Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
Yesterday, I decided, having been back in the country three months now, I should register with a doctor. I don’t really get sick and I actually kind of hate doctors, but on the off chance that my lungs fall out or something, I figured I should be on the books somewhere.
I thought, I’ll call, they’ll take a few details over the phone and make an appointment for me. Well, you already know that was wishful thinking. I was greeted with a pre-recorded message and several menu options.
Explain to me the need for menu options. I’m calling a doctors office, not the White House. ‘Press 1 for Prescriptions, Press 2 for Appointments, Press 3 for Emergencies, Press 4 for Home Visits…’ It went on, for a total of 7 menu options. By the time it’d finished, I’d forgotten what I was calling for in the first place. There was one possibly fatal flaw though with this particular menu; why the hell was ‘emergencies’ number three on the list? If it’s an emergency, the last thing I want to do is fanny about trying to navigate your ridiculous menu options. Emergency, by it’s very nature, one would think, would surely clinch the top spot in a telephone menu!
What I find even more amusing about their menu optioned phone system, is I don’t care what doctor’s office you go to in the world, there’s always a maximum of two miserable bitches working reception. You mean to tell me, between them, they couldn’t just answer the phone and ask you what you want? Bitch please!
So I press any random button and get through to a very unenthusiastic woman who then tells me I have to actually physically go to the surgery, fill in some forms and then they’ll give me an appointment. I wish I’d pressed the emergency button to see if this process would be any quicker.
I was already pissed that I was forced to actually pick up a phone and call these people. Why is there no ‘registration’ button available on their website. Jesus, what decade is it? I have to pick up the phone, then go in there and fill out paper forms using, like, ink and stuff?
Maybe I should wait until my lungs are actually falling out – perhaps then the process will be a little quicker.
Tags: doctors, phones, useless people
Posted in life | 10 Comments »
Monday, November 9th, 2009
So, what’s wrong with you? Are you lactose intolerant? Wheat intolerant? Coeliac? Gluten intolerant? Have a nut allergy? Come on, we all have something. Going out to eat with people is harder and harder these days as diva-esque dietary requirements have permeated our society to the point where it makes me wish we all went back to living in caves and eating twigs (if we ever even ate twigs. Who knows? Or cares, for that matter).
And I’m no exception. Anyone who knows me knows I’ve been a hideously picky eater since birth. How my parents managed to get any kind of nourishment in me as a child is beyond me, since I didn’t actually seem to like anything. And where does that get you? I’ll tell you where – it gets you to 28 years old and liking approximately five foods.
One of those foods is bread. Oh how I love me some bread! Give me bread, in any form and I will chow down like a Queen at a banquet. I could eat bread for every meal. Just the bread – I don’t even need to jazz it up. Butter and jam are for suckers. Give me a straight up loaf and I’m in heaven. However, let this be a cautionary tale:
After years of having problem skin and trying literally everything to get rid of it, I went to a naturopath, homeopath something or other and the word came back conclusively that I should lay off the wheat. And the dairy. No regular doctor had ever recommended I try this route (given, I hate regular doctors and rarely go to them unless it’s something serious like, a lung is hanging out of my chest). Regular doctors just try to jack you up on antibiotics, which, in the case of skin problems, have no effect or if they do, good luck trying to get off them, because your skin will just flare right up again.
So, I have been off the bread for a while now. And in it’s place? A crap load of supplements. I take vitamin A, zinc, methonine, calcium, flaxseed oil – I’m surprised I don’t rattle when I walk. Sure, every now and then, I bypass the gluten free bread I’m supposed to eat and just wolf down a few slices of the regular stuff for old times sake, but you can guarantee my skin suffers as a result.
So, this new world of rice milk and gluten free breads combined with the entire supplement section of a natural health food store has helped with my particular problem. It has also put a serious dent in my wallet. I guess I’ll just get by on my bird food diet and the smell of bakeries for the rest of my life. Fun times.
Tags: doctors, food, natural health
Posted in life | 7 Comments »