Posts Tagged ‘facebook’

Defriending

Monday, July 13th, 2009

The landscape of friendships is changing with our internet-crazed society. Friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter. Sometimes, we befriend people we encounter in the online world that we’ve never met in the real world and sometimes we add people from our real world to our online world because we feel guilty if we don’t.

The main benefit of the online friend world though, is the delete button. If only we could have one of those in real life. Everyone has that one annoying person in your circle of friends. You can’t remember how you became friends in the first place, but you rue the day it ever happened. In the online world, you just delete them. In the real world, they still have your phone number and street address and know where you work.

I deleted a ‘friend’ on Facebook recently (someone I’d met a handful of times in person). I was then confronted with a barrage of emails from this individual cursing me out, telling me I’m not perfect, I have ‘issues’, I’m being petty etc etc. I’ve had people delete me before and I don’t hunt them down and scream bloody murder. That’s because I don’t particularly care.

The person I deleted may have some valid points. I may very well not be perfect (unlikely, but a possibility), I may have issues (awesome ones!) and I might just be a little petty. Or (and I’m just throwing this out there as an option), I may just think this person is a douchebag, who I’ve never particularly liked that much.

I would say, when someone deletes you, it’s not really a debatable point. I don’t need a list of reasons why we should be phony, online friends. Give me all the reasons you want, I’m still gonna think you’re a douchebag. Actually, I’m gonna think you’re even more of one for contesting my deletage.

So, if you get deleted by one of your online homies, just take it. Not everyone will like you in life (real life, or otherwise). Deal with it.

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Posted in life | 3 Comments »

Talking It Up

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

 

I don’t talk to anyone anymore. There’s so much Facebook and Twittering in my life, I have so few actual conversations, it’s getting a little scary. 

 

This revelation occurred to me recently; when my phone rings, I nearly jump out of my skin. I have all but forgotten what it sounds like. But the popcorn sound that Facebook instant chat makes? It’s like Pavlov’s dogs – I can hear it a mile away and I get to typing like a fiend. And the text message alert on my phone? Oh yeah, that works just fine. God forbid anyone pick up the phone to arrange a lunch, let’s go back and forth with a million texts to figure out the time and place. That makes much more sense. 

 

But I’m as guilty of that as the next person. Now if someone does actually call me, I wrestle internally before answering – is this not a conversation we can have via text? Do we have to exchange real life human voice words? That seems like such a hassle. And it will distract me from the myriad of Facebook chat conversations I’m involved in at any given time. 

 

Maybe it’s time I embraced phone technology once again. You know, actually dialing numbers (well, not so much dialing, as scrolling through my contacts list and hitting the ‘OK’ button) and talking to people. Wait, is that going to lead to me actually having to see people? This is all moving a bit too fast. I need to regroup. I’m getting sweaty palms.

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Posted in life | 3 Comments »

Get Out of MySpace

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

 

Still having a MySpace account at this point is being the last person left in a club when the lights come on. It’s uncomfortable, a little embarrassing and you’ve lost your ride home. 

 

Recently, I’ve been wondering why I have continued my MySpace upkeep. I joined up when I moved to Japan and found it a great way to meet English speaking people. That then turned into being solicited by, seemingly, every foreign man in Japan who could appreciate a girl with hips. Being hit on via the interweb was quite a new phenomenon to me. I’d get home from work and marvel at the fact that I was receiving about 10-15 new messages a day and all I was doing was sitting in my sweats, drinking tea. 

 

But then my friends back home started getting on it and it was a cool way to connect with them. Then I moved to Canada and heard all this mysterious talk about something called ‘Facebook’. I resisted it for a while, then it became apparent that I could no longer function in society without a Facebook account. Seriously, seeing the look on people’s faces when you say you haven’t got one, is worthy of a bitch slapping. 

 

And so I signed up for Facebook, which has put me in touch with some great people I’d lost touch with and some not so great people whose reasons for friend requesting me, when they clearly hated my ass in high school, is beyond me. Being that I live in one country and most of my friends are in another, it has become, basically, the only way I keep in touch with anyone. 

 

But then the Facebook bug wasn’t enough for me and I had to feed my social networking jones by adding Twitter into the mix, or ‘Facebook on crack’ as I like to call it. It’s the ultimate tool for any narcissist. It operates on the assumption that the world at large should be intensely interested in your every move and yes, you should be in mine. I am just that interesting. 

 

And so that leaves little old MySpace, struggling to stay relevant in this sea of over sharing. I check my account every now and then and now I’m being propositioned by random middle eastern men (apparently, I’m big with the Arabs), Nigerians and anyone who has released a hip hop mixtape in the history of time. An ex of mine (who is now married and living in Italy) likes to message me every few months and tell me, repeatedly that he wishes me all the best and I deserve nothing but greatness and he really hopes everything works out for me. So, um, to that guy, message received, roger that, I got it, over and out. Now kindly fuck off. I have like, at least ten Arabs lined up to get with me. 

