Posts Tagged ‘advice’

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Thursday, July 15th, 2010

Dear Bangs,

My brother has this girlfriend that was ok to start with, but the longer they’ve been together the more I can see she’s a user. He does absolutely everything for her, which would be fine if she was a nice girl, but she isn’t. She does nothing to recipricate his actions and just takes, takes, takes.

It would be fine if that was it, i’d leave them to it, but he keeps inviting her out when we go out, telling me I should take her to places when I go on nights out with my friends, even to the point of suggesting I buy her stuff when I go shopping and he’ll reimburse me!!! (I’ve done none of these things I hasten to add)

My brother and I are pretty close so i’ve bitten my tongue so far, but I’m close to errupting!!

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Pissed Off Sister

——————————

Dear Pissed Off Sister,

According to data gathered by myself, it is a statistical fact that sisters are right 99.7% of the time. That same data also suggests that brothers don’t know what they’re doing 62.8% of the time, make bad choices 47.9% of the time and are straight up idiots when it comes to girls 74.3% of the time. I have been told that this data is not wholly reliable, but it was my brother who said that and as we can see by the stats, that instantly vetoes his point of view.

Anyway, back to you. What can you do in this situation? Unfortunately, pretty much nothing. As much as it sounds like your brother is getting rolled over by a tractor trailer, covered in a steam roller, buried under a fork lift truck, it is his decision. If he’s not complaining, don’t go in there, guns blazing, talking about your beef. Nobody cares and that’s a soap opera waiting to happen.

As far as you taking her places when you’re out with friends, if you’re uncomfortable around her, don’t bother. You should make an effort to be pleasant , just for manners sake, but she ain’t your sister-in-law so it’s really not that serious. As for your bro suggesting you should buy her things, I should come round there and bitch slap him myself for that one. How about hell-to-the-no? It’s all well and good if your brother wants to treat her every now and then, but he needs to get a grip if he’s funding this girl’s entire existence without batting an eyelid.

If things come to a head, I suggest calmly explaining to your bruv that his girlfriend is just not your type of person and you don’t particularly like the way she treats him, as such, you’d rather not spend a lot of time with her. Explain that you’ll be pleasant, but you don’t plan on going above and beyond. That’s all you can do. Don’t harp on the subject, but you should definitely mention it. Sounds like your bro is wearing rose tinted glasses and doesn’t really get that he’s being rinsed dry.

Sadly, he’s gonna have to learn the hard way and come to that conclusion himself.

Smooches,

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Tags: ,
Posted in relationships | 7 Comments »

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

Dear Bangs,

I’m getting married and I now face the inevitable dilemma of who to invite. Or, more accurately, who can I NOT invite?


There are a couple of friends whom I would rather not have there, not because they’re not great people but because they’re just not in my close circle, they don’t know anyone within my close circle, and I just can’t relax around them for too long. I think they count me as a close friend, but we hardly ever see each other. One of them got married a year ago and invited my fiance and I to the wedding – they also generously put us up in one of their comp hotel rooms! So how do I go about not inviting them, without hurting their feelings? I can’t tell them it’s “family only” as I will be inviting my (much closer) friends.


My fiance says I should just invite them to avoid feeling guilty, but I don’t want to invite people out of obligation – and it starts getting expensive then anyway. However I also don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings. No one wants to be a bitchy bride. Help!

Bride To Be

————————–

Dear Bride to Be,

Well that’s quite the catch vingt-deux you’ve got going on there. Firstly, congrats on the wedding n’ all. Secondly, brace yourself, ’cause the advice you’re about to get is from a die hard singleton.

Here’s the thing with weddings – they’re big, they’re costly and someone, somewhere down the line is gonna have to do some shit they don’t wanna do (do you think your bridesmaids are thrilled about having to wear strapless  gowns that have full skirts with netting? ‘Cause I’m telling you right now, they ain’t).

I used to be a travel agent (which I kinda sucked at, because on average, I want to sucker punch 1 in 3 people I come across in daily life, so am not really cut out for a customer service role) and my worst kind of clients were the ones booking destination weddings. For a kick off, I don’t think there’s anything tackier than a destination wedding, ever. And I also thought it was a damn cheek to book a holiday, which you essentially expect other people to pay for, then invite people – it’s basically like saying ‘would you like to come to my wedding? Yes? Great, here’s a bill for £1000!’ I thought these people were assholes. Then I realised the genius of it. Some people were booking destination weddings to price people out of actually attending. Have it somewhere exotic and most people can’t afford to go. Perfect! You’ve done your bit by inviting them, all that’s left for you to do is act woeful when they say they can’t make it (then switch to your Dr Evil laugh behind closed doors).

However, I’m assuming you haven’t gone down the destination wedding route so really, that little anecdote was completely pointless.

