Posts Tagged ‘painful feet’

Highs & Lows

Friday, January 8th, 2010

To know me is to know I love to wear heels. Among other things (like, you know, having boobs), wearing heels just makes me *cue Aretha Franklin* feel like a natural woman. My long legs look longer, it accents my derriere, shows off the arch in my back, pushes my boobs out, gives me better posture – all around, what’s not to love? But recently, my left foot has been causing me much distress. The pain got so bad I feared it may lead to me *cue dramatic horror movie music* not being able to wear heels!

It’s that pesky big toe joint, right in the ball of your foot – kind of a big player in the foot game. Every time I took a step, that moment where your foot bends as you go forward, a sharp pain would pierce through that joint. Yeah – ouch. I tried to stay in denial about it, thinking it would just go away or science would come up with a way to grow me another foot. But since it continued to hurt even when I was barefoot, I figured I should get it checked out.

I go to the chiropodist, sit in his chair and declare loud and proud ‘I love wearing heels. I wear them most of the time.’ ‘And why wouldn’t you?’ He says. ‘You’re a lady.’ Immediately, I know he understands me. He tells me I have lovely feet, while wiggling my toes and massaging them gently. Was it in a perverted way? No. Was I enjoying it a little too much nonetheless? You betcha.

He kindly explains to me the impact that wearing heels has on your feet. It’s like a bad horror movie, friends. I don’t even wanna talk about it. But then, like music to my ears, he says I don’t have to stop wearing them, I just need to start mixing flats into my shoe diet. So wait – I get to buy new shoes? Yeah, I’m liking this deal so far.

Then the lovely man massages my feet and tells me I should get someone to do this for me once a week. Will I be able to find someone to do that, he asks. ‘I’ll put an ad on Craigslist,’ I say. ‘I’m sure someone will volunteer.’

So, just to recap: I went from being scared I wouldn’t be able to wear heels anymore, to still being able to wear heels, being encouraged to buy new shoes and having someone massage my feet once a week. That my friends, is what we call a ‘win-win’.

What would be awesome is if I had a shoe sponsor. You know, a shoe company to just give me shoes to help me get through this painful foot period in my life. If say Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, Blahnik, any of them wanted to donate shoes to this cause, I would be totally OK with that. What’s that? Those companies don’t really do flats? Are you implying I’m just looking for a way to get more heels out of this deal? Shame on you!

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