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Posts Tagged ‘flip flops’
Flip Flop Rage
Wednesday, May 5th, 2010
Flip Flop Rage from Muireann Carey-Campbell on Vimeo.
Tags: flip flops, rants
Posted in fashion, video blogs | 14 Comments »
If You Are Still Wearing Any of the Following…
Monday, June 29th, 2009
…it’s your lucky day, because I’m handing out makeovers and bitch slaps – come get yours.
Tags: bad fashion, burberry, chinese slippers, flip flops, leggings, those damn scarves
Posted in fashion | 5 Comments »
Things Which Must Stop – The Men's Edition
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
Facial Hair
Fellas, are you aware that facial hair is essentially just pubic hair attached to your face? No? Well, it is. Studies have shown that nine times out of ten, a beard makes you look like a douchebag. So, if you must have it, you’ve gotta keep that shit in check. Don’t let it get unruly. And if you can’t grow something that makes some kind of sense, or you know your shit doesn’t grow in right, take a razor to it before I take a hack saw to it. If you are not getting laid, odds are it’s down to your unruly facial pubes (combined with your lack of personality, beer belly, intense body stench…whatever the case may be).
Power Cologne
Cologne is not a substitute for deodorant. Please do not bathe in it. My nostrils cannot take that kind of brutality. If you’re unlucky enough to be standing upwind of a dude who doesn’t know when to stop with the cologne, that shit can knock you out faster than a date rape drug. Maybe that’s what they’re going for? Also, if you’re dousing yourself in that much smelly stuff, it seems like you’re covering something up. Clearly your natural stench is not all that hot. But you know what solves that? Soap, water and a little bit of deodorant. If you’re going through a bottle of Calvin Klein a day, you may need to seek help.
Men in Flip Flops
You know how I feel about women in flip flops. Well, take those feelings and multiply them to the Nth degree and you get how I feel about men in flip flops. Never fellas. Just never attempt it. I don’t think any girl has ever said ‘My, that man has lovely feet.’ Keep those Chewbacca meets Harry and the Hendersons toes under wraps.
Tags: bad cologne, facial hair, flip flops, men
Posted in fashion, things which must stop | 4 Comments »
The Anti-Flip Flop Movement
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
My quest to eradicate all things flip flop related will never stop. I mentioned last year how annoying I find flip flops to be. Last week, as soon as the temperature rose above 15 degrees, the flip flop army came out in full force.
I think even more annoying than flip flops themselves are the people who wear them. Why are you so eager to pull that tacky 50 cents worth of plastic shit out of your wardrobe at the very sniff of sunshine? It’s only April. I’m meant to be full of the joys of spring, instead I’m full of rage due to exposure to your crusty feet.
Flip flop wearers take extreme offense to my stance on this issue. ‘They’re so comfortable!’ they cry. ‘They’re easy and breezy blah, blah, yada, yada.’ Yeah, you know what else is comfortable and easy? A MOTHERBITCHING SANDAL!
A Heel strap! That’s all I’m asking for. I don’t get why it’s so hard for you ladies to understand. Here’s the message you put out to the world when you wear flip flops: you are a lazy individual, who cannot be bothered to even bend down to put a shoe on properly. You are not concerned about your feet, your walk, or the impression you put out there to the world. Yes, it is that serious! While I may be the only woman who feels this way, ask any man his feelings about women and flip flops and trust me, I have an army of supporters.
Here’s some guidance to help you understand when you should not be wearing flip flops:
- Anywhere in a city
It’s not footwear designed for the city. Too many hazards could cause you to fall and hurt yourself, but frankly, that’s what you deserve if you are wearing flip flops in the first place.
- Out to dinner
Are you fucking kidding me? I really don’t need to explain this, do I?
- Kept in your handbag to change into after a night of clubbing
Umm, be a woman dammit! I have walked home in heels with blisters and cuts on my feet and I strutted it out like a diva (*two finger snaps*). You should do the same.