 

So, methinks it might be time for me to bid MySpace farewell. We’ve had some good times and you did kinda introduce me to someone who is incredibly special to me, so I guess for that, you get a high five. But I just don’t have time for you anymore, what with all the Twittering and such like. 

 

Before I go, I will turn down that friend request from that random death metal band in Utah just one last time, for old time’s sake. *Wipes tear* So long MySpace. It’s been special.

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Posted in life | 8 Comments »

Costume Drama

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008


There are times in life when you can’t keep up with the demands of your wardrobe. You find all of a sudden, you don’t have anything to wear to that interview. Then, if you actually get the job, you’re cursing the day you ever sent them your resume, because you have to invest in umpteen new outfits to look the part.

 

Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind, as I did this past weekend on my trip to Nova Scotia. I don’t own suitable ‘country and cottage’ attire, so yes, I show up completely overdressed every time. It’s a running joke in my family, but you know, you can take the girl out of the city and all that.

 

Though, nothing has changed the horizon of the pressures of wardrobe upkeep more than my love-to-hate obsession – Facebook.

 

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone to take a picture recently and heard one of my girls say “wait! wait! I’m already wearing this outfit in my Facebook pics!’ My response is usually something along the lines of ‘Listen, this ain’t Broadway, bitch. There’s no time for a costume change. Just shut up and vogue so I can take a snapshot already.’

 

Honestly, the whole notion of not allowing yourself to be pictured in the same outfit twice is beyond ridiculous. Do you think they’re gonna end up in Us Weekly or something? It’s Facebook. The only people who’ll see it is your friends and I know this may be a crushing blow to your belief that the world intensely watches your every move, but I would like you to consider the following points:

 

a) most people couldn’t give a flying crap what you’re wearing.

b) your friends are probably aware that you wear your clothes more than once.

 

So, in an effort to get the ball rolling on that road to acceptance, I bring you, my wardrobe confessions:

 

- I spend a stupid amount of money on clothes. I love my clothes like they’re my family. You best believe I’m wearing that shit more than once and I don’t care if Mario Testino himself has a camera pointed my way.

 

- I don’t own property or furniture or have any savings. My clothes are my investments. I will be fly till I die, bitches!

 

- I wear my clothes so much that when they’re threadbare, they are merely relegated to ‘house clothes’ and eventually make it all the way down the food chain to ‘dish cloth’.

 

- If I go off an outfit, I donate it to goodwill and feel all warm and fuzzy inside that I just made someone less fortunate than myself the flyest bitch on her block.

 

So, next time you get caught in a repeat outfit bind, it’s important to remember, no one is assuming you haven’t laundered said clothes. And if it concerns you that much, get creative and accessorize that shit. Either way, hold your head up, vogue and Work. It. Out.

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Posted in fashion | 3 Comments »

Killing the Radio Star

Monday, May 5th, 2008


I never listen to radio. I prefer to be my own DJ. (In case you were wondering, I truly do rock and I’m willing to play weddings, christenings, bar mitzvahs etc for a very reasonable fee.)

 

Recently, I have been exposed to the torture that is mainstream radio, on a daily basis. It seems like the same seven or eight songs being played on rotation, all damn day. By the time it’s gets to about 2pm, I’m ready to throw my computer out the window and smash the radio into iddy biddy pieces. However, I think there might be something in my contract about damaging work property or something – so before I unleash my rage and get my ass fired, I thought I’d share with you the songs that are working my last nerve.

 

Four Minutes – Madonna Featuring Justin Timberlake


The four minutes are up now Madonna. The world was not saved. Mission not accomplished. Time to go back to the lab and come up with a different way to save civilization – preferably one that doesn’t involve a Timbaland beat.

 

No Air – Jordin Sparks Featuring Chris Brown


‘Tell me how I’m ‘spose to breathe with no air’. Well, Ms Sparks, perhaps if you’d have stayed in school a little longer, rather than chasing dreams on American Idol, you’d have found out. You’re lucky Chris Brown is on the track. Yes, it may be bordering on illegal for me to lust after him, but frankly, if loving him is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

 

Pocketful of Sunshine – Natasha Bedingfield


A pocketful of sunshine, huh Natasha? Well, I’ve got a pocketful of bitch slaps. I win. You’re still not forgiven for making that annoying little ditty which has since become the theme song for The Hills and countless commercials for everything from razors to shampoo. Surely you made enough money from that number for us to never have to hear from you again?

