Posts Tagged ‘amy winehouse’

RIP Amy Winehouse

Monday, July 25th, 2011

I was lucky enough to interview Amy Winehouse when she was doing promotion for her first album, Frank. I, the young, wannabe music journalist unsure of what I was doing, Amy so laid back she put me right at ease. She was funny, charming, outspoken and opinionated. She’d clearly had no media training and was just telling it like it was. She was a breath of fresh air among a sea of bubblegum pop starlets.

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The Music of the ’00s

Friday, December 4th, 2009

It’s about to be 2010. Weren’t we meant to be living like The Jetsons by now? Where’s my robot and spaceship? I feel let down.

I thought I’d kick off a little series of retrospectives by taking a look at the musical high notes (geddit?) of the noughties (I’m glad the decade’s ending just so we don’t have to say that word anymore. However that does pose the question of how we’re supposed to refer to the next ten years).

The ’00s will undoubtedly be remembered as the decade of talent shows. Pop Idol, American Idol and a thousand other knocks offs gave every two-bit loser who’s ever sung into their hairbrush the opportunity to make a fool of themselves on national television. And we tuned in in droves to watch people who most likely rode on the special bus to school embarrass themselves on an unprecedented level.

The cast of judging characters stuck to a certain formula. Two male music executives and one or two women who are marginally talented and may have had a couple of hits within the last century. We know Randy will say any sound is pitchy, Paula will clap like a seal and Simon will shit all over everything and kill your dreams.

So in the ’00s we learned that to find true talent just took a 13 week series of one hour episodes of sing offs and eliminations. All so that the winner can have one hit then disappear off into a world of meth addiction and trailer parks.

But if the talent show genre didn’t appeal to you, there was plenty more trash you could get into. We were introduced to the word ‘Tween’ and learned that those little bastards want people their own age to entertain them. Enter Miley Cyrus and a whole heap of Disney bitches that made you question what the hell you’re doing with your life while they’re building bowling alleys in their houses.

Then of course there was the music to fall asleep to/slit your wrists to (Coldplay, James Blunt), or you could watch Justin Timberlake grow out of his boy band, repackage black music and sell it to you like he just reinvented the wheel (and expose Janet’s boob along the way).

Britney started off the decade at the top of her game and as the years went by she ended up married to and divorced from some white trash, with two Cabbage Patch kids and a shaved head.

If you like your musical artists with inner turmoil and outer track marks, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty put their addictions right out there on Front Street. Past musical legends tried to hide their demons while these two shot up on camera and Winehouse stashed half of Columbia’s coke supply in her beehive.

P Diddy changed his name more times than we can count and had several series of a show called ‘Making the Band’ where he made a bunch of bands and at the end of the decade, he is yet to keep one. Former members of the aforementioned ‘bands’ can now be found bagging groceries at your local supermarket.

So, what music will you remember the ’00s for?

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Posted in life | 8 Comments »

Bargain Basement Beauty

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008


Have you ever had a salon offer you all of their services for a crazy low price?

 

We get people from this one salon coming into my workplace all the time, trying to flog a package of every salon service known to mankind for just $47. They come in with these flyers and expect you to fall out of your chair in amazement at this offer, hand over your money and a pat them on the back.

 

$47 will get you:

A haircut
Highlights
Manicure
Pedicure
Massage
Facial
Make up application
Complimentary toe sucking

 

Bitch please! I’m of the opinion that you get what you pay for. A good haircut will run you $80, highlights – $70-100, mani/pedi – $30, massage – $100, facial – $70, make up application – I have no idea why your lazy ass can’t just do that yourself. My point being, there is no way I’m getting nearly $400 worth of service for $47.

 

If you’re lucky, this is what you’ll get:

 

Haircut – trimming two of your split ends off
Highlights – someone will spray a used bottle of Sun-In in your hair and hope for the best
Manicure – clear polish, no hand cream (it costs too much)
Pedicure – two minute foot rub
Massage – karate chopping your shoulders for ten minutes while waiting for your nail polish to dry
Facial – someone throws a bucket of water at your face
Make up application – by someone sent from the Amy Winehouse school of crack face

 

What makes this whole bogus offer worse is that the last chick they sent in to try to sell it to us was a hot mess. She had peroxide blonde hair with roots so black she looked like a zebra, pores you could see from space and chipped nail polish. The more she was talking about how great the salon services were, the more my mouth hung open. I looked her up and down. If that’s what $47 gets me, I think I’ll pass, thanks. She saw me looking at her and said ‘oh I know, I need to get my nails done.’ You need to get a lot of things done, sweetheart. You better hustle a little harder for that $47. I love how I didn’t even need to say that to her, the look on my face made her get defensive enough. It’s a good thing, because if I’d started to tell her verbally, I would have run out of air.

 

Now when they come in, as soon as they say ‘I’m from the salon…’, I shut them down. Though I’m sure, one day, some desperate, ugly, broke sucka will take them up on their offer.

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Posted in fashion | 10 Comments »

From the Vault of Bad Ideas Comes…

Friday, February 29th, 2008


The Amy Winehouse Fashion Collection.
Heaven help us all, but this week it was announced that Ms Winehouse will be coming out with a clothing line. Whose bright idea was this? Has this person seen Amy Winehouse recently? It’s the kind of idea that’s born out of a crack high. I’m a fan of her music, but do I want to look like her? Hell-to-the-no.

