Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

Turn off your stereo – It's Christmas

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

You know what I hate? That every store I go into now is playing Christmas music. There should be a law against all things Christmas-y appearing before December 1st. (In fact, if we could push it back further, it would really work better with what I’ve got going on) I like Christmas, the season, I just can’t stand the soundtrack.

 

I don’t discriminate – I hate all Christmas music equally. The rock version, the overly-dramatic gospel version, the church choir version, the Mariah Carey version (why is this still in rotation? They can burn Salman Rushdie books but we can’t start a bonfire with Mariah Carey Christmas CDs?), the unbelievably corny Destiny’s Child version – I hate them all.

 

There are so many incredibly bad seasonal songs floating around, but the one I dread hearing year after year is ‘Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime’ by Paul McCartney. If McCartney’s still blubbering about not being the favorite Beatle, this song proves why. Lennon would never have written that shit. I believe Heather Mills was sent to McCartney as punishment for writing that piece of crap tune. Pay back is a mother bitch. (Seriously, on a scale of 1-10, how crazy is Mills?)

 

It’s bad enough that I have to hear all these songs every time I leave my house between November and January, but some deluded people think it’s cute to join a pack of carol singers and show up on your doorstep. I pity the fool that knocks on my door and tries to sing to me. It’s so uncomfortable. What am I supposed to do? It’s not like I can back it up to Silent Night.

 

And it’s just the same songs over and over again – Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire (for the record, I hate it when Jack Frost nips at my nose and the next time he tries it, I am taking him DOWN), Jingle Bells, White Christmas and maybe three other songs. Why has no one managed to come up with a more varied Yuletide playlist? When people record Christmas CDs, they just do covers of all the above-mentioned songs. Come on, we’ve heard them every which way they can be done – sing something new already!

 

So this holiday season, my stereo will be pumping out it’s usual steady diet of completely inappropriate hip-hop. After all, nothing says Christmas like Wu Tang.

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