Posts Tagged ‘Lady Gaga’

Role Models

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Role Models from Muireann Carey-Campbell on Vimeo.

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Posted in video blogs | 22 Comments »

Stop Calling, Stop Calling

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Since Lady Gaga took about three years to release her latest music video/feature length film for ‘Telephone’, I felt it was only fair that I watch it and give it a full Bangs-style critique. We can only hope that Gaga takes it on board.

0.27 – Tyrese Gibson? Tyrese Gibson is in this video? I have more questions than answers as to why this would happen.

1.10 – Snatch on display to prove she doesn’t have a penis? However, they’ve blurred it out so we’ll never really know.

1.57 – Way to break the stereotype that female prisons are full of a bunch of raging butch lesbians. Good job.

2.25 – Girl fight! They really wanted to make sure they didn’t shy away from stereotypes, huh?

2.47 – ‘Beyonce on the line for Gaga’. Proof that even a prison stay won’t get you any kind of distance from Beyonce.

3.00 – I don’t know about you, but on the rare occasions when I answer my phone, I sing my conversations.

3.42 – Wow, Gaga really can’t dance. At. All.

4.16 – This is just a stab in the dark, but I’m guessing someone might be getting a little sponsorship money from Virgin Mobile….

4.28 – ….annnnnnddddd Plenty of Fish.

4.51 – Mother of Jesus! Please don’t tell me Beyonce’s gonna act! Nooooo! Make it stop! My eyes! My eyes!

4.55 – I take offence to everything Beyonce is trying to do with her bangs.

5.17 – This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. This whole banter. I feel sick.

5.45 – The way Beyonce’s molesting that steering wheel, surely that car would be in a ditch by now.

5.54 – Oooh, Tyrese better savour this moment. He ain’t getting any more work for a while.

6.20 – For Christ’s sake! With this stupid telephone on her head. We frikkin’ get it! The song’s called ‘Telephone’! Jesus, no need to hammer the point home.

6.40 – When is this gonna end?

6.54 – Whoever did this choreography has a lot to answer for. And are those guys using baguettes as phones? They know no one’s gonna answer, right?

7.07 – Why is this chick always killing someone in her videos. I would never eat with her in real life – who knows what the hell she’s slipping in your food.

7.11 – Hello Gaga? Yeah, we didn’t get the point about your song being called ‘Telephone’. It’s not literal enough. Can you shove a phone on your face to make sure we fully grasp it? Thanks.

7.31 – So Gaga dropped the F bomb earlier, but it gets bleeped when Beyonce says it? Or is it Sacha Fierce talking? Either way, she’s just a good, Christian girl from the south y’all. Bey never swears. *eye roll*

7.54 – Seriously, sack the choreographer.

8.29 – I always thought Beyonce was a robot. This right here is the proof.

8.35 – Mayday! Mayday! Can we get a stylist on the set please?!

9.17 – Dear baby Jesus, please let these two individuals drive off a cliff for real.

9.32 – The End. Can I get that 9 minutes and 32 seconds of my life back?

All in all, David Lachapelle should get on the phone and chew out the director of this video for completely jacking his style. Now yes, clearly I’m neither Lady Gaga’s or Beyonce’s biggest fan, but I can appreciate Gaga has a reasonable level of talent and a certain amount of artistic vision (even if it does bring with it an unprecedented level of douchiness), but 10 minute long videos? Honey, you ain’t Michael Jackson. Get a grip.

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Posted in life | 36 Comments »

More of the Same, Less of the Crazy

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Beyonce and Lady Gaga have a new music video out and well, I’m tired. Beyonce just wears me out. It would be nice to think she’s tired of herself at this point, but alas, I don’t think we’ll see that moment for quite some time.

My immediate reaction after watching this video was, can I get that five minutes of my life back? Is it just me or has Beyonce made a variation of the same video for her last five or six singles? I can barely tell the difference anymore. And I don’t care to. I’m tired of it all. Skimpy outfit, roll hips, red lipstick, change weave once every six seconds – ENOUGH! It is clear that she has reached her creative peak and needs to take a break, have a lie down, go on vacation somewhere far, far away. She’s married to Jay-Z/Jiggaman/Hova/Hovi Baby/It’s the Roc – shouldn’t she be off having babies anyway? I mean, I fully understand not rushing to see what the offspring of Jay-Z will look like (I love me some Hov, but let’s face it, nature was not kind to his mug), but you’ve gotta do it sometime Beyonce and now’s as good a time as any (before you make another one of these Godforsaken videos).