Lemme tell it like it is Bride to Be – you have no choice but to invite these people. You know why? Because you went to their wedding! That in itself doesn’t guarantee them getting an invite to yours, but you put the nail in your own coffin when you happily stayed in one of their comp hotel rooms. If you’re not all that close, why did you go to their wedding? Admit it, you couldn’t resist the hotel room and a bit of free food. No one’s mad at you for that – it’s the only reason I go to most formal events. But you can’t, after having accepted their hospitality (i.e run up their wedding bill), then suddenly decide that you’re not really all that close and you don’t want to invite them.

In short, that is terrible etiquette and really kinda rude.

Better get those invites in the mail – pronto.

Smooches,

Bangs

If you have a problem and need a little tell-it-like-it-is advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Tags: ,
Posted in relationships | 14 Comments »

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

IMG_7963

Dear Bangs,


I have a friend and colleague who I feel may actually be more of a frenemie. She’s a wild card, which can make her fun, but right now it’s really rubbing me the wrong way.

We work in the same office, but for slightly different organisations. I’ve worked here longer, so maybe I’m just being resistant to change, but I don’t really think that’s the case. I think the problem is she’s a knob.


She has this sense of entitlement and authority – she has a really flamboyant style, loads of very big, very visible tattoos, she wears gold cowboy boots with knee high socks and a silk Chinese dress (it doesn’t work) and sheer tops over sheer bras. She’s obsessed with Vice magazine and has got our colleague to take topless photos of herself in the office to send to them. She talks about sex and drugs in the office, she’s always hung over and somehow our boss seems to love her.


As I’m leaving, she’s taken it upon herself to recruit for my role despite no one having asked her to. It’s nothing to do with her, but she feels this entitlement to do as she pleases. But maybe I’m being sensitive about leaving.

We went to a really nice tea party in a lovely hotel recently where I introduced her to my sister and frenamie spent the whole time shocking people by talking loudly about torture porn.

She has an internet slave. She sends him dirty underwear and he sends her money and designer shoes. That’s not too relevant – it’s just a bit weird.

So, I suppose my question is do I tell her she’s being a knob, or is that what makes her special and since I’m leaving it won’t affect me for much longer anyway. If I try to tame her will I ruin what’s special about her, or does she just need to learn?

Lots of love

Dowdy feeling friend

——————————-

Well Dowdy Feeling Friend, your friend sounds like a douchebag. Seriously, you are to be commended for withstanding the seemingly endless string of shite she appears to be hurling your way (or really just anyone’s way, whether they’re paying attention or not).

Let’s examine the various levels of douchebaggery this individual is caught up in:

a) gold cowboy boots, knee high socks and a Chinese dress – really? I mean, really?

b) the obsession with Vice Magazine – internationally recognised as the hipster douchebag journal of choice.

c) talking about sex and drugs in the office/always being hung over – ugh, just tired and classless.

d) torture porn – I don’t even know where to begin with that one.

e) the internet slave thing – I should be outraged, yet I find myself strangely jealous that she’s getting shoes out of that deal.

Alas, if I carry on, I’ll run out of alphabet.

And so, to your question: should you inform her of her twatiness or just let it slide? I think it’s clear that telling her will make absolutely no difference to her behaviour whatsoever. She’s an attention whore (and quite possibly an actual whore, on the internet at least). Everything about the behaviour you’ve described says that she goes balls out for maximum impact at all times. Telling her will undoubtedly give her an excuse (as if she’d need one) to be dramatic, start a fight, harp on about how the world’s against her….I’m falling asleep just thinking about it.

I think some of this is stemming from your feelings about leaving, but really if I were you, I would just ignore her antics. Playing into it gives her exactly what she wants. She sounds so utterly tiresome, I can’t imagine doing anything other than turning your back and walking far, far away (preferably with some lighter fluid and those gold cowboy boots).

Smooches,

Bangs

If you have a problem and need some tell-it-like-it-is advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

Tags: ,
Posted in life, relationships | 8 Comments »

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

IMG_8125

Dear Bangs,


I’ve noticed you’re pretty opinionated when it comes to your taste in fashion so was wondering if I could pick your brains about something.


I have a friend, whom I love and hang out with a lot – the only problem is, I hate the way she dresses. She’s a lovely girl, but the way she dresses is doing nothing for her. Is there a way I can mention this to her without hurting her feelings? I think she could be doing a lot more with her look.


Sincerely,

Stylish Friend

————————-

Dear Stylish Friend,

You’re probably going to be a bit surprised by my answer here, but in short, you should keep your mouth shut.

Just because you don’t like what she’s wearing doesn’t mean she should run out and buy a new wardrobe. News flash: it’s not all about you, honey. I have some friends who I think have terrible taste, but you know what, they like what they wear and they wear it with confidence, so it’s really not my place to get all Tim Gunn on them every time they’re about to leave the house in something I deem inappropriate.

