Posts Tagged ‘britney spears’

The Britney Breakdown

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

I was 17 when Britney released her break out single, Hit Me Baby One More Time. The music was corny as hell and I was never a fan of bubblegum pop, but I had to hand it to her, this kid could perform her ass off. She was a conventional looking pretty blonde who could lip sync like a champion and really dance. She was riding high there for a few years. Then the marriage to the back up dancer came, then the kids, then just all of a sudden she went totally bat shit crazy and for the past few years everyone has been awaiting her supposedly great comeback. Well, this is it:

(more…)

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Posted in life | 13 Comments »

The Music of the ’00s

Friday, December 4th, 2009

It’s about to be 2010. Weren’t we meant to be living like The Jetsons by now? Where’s my robot and spaceship? I feel let down.

I thought I’d kick off a little series of retrospectives by taking a look at the musical high notes (geddit?) of the noughties (I’m glad the decade’s ending just so we don’t have to say that word anymore. However that does pose the question of how we’re supposed to refer to the next ten years).

The ’00s will undoubtedly be remembered as the decade of talent shows. Pop Idol, American Idol and a thousand other knocks offs gave every two-bit loser who’s ever sung into their hairbrush the opportunity to make a fool of themselves on national television. And we tuned in in droves to watch people who most likely rode on the special bus to school embarrass themselves on an unprecedented level.

The cast of judging characters stuck to a certain formula. Two male music executives and one or two women who are marginally talented and may have had a couple of hits within the last century. We know Randy will say any sound is pitchy, Paula will clap like a seal and Simon will shit all over everything and kill your dreams.

So in the ’00s we learned that to find true talent just took a 13 week series of one hour episodes of sing offs and eliminations. All so that the winner can have one hit then disappear off into a world of meth addiction and trailer parks.

But if the talent show genre didn’t appeal to you, there was plenty more trash you could get into. We were introduced to the word ‘Tween’ and learned that those little bastards want people their own age to entertain them. Enter Miley Cyrus and a whole heap of Disney bitches that made you question what the hell you’re doing with your life while they’re building bowling alleys in their houses.

Then of course there was the music to fall asleep to/slit your wrists to (Coldplay, James Blunt), or you could watch Justin Timberlake grow out of his boy band, repackage black music and sell it to you like he just reinvented the wheel (and expose Janet’s boob along the way).

Britney started off the decade at the top of her game and as the years went by she ended up married to and divorced from some white trash, with two Cabbage Patch kids and a shaved head.

If you like your musical artists with inner turmoil and outer track marks, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty put their addictions right out there on Front Street. Past musical legends tried to hide their demons while these two shot up on camera and Winehouse stashed half of Columbia’s coke supply in her beehive.

P Diddy changed his name more times than we can count and had several series of a show called ‘Making the Band’ where he made a bunch of bands and at the end of the decade, he is yet to keep one. Former members of the aforementioned ‘bands’ can now be found bagging groceries at your local supermarket.

So, what music will you remember the ’00s for?

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Colour Me Crazy

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Well who’d o’ thunk it? Being ‘different’ is now fashionable. I wish that had been the case when I was in high school, that way my Doc Martins and weird hairstyles would have been left in peace. Better late than never I guess, except that now, being different just means you’re being the same. Oh, the irony! So now what we have is people trying to outdo each other with the crazy, to see who can be the craziest. And if our pop starlets are anything to go by, the competition is fierce.

Take Rihanna for example. When she first sprang on the scene, she was this fresh-faced island girl:

It took her just a few short years to go from that to this:

Apparently, she favours the dominatrix look these days. It’s all very fashionable and edgy, but I get the feeling that it’s all very forced. Everybody’s style evolves, but this seemed to come out of nowhere. I imagine someone lays out her clothes for her every morning and she looks at it and says ‘really? This? *sigh* *eye roll* Fine.’

Then there’s Cassie of course. When her attempt to make herself more relevant by posting nude shots of herself on the interweb failed, she opted for something else and went from this:

to this:

Oh Cassie. Such a shame. Mainly because you seem to have forgotten about this little incident:

Britney already did it. And she went the whole hog. And because you only went half hog, now you look like a pussy. If you’re gonna go crazy, for God’s sake, go balls to the wall!

But of course, someone has come along and upped the crazy ante to the Nth degree. Everyone may as well just stop even trying. You can’t compete with this shit:

This doesn’t happen often, but I think I actually have no words.

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Posted in fashion | 12 Comments »

iPod Secrets

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

 

My ridiculously good taste in music (and everything else) has been well documented on this here blog. But there are some songs on my iPod, that I will inadvertently turn the volume down on, if I think that there’s the possibility someone on the train might hear it. We all have them, our iPod secrets. Those songs that are OK behind closed doors, but you don’t want anyone to know that you actually listen to them. 

 

Well, I’m busting the lid of this bad boy and letting you in to, what I like to call, my ‘turn it down nuggets’.

 

I’m Gonna Love You a Little Bit More – Barry White

 

Let it be said, I love me some Barry White. And I love this song, but the opening bars make me blush. If I’m listening to this on the train, I often have to just skip it, for fear that if I let it play, I’ll start dancing seductively against some unsuspecting businessman on his morning commute. Good Lord, I’m getting a bit flustered just thinking about it. Oh Barry…

 

I’m a Slave For You – Britney Spears

 

Every time this comes on my iPod, I think ‘how the hell did this get here?’ and yet, I am yet to take it off. I don’t even like the song and still it remains, just popping up on my shuffle every now and then to taunt me. 

 

Bump ‘N Grind – R Kelly

 

Having anything by R Kelly anywhere near my iTunes makes me need to Purell my entire body. It’s sick and wrong. But this song (‘my mind’s telling me no, but my boooooddddyyyyy, my boooooddddddyyyyy’s telling me yeeeeheeeessss’), you can’t listen to that in public. Ugh, I can’t believe I just admitted to having that on my iPod – I need ’90s R’n'B singer rehab. 

 

Sussudio – Phil Collins

 

I’m not ashamed to admit that my love for Phil runs deep. Sussudio is the shit! WHAT?! I just have to turn the volume down when this comes on my rotation and I’m in public because I will throw down to some Sussudio. Don’t test me. 

 

Step By Step – New Kids on the Block

 

Fellow Block fans can affirm this for me: is is just me, or are the opening couple of bars on this track just insanely loud? I have tried to just let this play on my iPod while I’m on the train because, let’s face it, it’s a great fucking track (it’s OK if you’re still in denial – you’ll come around eventually), but I get strange looks from people (the ‘Block Haters’). Bedroom = fine. Train = not so much. 

 

So come on – I shared mine. Tell me your iPod turn-’em-down nuggets in the comments.

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Posted in life | 6 Comments »