Monday, June 15th, 2009
One of my most prized possessions is my lovely bike, Clooney. My ride to work in the morning is bliss. I lock him up outside my workplace and to my dismay, when my 12 hour work day is done, someone has always taken it upon themselves to fuck with my Clooney!
No cool amigos, not cool at all.
See, I have put a couple of baskets on my bike (one on the front, one on the back), to make life easier for myself (because I end up with mucho bags when I finish a shopping trip). Apparently, dumb ass pedestrians seem to mistake these baskets for trash cans on a daily basis. Every day, after work when I go to unlock my bike for the ride home, there is quite the assortment of shit in those baskets.
The most popular thing people like to put in there is food wrappers. Empty McDonalds bags with half a nugget and limp cold fries with ketchup seeping out, Starbucks mocca -chocca- mini- skinny- soy- latte- voulez- vous- couchez- avec- moi- ce- soir-acinno cups, those nasty ass street kebab polystyrene packages – they’ve all somehow found their way to rest in my baskets. What is more annoying than people’s nasty trash is that less than 10 steps away from where I park my bike is a MOTHERBITCHING TRASH CAN!
But I can tell by the trash they leave behind that they are fat, lazy bastards. Probably the last thing they need in life is that McDonalds. And to waddle their fat asses 10 more steps to the trash can, will clearly leave them in need of a paramedic.
I hate people.
The other day when I went to the gym, I came out to find the back basket on Clooney was stuffed with a plastic bag full of old, dirty, smelly clothes. Um, what the fuck?! I took it and flung it on the sidewalk. A homeless woman nearby, broke from a crowd of her homeless homies and came running over apologising. Apparently, those clothes were hers. Does my bike look like your closet? Bitch, please!
And to top off the random ‘crap in a basket’ phenomena, of course, the Jehovah’s Witnesses had to get involved. I found a big ass leaflet from them in my basket, because apparently my choice of bike indicates that I live a life of sin.
I would like to encourage anyone who passes by my bike, to find religion. And people better pray to Peter, Paul and Mary that I don’t catch putting anything in those baskets.
Tags: bikes, Clooney., lazy stupid disrespectful people, trash
Posted in life | 2 Comments »