 

From what I can make out, through the hair, layers of make up, tattoos and remnants of crack rock, I believe Amy is trying to go for the ‘pin-up girl’ look. Well, you ain’t pulling it off, honey. But hey, she’s almost there. Maybe once she’s fully off the crack, she can pull it all together and surprise us.

 

The fashion line will consist of clothes, make-up, hairspray, liquid eyeliner (which will probably come in an oil tanker) and possibly a perfume (not for nothing, but I totally don’t even want to know what Eau de Amy smells like).

 

So, to prevent further fashion mishaps, I have compiled a list of people who should never, under any circumstances, have a clothing line. (Sadly, some of the people on this list already do, I’m hoping this list will result in them ceasing production immediately – one lives in hope).

 


Britney Spears
Goes without saying really. It would probably just consist of fishnet tights with holes in, mismatched, wrongly sized tops and jeans (complete with food stains). Obviously, there would be no underwear in the line. I’m surprised homegirl is still managing to hawk a perfume when she looks like she hasn’t bathed since ’04.

 


Beyonce
She released that piece of trash line with her mama. Yawn. And there’s fur in it – big no no. If you want to dress like Beyonce, wouldn’t you want the stage costumes? Go all out. Hotpants, sequins, feathers, leotards. And that’s just for a trip to the supermarket.

 


Angelina Jolie
Jolie sure is purdy, but she can’t dress for shit. Has she ever worn anything other than black or white? If she did have her own line, it’d be made only by children she adopted, while on play dates in worn torn countries, using recycled materials.

 


Mariah Carey
I’ve discussed Mariah’s unique sense of style before. Her look is obviously quite easy to achieve; just be as near to naked as possible at all times. Don’t forget the stripper heels. If you must be clothed, make sure you’re only wearing a negligee, then go sign some autographs for the kids.

 


Sienna Miller
For a split second there, she was almost considered a fashion icon. But then she forgot that things like clean hair, for example, are considered attractive. To achieve the Sienna look, get up, do not shower, pull some clothes out of your dirty laundry hamper, throw them on, add some Uggs and you’re good to go.

 


The Olsens
Again, they already have a line, but they didn’t call it Creatures from the Black Lagoon – that was mistake number one right there. And I think they tried to make pretty things, which doesn’t embody the Olsen spirit. The Olsen wardrobe is simple; plaid shirt, black tights, 10 inch heels and a bag you can fit a small African nation in.

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Posted in fashion | 4 Comments »

Some Winehouse, a Canuck and Some Very Nice Shoes

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008


Winehouse Does the Grammys


When I saw Amy Winehouse’s Grammy performance, I damn near gave her a standing ovation in my bedroom.

 

I interviewed Amy in 2003 while working for a music mag in London. We were profiling her as an up-and-coming artist. I remember meeting her at a little spot next to the Jazz Café in Camden. I don’t remember much of the interview, other than it being a refreshing conversation. She was a fresh voice, in every sense. New on the scene, she’d clearly had no media training. She spoke her mind on any and everything and she was hilarious.

 

Her first album didn’t do much. When the second one came out and started to build steam, it was sad to see she had to become a complete train wreck before getting the recognition she deserves.

 

Her personal life, played out daily in the brutal British tabloids, seemed to go from bad to worse last year. Professionally, she didn’t seem to show up to any gigs without being intoxicated and it was a miracle if she actually finished a show.

 

So her performance at the Grammys Sunday night, was a milestone. She looked sober. She smiled. She performed. She danced (not very well, but she did, nonetheless), She had all her teeth and she even appeared to have brushed that rats nest of a beehive.

 

Probably the best moment was when she won Record of the Year and gave the oh-so-classy shout out; “For my Blake, incarcerated.”

 

But even if she hadn’t done any of that, there’s no arguing with that voice.

 

*Quick side bar: For all the shit they’ve had to put up with, her backing singers should totally get their own gig. C’mon, scale of 1-10, how adorable are they?!

 

(Sorry, couldn’t find the video to link here).

 

‘Canadian’ is the new N word


I read this interesting piece about how in some of the southern states, ‘Canadian’ is the new racial slur, which I found pretty hilarious.

 

On the up side, I guess they finally figured out that saying the N word is a pretty sure fire way to get your ass kicked/get a personal visit from Al Sharpton. But why replace it with ‘Canadian’ of all things?

 

In the article they use the example of black people being bad tippers at a restaurant, so the staff will say they have a table of ‘Canadians’. If we’re talking about bad tipping, shouldn’t the racial slur be ‘Brits’? But as I have dual British/Canadian citizenship, I guess I’d be offended either way.

 

Click here to read the whole article

 

A Sign From On High


Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is a God. I went into my favorite shoe shop the other day and saw that some shoes I’d been stalking had (much to my delight) made their way into the 50% off section. And they had my size.

 

If that isn’t the big JC looking down from heaven saying ‘treat yourself, bitch’, I don’t know what is.

 

These Betsy Johnson numbers have a 4 1/2 inch heel, plaid uppers, fushia pink soles and black patent toes and heels. (That description makes them sound hideous, but I assure you, they are the very definition of fabulous).

 

I had asked the man upstairs to send me Marc Jacobs flats, but as everyone says, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

 

High five to Jesus!

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Posted in life | 7 Comments »