 

Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis


You seem to have been bleeding for a while now. You might want to think about getting some medical attention. Ever heard of a bandaid? Slap one of those bad boys on there and you’re good to go – you don’t need to be wailing about it constantly.

 

Sexy Can I – Ray J


Well Ray J, lets see – you’ve been with a plethora of women from Kim Kardashian to Whitney Houston. So, can you? With crackheads and hos, apparently, you can. Must you keep asking?

 

Dear Facebook…


I’d like to have a few words with you, if I may. You have the social networking market in a choke hold right now. It’s understandable that you want your product to evolve. But I gotta tell you, I have a beef with your ‘people you may know’ feature.

 

I appreciate the heads up, but I know I may know those people and I don’t want to know them. Hence, why I have not added them as friends. So, I don’t really want to see their ugly mugs pop up every time I check my facebook. It’s a constant, daily reminder of why they suck and only serves to anger me. I’m sure there are people who feel the same way about my face peeking back at them as ‘someone they may know’ on their page.

 

If I want to know someone, you have already conveniently put all sorts of search features on there for me to find them. Please don’t bring those losers to my doorstep and urge me to befriend them. Trust me, I have known them and they ain’t all that.

 

What’s more, this feature seems to have confused some people. I have been getting relentless friend requests from people I went to high school with. Specifically, people who couldn’t stand my ass in high school. Yet they must have seen me on that damn ‘people you may know’ list and, in their desperate attempts to accumulate more friends, send me countless requests, seemingly forgetting the fact that they actually hated me 15 years ago. Forgive me for not wanting to exchange wall posts with these classy broads.

 

So, thanks for trying to connect me with every last living soul I may have known over the course of my existence, but I think I’m good.

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Posted in life | 7 Comments »

Keeping Updated

Friday, March 7th, 2008


Facebook status updates tend to fall into one of three categories; the inside joke (which maybe you and two other people on your friend list actually get), the non-update update (if you’re telling me you’re hung over, yet again, you ain’t updating me on shit – I know you’re a drunk) and the countdown (to a ‘major’ event in your life that most likely, no one else gives a shit about).

 

The countdown pisses me off the most. And so, to the girl on my friend list who ‘…is getting married in 18 weeks and 6 days!!!’ I must have a few words, because in about one minute and thirteen seconds, I may just delete you from my list.

 

Seriously – are you actually giving people the ’18 week and 6 day’ countdown? Are you aware of how long that actually is? It’s almost five months. Which is basically six months. Half a year. I have to listen to half a year of this shit? Is this it now? A daily countdown to the wedding is all that’s going on. There’s nothing else happening in your life? When can I expect hours and minutes in the countdown, because, as you can tell, I’m just itching to find out. Maybe next you can count how many ‘sleeps’ it will be, like you did as a child, in the run up to Christmas.

 

Honest to God, I can pretty much guarantee you that no one is as excited about your wedding day as you are (and judging by your three exclamation points, you’re pretty damn excited). I’m sure you sent the invites out about 2 years ago. Your peeps know when it is. You don’t have to give them daily reminders for the next six months.

 

I don’t know what it is about weddings that brings this out in people. But your status update makes me embarrassed to be a woman. I bet your fiancé isn’t counting down the minutes on his Facebook profile.

 

So, how’s about finding yourself a new hobby that will help those 18 weeks and 6 days go a little quicker? Yoga, chess, watching paint dry – all of which are exponentially more exciting than the countdown you’re currently involved in.

 

Be sure to let me know, via Facebook status update, how that works out for you.

 

Mad Men


I guess I’m the last person to catch on to this Mad Men series. My dad told me about it the other day because it just started to air in England. So, I got on the interweb and watched all thirteen episodes in three days. I frikkin’ loved it.

 

Set in the advertising world in 1960 Manhattan, it’s cut throat, anti-semetic, brutally chauvinistic and brilliant. Not like I was there, but by all accounts, it’s a pretty accurate representation of the time.

 

I love the vintage look of it. Everything seems to have a smoky film (which is probably to do with the hundreds of cigarettes puffed away each episode). Men were men, who drank scotch in boardroom meetings. Women were secretaries or good housewives.

 

The subtle humor is endearing, always either to do with gender roles or technology, like the line ‘It’s not like there’s some magic machine that makes identical copies of things’ – a particular favorite of mine.

 

The villain, Pete Campbell is so good I want to transport myself back to the 60s and personally sucker punch him. And am I the only one who didn’t realize that Peggy was pregnant?

 

But my main reason for loving this series is this:

 

 

Heelllllloooooooo daddy! Where have you been all my life? I take one look at this guy and want to throw on a frilly apron and bake cookies. Sweet baby Jesus – what a fine specimen of a man.

 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to swoon (and possibly bake cookies). Have a great weekend!

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Posted in life | 9 Comments »