Monday, February 8th, 2010
The world tests me daily. How I navigate life without throwing unstoppable bitch slapping fits every day is beyond me. The leggings trend came, then refused to die, then had the audacity to one-up itself in nastiness by bringing out the wetlook legging – through all that, I managed to not assault anyone. Then there’s Uggs – for years I’ve watched people shuffle around like their feet are in two loaves of bread. I’ve verbally abused them, but managed to lower my bitch slap hand (at least when there’s police around). But this? This right here my friends, is how I know someone has made it their mission in life to make me lose my mind. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the Pajama Jean.
This infomercial has made me want to quit life. Just give me five minutes in a room with the douchenozzle that came up with this concept, I swear, just five minutes! How? Why? What in the [insert expletive of choice here] is this all about?
Sweats are too shabby looking, jeans are too uncomfortable, so you combine both to come up with the Pajama Jean. I get that you’re trying to imply that the comfort level of this monstrosity is equal to that of pajamas, but do you know what you’re really doing here? You’re encouraging people to wear this crap to sleep in, wake up in the morning, roll out of bed and go straight to the grocery store like nothing happened.
This culture of being comfortable all the time has gotten out of hand. Sweats have a particular purpose, so do jeans – I fail to see how the two are combinable. Do you often feel the need to do cartwheels in your jeans? Are you working out in your True Religions? No? Then why do you need your jeans to feel like sweats?
Why the heck can people not seem to distinguish the difference between what is acceptable house wear and what is acceptable every-day-running-errands-looking-like-a-grown-up-put-together person wear? When I leave the house, I like to feel as though I made an effort to do so. The Pajama Jean takes our culture of laziness to an extreme level – it’s teaching you to cheat the system. Effort is not required, stay comfy. Bollocks to that!
My favourite part of the informercial is when it talks about the features of these Nasty Pants by saying ‘They even have pockets! And brass rivets, so they look like they’re made by an expensive European designer!’ At this point, I think I can just sit back, ’cause somewhere in France, Karl Lagerfeld just spat out his champagne, mobilised the French Foreign Legion and ordered them to hunt and kill any lazy bitch caught wearing this shit.
I also like when it says ‘if you order now, we’ll throw in this T Shirt! That’s a whole outfit!’ Really? A grey T Shirt and some sweats disguised as jeans is a whole outfit? In which universe?
So, consider that a warning. If I see any of you wearing these, you better have them on so you can run from me easily, ’cause either me or Mr Lagerfeld are ready to kick your ass.
Tags: bad ideas, jeans, things that should never happen
Posted in fashion | 24 Comments »