Posts Tagged ‘random thoughts’

Randomosity

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

 

 - I really hate when people say ‘Valentimes Day’. I mean, maybe if you’re dyslexic, then I’ll let you off. But otherwise, it’s just annoying. 

 - My dad has this way of stirring his coffee where the spoon never touches the side of the mug. It’s a silent stir and it’s surprisingly difficult to do. I am always amazed when I see him do this. 
 - I find it a huge turn off when men wear baseball caps backwards. What are you, twelve?  
 - I also find long nails on a man a big turn off. You’re a man, not my pimp. 
 - Have you ever noticed with back up dancers, there’s always one that’s just doing way too much with their face? You’re called a ‘back-up dancer’ for a reason, sweetie.
 - I feel so ignorant because I can’t speak another language. I live with a French girl and a Japanese girl. I studied French for years and lived in Japan for a year, yet all I am able to say to my roomies in their natives tongues is ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘where’s the bathroom?’ Hardly stimulating conversation. 
 - I had my medical card renewed the other day. The dude at the office was very frosty, no small talk. Just did the paper work and asked routine questions. Out of nowhere he asked me ‘do you want to be an organ donor?’, in the kind of way someone at McDonald’s would say ‘do you want to supersize that?’ It totally threw me off guard because, embarrassingly, I’ve never really thought about it. I said ‘not right now, thanks, I’m not really dressed for surgery’, in a lame attempt to be funny. He was not amused. So, I just said no. Now I feel like an asshole. But I don’t think the guy there would have been impressed if I’d said ‘can I think about it for a minute?’ Mind you, he probably thinks I’m an asshole anyway because I said I don’t want to give my organs to dying people. I just think I should maybe discuss that with my loved ones a little first. It’s a pretty huge decision. Can a girl get a second to think on it? 
- The other night, downstairs, my landlady (a transsexual from Venezuela) and her roommate, who is gay as the day is long, were bumping ‘Hip Hop’ by Dead Prez so loud that everything on my desk was shaking. I mean, I enjoy a bit of Dead Prez as much as the next Venezuelan transsexual, but damn, could you turn it down a bit? Mind you, I’ll take that over the goddamned Reggaeton they like to blast at all hours of the day and night. Lesson: don’t judge a book by its cover.

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Anatomy of a Flight Delay

Monday, September 29th, 2008


I already had a four hour layover in Cincinnati on my way to Philly, then came word that my flight was delayed an hour and thirty five minutes.

 

These were my thoughts and observations:

 

- Americans are fat. Like one out of every two or three people I see is overweight and I can’t even hazard a guess as to how many are obese. America, you gotta get a handle on that!

 

- A lot of women here tuck their T Shirts or shirts into their highwaisted mum jeans. It’s hideous.

 

- Being forced to watch CNN should be a form of torture at Abu Graib.

 

- Every second person has a Blackberry or bluetooth headset – I’m officially in hell.

 

- Judging by attire, a great many people are having difficulty transitioning from their summer to autumn wardrobes.

 

- I would like to punch Lou Dobbs in his windpipe.

 

- I have a cramp in my arm.

 

- Having your cell phone attached to your waistband looks so far beyond ridiculous.

 

- There’s a guy in the boarding lounge with a really bad cold. I don’t want to be in the same air space as him right now. He should be secluded in some other part of the airport.

 

- Damn, this cramp hurts.

 

- They should have lazy boy chairs in this boarding lounge.

 

- The last thing I need right now is a screaming baby – and there are four of them.

 

- I have the worst luck of anyone I know when it comes to travel.

 

- I’m so hungry. Eating my left hand and having my pinky toes for dessert is more appealing to me than a sandwich from Quiznos, which is all they seem to have in this airport.

 

- Does time actually go slower in Cincinnati, or am I just imagining that?

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