But just when you’re yawning at Beyonce’s tired, phone-it-in performance, up pops Lady Gaga out of nowhere. And all you can think is ‘what the hell happened to her face?’ It’s not fair to put any other female in the same room as Beyonce really, nevermind actually committing that to film. If I were a female singer, I would have it written in my contract somewhere that I would never do a video with Beyonce. What’s the point? You’re just going to look like a steaming pile of shite next to that vision of fake-haired lovliness.

I get the distinct impression they told Gaga to dial down the crazy for this video. There are no crazy props or outfits like we’re used to seeing with her and that’s probably what makes her face so shocking. I mean, hey, she’s pretty, but her face just looks better with sunglasses on it, or a giant piece of lace covering it.

Then Beyonce and Gaga do a highly embarrassing chair dance routine that just screams high school talent show. If you’re not hiding under your desk at this point, praying for this thing to stop, there’s something genetically wrong with you.

In short, Gaga needs to bring back the crazy & Beyonce needs to take a breather, then maybe all will be right with the world once again. Until then, I’ll just feel perturbed, horrified, mystified, confused, overwhelmed, depressed and angry.

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Posted in life | 10 Comments »

Colour Me Crazy

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Well who’d o’ thunk it? Being ‘different’ is now fashionable. I wish that had been the case when I was in high school, that way my Doc Martins and weird hairstyles would have been left in peace. Better late than never I guess, except that now, being different just means you’re being the same. Oh, the irony! So now what we have is people trying to outdo each other with the crazy, to see who can be the craziest. And if our pop starlets are anything to go by, the competition is fierce.

Take Rihanna for example. When she first sprang on the scene, she was this fresh-faced island girl:

It took her just a few short years to go from that to this:

Apparently, she favours the dominatrix look these days. It’s all very fashionable and edgy, but I get the feeling that it’s all very forced. Everybody’s style evolves, but this seemed to come out of nowhere. I imagine someone lays out her clothes for her every morning and she looks at it and says ‘really? This? *sigh* *eye roll* Fine.’

Then there’s Cassie of course. When her attempt to make herself more relevant by posting nude shots of herself on the interweb failed, she opted for something else and went from this:

to this:

Oh Cassie. Such a shame. Mainly because you seem to have forgotten about this little incident:

Britney already did it. And she went the whole hog. And because you only went half hog, now you look like a pussy. If you’re gonna go crazy, for God’s sake, go balls to the wall!

But of course, someone has come along and upped the crazy ante to the Nth degree. Everyone may as well just stop even trying. You can’t compete with this shit:

This doesn’t happen often, but I think I actually have no words.

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Posted in fashion | 12 Comments »

Things Which Must Stop – The Music Edition

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

 

Lady Gaga

 

I’m not all the way sure what her deal is, so this is more of a preemptive strike. I sense I will have enough of her in the very near future, so she may as well stop now. While I respect that she’s ‘out there’ and going against the grain and pushing the fashion boundaries and all that bollocks, it all seems a bit forced and fake and well, made for 18 year old girls who work at American Apparel to drool to. I also dislike that she enjoys being in public wearing just a leotard. If she starts a trend with that shit, I don’t think I could handle it. I really need for people to wear pants. 

 

 

 

Soulja Boy

 

Somewhere in the world right now, DJ Kool Herc, Grandmaster Flash, Big Daddy Kane and numerous others are banging their heads against walls wondering how the hell this dip shit has risen from obscurity to make some of the worst trash to ever hit the airwaves. This new generation of rappers can go to hell. With their crazy dances and their radio jingle hits. I will personally be first in line to slap some sense into every 14 year old who has bought this fool’s record. And I’ll slap their mothers too. Yeah, I said it. 

 

 

Eminem

 

What’s that? Eminem is back on the scene? Oh, I must have missed that due to me not giving a shit. From the come back single, it sounds like the same old, same old. Maybe he should just stick to producing. It’s not even so much him releasing music that bothers me. It’s that it must be accompanied by his visual. And God damn! What the hell happened to his face? Seriously. I mean, he was never the best looking dude, but um, something looks a little off. And frankly, it scares me. I’m gonna need for him to get that fixed before attempting to be in the public eye again.

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Posted in life | 5 Comments »