Now, if she’s wearing things that genuinely don’t suit her in terms of colour and body shape, yes, there are subtle ways you can address this. Go shopping with her and if you are up on what types of styles suit certain shapes, pick out things for her to try on. I’m not exactly the type of person who beats around the bush and am lucky that I have friends that I can flat out say ‘that looks awful!’ to and they won’t cry themselves to sleep over it. For the most part, women are grossly oversensitive and anything that is seen as an attack on appearance is usually written off as jealousy and that you’re trying to knock her down (off what, it’s never really clear). It’s bollocks, but if you’re friend is the ultra-sensitive type, be prepared to walk on egg shells.

However, if she merely has different taste to you and you’re not feeling it, suck it up. Look on the bright side – you’ll never engage in that hideous girly ritual of borrowing each others clothes. I know people who own Uggs for Christ’s sake – I’ll stop short of calling them friends because, you know, Uggs test even my limits, but hey, I’ll hang out with them and bite my tongue while I attempt to respect the fact that they made a horrible choice in footwear.

You, my friend, must do the same.

Smooches,

Bangs

Tags: ,
Posted in fashion | 4 Comments »

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Dear Bangs,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four good years. They’ve been up and down, but he’s my best mate, and makes me happy. Even if he is the most annoying turd at times.

We have a large group of friends who are a variety of ages between 20-40. A lot are of course couples, which is great.

Several of these said couples have decided to get engaged or have babies very recently having been together not that long. Now that’s cool, however what I wasn’t prepared for was the questions I somehow received…

“So when are you and Turd* tying the knot?”
“Four years now! Must be soon eh?!”
“Will you propose to Turd*?”
“Will you and Turd* be having babies soon?”
“Not long now! You’re next!!!”

Bloody hell.

I must point out, said engaged/up-the-duff couples aren’t happy, argue a lot, and are very odd couples. But what I don’t like is almost peer pressure. I almost felt sorry for Turd* when he was asked the other day. Talk about pushing a bunny boiler comment. I’m surprised he hasn’t made a run for it.

So two questions really Bangs. Number one, how do I tell these people firstly, I’m not engaged, judging by my finger, and have no idea when Turd* may propose. Nor do I want an idea, or want to have a forced coversation in order to decifer if Turd* feels that way.

Number two, should I feel hurt, that actually after four years, nearly the same living together, Turd* will never get to that point and I need to jog Turd* on? Or, give him some Beyonce, Single Ladies?

Either way, I wanna know!

Yours frustratedly,

Unengaged

*names have been changed to protect the innocent

————————

Dear Unengaged,

Ahh yes, the adult peer pressure marriage countdown. A classic.

Well, I’d invite all these friends round for dinner and make them a dish that requires a spoonful of ‘mind your own business’, a dollop of ‘shut the hell up’ and a side order of bitch slaps. Ahh, they’re well intentioned, the poor buggers. They’re so busy on cloud nine with their own pregnancy/wedding news that they probably don’t even realise how annoying those questions are.

The solution to this is simple: tell them to shut the hell up. Seriously. Just let them know, you and *Turd haven’t really talked about it, you’re good where you’re at and that’s that. Then just let them know, you know what, I’m happy for you guys, but all the questions about what me and *Turd are up to makes us kinda uncomfortable, so if and when there’s news on that front, I’ll be sure to tell you, until then, please shut the hell up about it.

As for whether you should feel offended, absolutely not. You’ve clearly got a guy who loves you – he’s stuck around for four years. Ordinarily, I would say the ‘where are we going?’ talk is suicide, but that’s only really if you’re a psycho bitch who drops that in on the second date. After four years, you do have a right to know. If you know that this is the guy you want to spend your future with, I say it’s best to discuss that with him. I wouldn’t advise donning a leotard, employing two of your friends as back up dancers and giving him the performance of a lifetime miming along to Beyonce . Don’t just come out and say ‘are we gonna get married, or what?!’ But it’s better to be open about it – that way you both know if you’re on the same page and moving in the right direction, or if it might be time to go your separate ways.

Basically, in both of these situations, you’ve just got to grow a set and say what’s what. No one can read your mind.

Smooches,

Bangs

If you need a little tell-it-like-it-is advice, email the Bitch Please Advice Column at bangsandabun@gmail.com

Tags: ,
Posted in relationships | 12 Comments »

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

img-thing

Dear Bangs,

I succumbed to a moment of weakness (whilst drunk last weekend) and flicked through my boyfriends text messages. I know that was totally inappropriate, and way out of line… and I wouldn’t normally do something that stalkerish/loopy… but I came across a text message saying “come over and f*ck me babe”, to which he replied “on my way” – do I confront him about it? Do I assume it was nothing? I can’t say anything without admitting that I searched through his phone. I would never have suspected that he would cheat on me… but can we really trust our boyfriends? I’m a bit confused, to say the least!!