- The workplace
Ohhh Lord, I’m getting heated even thinking about this. Unless your job is a lifeguard, you better get your shit together.
In short, the only two acceptable places to wear flip flops are the beach and at a swimming pool. Other than that, it should be an arrestable offense.
So c’mon ladies, start seeing the merits of sandals and make the switch, I beg of you. You can easily discard of your flip flops. Your entire collection of 17 pairs couldn’t have cost more than $2.50 anyway.
Tags: embracing womanhood, flip flops, tacky shit that should never be worn
Posted in fashion | 6 Comments »
Premature Summer Wardrobe Ejaculation
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
Every year it’s the same thing. As soon as the temperatures get a little above freezing, some fool breaks out the shorts and flip-flops.
It’s mid-march and so far, the sun has made a couple of appearances in Toronto. But sun in Toronto does not always equate to warmth. Evidently, some people don’t see it that way. One woman I saw, while out shopping, had a severe case of premature summer wardrobe ejaculation. A glimmer of mid-march sunshine does not constitute white linen pants, sandals and a denim jacket. You look even more ridiculous when the people around you are shivering in winter coats. I’ve also seen a guy in shorts and a T Shirt and a girl in a strapless dress. What in the freeze your balls off hell is wrong with you people?
I completely understand, having just endured my third brutally dismal winter here, that the very sight of some sun may send the mind into a false state of hope that warmer times are to come. But now is not that time. Why are some people so against toughing it out for a couple of extra months with a something warm and woolly over their torso? Month by month, you can let a layer go – for example, maybe now we can discard the long johns. And in a week or two, we can dust off our lighter spring jackets and finally stop looking like Michelin men.
But please, I beg of you, save the sandals for summer – that’s where they belong (and when I say ‘sandals’, you know I don’t mean flip flops, bitches, so don’t even try it). And white linen pants have no place anywhere outside of a beach. We’ll have three glorious months to show off the fabulosity of our summer wardrobes – so don’t be so quick to shoot your load.
Tags: flip flops, summer, wardrobe catastrophes
Posted in fashion | 2 Comments »
Flip Off
Monday, July 14th, 2008
I am loving the summer. The heat, riding Clooney all over town, hazy sunsets – all make the season quite delightful. But one thing I’m never sad to see go when summer ends is flip flops.
Lordy, how I hate the flip flops! That endless sound of cheap plastic slapping against skin is infuriating. The design of flip flops seems to impair peoples ability to walk, so you end up with a city full of people shuffling and foot slapping all over the joint.
What is wrong with a sandal, I ask you? Throw a heel strap around there and life could go back to normal. But the flip flop seems to enjoy a phenomenal following each summer.
The majority of flip flops are cheap, tacky crap that I can’t understand why anyone would want to wear in the first place, though I’m sure avid flip flop fans will throw around that word ‘comfort’ till the cows come home. Every now and then you see flashy flip flops that have been embellished somehow with sequins, or something equally as tacky that only a drag queen can appreciate. The reflection from the sequins will momentarily dazzle you, but as soon as you hear a shuffle and foot slap you realize you’re back in cheap, tacky shoe hell.
Then there’s the dirt factor. Every time you take a step (a flip, then a flop, if you will), dirt is being collected on the sole of the shoe, which you then put your foot back down on every few seconds. Fresh dirt after fresh dirt, leaving you with, you guessed it, filthy feet. Seriously, someone explain the appeal of these shoes (and if you even mention ‘comfort’, be prepared for me to bitch slap you).
And my final point goes for any open toed shoes really: if you are going to get your feet out in the summer, for the love of Peter, Paul and Mary, get a pedicure! No one wants to see your crusty, hammer toes au naturale. But since flip flops leave you at a disadvantage as soon as you put them on, you need all the help you can get.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m actually looking forward to sexy boot season, just to escape the foot slapping flip flop army.
Tags: flip flops
Posted in fashion | 11 Comments »