Posts Tagged ‘embracing womanhood’

The Anti-Flip Flop Movement

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

 

My quest to eradicate all things flip flop related will never stop. I mentioned last year how annoying I find flip flops to be. Last week, as soon as the temperature rose above 15 degrees, the flip flop army came out in full force. 

 

I think even more annoying than flip flops themselves are the people who wear them. Why are you so eager to pull that tacky 50 cents worth of plastic shit out of your wardrobe at the very sniff of sunshine? It’s only April. I’m meant to be full of the joys of spring, instead I’m full of rage due to exposure to your crusty feet. 

 

Flip flop wearers take extreme offense to my stance on this issue. ‘They’re so comfortable!’ they cry. ‘They’re easy and breezy blah, blah, yada, yada.’ Yeah, you know what else is comfortable and easy? A MOTHERBITCHING SANDAL! 

 

A Heel strap! That’s all I’m asking for. I don’t get why it’s so hard for you ladies to understand. Here’s the message you put out to the world when you wear flip flops: you are a lazy individual, who cannot be bothered to even bend down to put a shoe on properly. You are not concerned about your feet, your walk, or the impression you put out there to the world. Yes, it is that serious! While I may be the only woman who feels this way, ask any man his feelings about women and flip flops and trust me, I have an army of supporters. 

 

Here’s some guidance to help you understand when you should not be wearing flip flops: 

 

- Anywhere in a city

It’s not footwear designed for the city. Too many hazards could cause you to fall and hurt yourself, but frankly, that’s what you deserve if you are wearing flip flops in the first place. 

 

- Out to dinner

Are you fucking kidding me? I really don’t need to explain this, do I?

 

- Kept in your handbag to change into after a night of clubbing

Umm, be a woman dammit! I have walked home in heels with blisters and cuts on my feet and I strutted it out like a diva (*two finger snaps*). You should do the same. 

 

-  The workplace

Ohhh Lord, I’m getting heated even thinking about this. Unless your job is a lifeguard, you better get your shit together. 

 

In short, the only two acceptable places to wear flip flops are the beach and at a swimming pool. Other than that, it should be an arrestable offense. 

 

So c’mon ladies, start seeing the merits of sandals and make the switch, I beg of you. You can easily discard of your flip flops. Your entire collection of 17 pairs couldn’t have cost more than $2.50 anyway.

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