Posts Tagged ‘oversharing’

Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex Baby

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

I don’t want to know about your sex life. I’m not a prude, I don’t suffer from any sort of catholic guilt about my decision to engage in such relations prior to marriage, I’m not uptight or repressed or whatever else – I just don’t know to know all the intimate details about what you do, with whom, between the sheets. Simply isn’t my business. But we live in an age of over-sharing. Lines of appropriateness get crossed on a daily basis. A casual joke, turning a perfectly innocent phrase into a crazy sexual innuendo, whispering to your coworker on your lunch break about how good your boyfriend gave it to you last night – kindly keep it to yourself.

I’ve been at a restaurant and heard women discussing their vibrators. Nothing will put you off a sirloin steak quicker, let me tell you. I’ve listened to girls discuss their sex lives in intimate detail and cringed. I’ve had male friends tell me the kinky stuff they’ve done with girls and had that awful, mortifying moment of realisation that at some point, one of my former lovers may have had that conversation with his friends too.

Call me old fashioned, but I kind of think any discussion about any sweet jungle lovin’ I may or may not be making should be solely reserved for the fella I may or may not be making it with. You may notice I never discuss sex on this blog. While a fair few people have stumbled across this site by Googling ‘shoe porn’ that’s about as pornographic as it ever gets on here. I don’t think talking about it is wrong and it doesn’t necessarily make me uncomfortable, it’s just more of a time and a place issue. Hanging out in public places, I’d be pretty mortified if my friend tried to break down her various sexual exploits to me and ask my advice. But a quiet girls night in – then it’s not so bad. But even so, there have to be lines, clear rules of what is and isn’t off limits, don’t there?

I think for most people, when they’re younger, nothing is out of bounds when it comes to the discussion of sex, but that’s because everyone’s new to it and just trying to figure out if their doing it right, more than for the gory details. But now, as I approach the big 3-0, when I hear women my age going into more detail than you’d give a priest at confession, I can’t help but think how wildly inappropriate it is. Does your man know that all your friends know how well endowed he is? Or what his favourite position is? Or that he does this thing with his tongue that makes your toes curl? No wonder your friends stare at his mouth whenever they’re over for dinner. Would you want your fella’s friends knowing that kind of info about you?

There’s a lot to be said for privacy, mystery and just straight up having some class. We don’t want or need to know it all.

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Posted in relationships | 14 Comments »

Let’s (Not) Talk About It

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

The ’00s have, without a doubt, been the decade of ‘talking it out.’ As soon as there’s a hint someone may have a problem, we say, ‘do you wanna talk about it?’ When celebs get in trouble, they are shipped off to therapy so they can ‘share their feelings.’ Well yeah, that was nice and all, but I vote we make the next ten years, the decade of shutting the hell up.

It’s great that everyone feels the need to get everything out there, but when I ask a casual acquaintance ‘how are you?’ and they feel the need to share every problem they’ve ever had in their life, it’s gone too far. Here’s a little advice: when I ask ‘how are you?’ – I don’t actually care. I’m merely being polite. So if you respond with anything other than ‘I’m fine thanks. And you?’ I reserve the right to bitch slap you and send you back to your therapist.

Is it even possible to be a celebrity anymore without a troubled past? It’s like a rite of passage. Whenever someone’s caught with their pants down or some coke up their nose, they have to do the big apology statement and say they’re going to an ‘in treatment facility’ (usually called ‘Inner Peace Sanctuary’ or some bollocks), only to re-emerge after their 90 days, hawking a tell-all book and pouring their heart out to Oprah.

We’re supposedly eating all this up because it means these celebrities are just like us. They have problems too. Of course they frikkin’ do – they’re human. If you’ve spent any time thinking otherwise, you’re an idiot. But I’m also not going to have sympathy when they shove their explanations for their behaviour down our throats. You know what, I don’t believe that every celeb with a drug problem had a troubled childhood. I think some people just like to get high. Not everyone who shags anything with two legs and a pulse is a sex addict. Perhaps they just like to get laid. Yes, sometimes it really is that simple.

This culture of over-sharing has got to slow its row. I’m tired of hearing everyone’s sob story. I’m not saying don’t speak about it ever, but choose whom you divulge information to carefully. If you’re a celebrity, that means talking about your crap with a therapist, if you think that works. If you’re a regular Joe, dump your issues on your understanding best friend. There are certain things the rest of us don’t want or need to know.

So thanks for doing a status update on Facebook about your last bowel movement and for telling me how great your boyfriend is in bed. I’ll be sure to file those under ‘shit I don’t care about.’

Have some class. Some things really are better left unsaid.

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Posted in life | 11 Comments »