Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
Mariah Carey was recently in the UK and caused a bit of a stir with her allegedly outlandish diva demands. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with asking for 20 white kittens and 100 white doves to be in any room you’re in. I’m also a huge advocate for butterfly-shaped confetti to fall on people during their performances (confetti weighs as much as bricks, right?). I don’t see how or why celebrities reserve the right on diva demands, so I have come up with a few for myself. If you ever invite me anywhere, you better have the following things in place:
- I will only travel in a Fiat Uno, nothing less.
- In the event that there is no Fiat Uno available, I demand to have the front seat on the bus and I will not be moved, no matter how hard an old person or woman with child stares at me.
- I want an endless supply of Party Feet Insoles for when my feet feel like I’m walking across hot coles after a day in my heels. Failing that, perhaps we could have Mr T of the A Team roll with me at all times and give me piggy backs when times get hard.
- My entourage will consist of Gok Wan (because every girl needs her gay), Millie Jackson (because if I was a black woman in the ’70s, I would totally be her) and Sue Sylvester of hit TV show Glee (because I live for her).
- I will need someone to make me tea every hour, half hour – I will need someone to administer tea to me intravenously.
- All lines at the check outs in Primark should be immediately cleared upon my entry. Actually, for the safety of everyone, it’s better that we get everyone out of Primark altogether.
- I need at least 5 bags of yoghurt covered raisins wherever I go. Preferably, these will be fed to me by a hot man who is stripped down to his boxers (do I need to give reasons for this?).
- Someone will wash and blow dry my hair two-three times a week. I don’t have enough arms to blow dry my waist length hair straight. It hurts.
I don’t think any of those are too outrageous. If you could all get to work on fixing me up with my diva demands, that would be great. What would be on your list?
Tags: diva, mariah carey
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