Please help, Bangs
Warm regards,
A fan.

————————–

Dear A Fan,

*heavy sigh* Well, first of all, that sucks. Second of all, bitch please! Why did you go snooping? See, these are the messes we girls get ourselves into. You say it was a moment of weakness and that you would never have expected him to cheat on you. I say that’s bollocks. You looked because you had some sort of suspicion something was going on. Well, congratulations, you found it.

What you do next depends on a few things. If the current state of your relationship is all love and roses and there are no other signals that anything’s going on, you might wanna let it slide. The fact that he left his phone around for you to fiddle with tells me he’s a bit of a rookie if he is dipping his toe (and God knows what else) in other waters. Unless of course, you did it while he was sleeping, which puts you one step closer to psycho-stalker territory – congrats.

Your second option is to go all-out-crazy-bitch and call the number. This, I wouldn’t advise. There’s no way for you to come out of it without looking like a mental patient. Most women are far too highly emotional to be able to have a rational chit chat with a woman who is potentially doing the nasty with her boyfriend.

Third option – go straight Cagney & Lacey on his ass. The night in question, was he where he said he was? Could you get hold of him? Interview possible witnesses and other suspects. But again, you come out looking crazy.

Fourth option – just ask him. If it really is niggling at you that much and you’re that invested in the relationship, just fess up. Say you feel like an idiot, you realise you shouldn’t have done it, but you’d like to know the truth. Problem here is, he’s a man so will lie either way. Kinda how women have that unstoppable urge to snoop into things they shouldn’t, men have an unstoppable urge to lie – often for no good reason at all.

But really, my only advice here is – go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your snooping may have been born out of paranoia, boredom or drunkenness, but something deeper than that spurred you to go ahead and look. I’ve had many a crappy boyfriend do many a shitty thing and the one thing I can say through all of it is, if I’d just listened to my gut in the beginning, I could have avoided every last one of those situations.

Good luck and God speed!

Bangs

If you have a problem and would like some no nonsense, Bangs-style advice, email the Bitch Please Advice Column at bangsandabun@gmail.com

Tags: ,
Posted in relationships | 10 Comments »

The Bitch Please Advice Column

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

Dear Bangs,


I’m 21 and just finishing up my degree. I’ve been up North at uni for the past three years and want to move down to London when I’m done. I’m from a small town, so even moving to a large-ish city to go to uni was a big step. But I feel like I’ve grown a lot and want to go experience the big city.


The only problem is, my boyfriend doesn’t want to come. He likes it up here and has never really had any desire to live in London. I really love him and feel like he should support my wishes and at least come with me to try it out. If he doesn’t like it, fair enough, maybe we’re just destined for different things or whatever. But it hurts my feelings that he’s dismissing what I want so easily. He’s just finishing his degree too and I’m sure there’ll be plenty of opportunities for him in the Big Smoke.


How can I persuade him to come with me?


Sincerely,

Wannabe Big City Girl

———————————

Dear Wannabe Big City Girl,

I’m assuming you know how the Bitch Please Advice Column works and read my site for my uncanny ability to just tell it like it is, yes? Well, with that in mind….Bitch please!

You cannot be serious. You’re 21. Twenty one! For the love of God, get a grip. Take a step back for a second and hopefully, you’ll realise how stupid basing any sort of life decision around a man ever, but especially at your age, actually is.

So if he doesn’t want to go, you’re not going to go, is that it? You’ll stay with him and not follow your own plan of action? That’s a great life. You’ll waste away the next few months resenting him before it all falls to bits and you move to London anyway. But what if you’re not that lucky and it doesn’t fall apart after a few months? What if you’re stuck in this relationship resenting him for years? Do you really want to chance it?

I’m telling you right now, if you don’t follow your own desires and make this move, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. If he doesn’t wanna go, screw him! And hell, while I’m on this whole brutal honesty thing, you might want to look at him not wanting to go with you for what it really is. Your time at university is up and he, quite simply, doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Sounds like, in his eyes anyway, the relationship has run its course.

You’re not married. If you’re living with him, you’re doing entirely too much already. Women of all ages make this same mistake – investing too much too soon in a relationship. Sure you may be in love and all that, but you will be again too. At 21, I’m not really sure why you’re in such a rush to embed this guy into your life.

You saying if he comes with you and doesn’t like it, that’s fine. Come off it love, we both know that’s bollocks. If he went with you, decided after a couple of months that he didn’t like it and left, you’d be crying into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and yanking on his pant leg as he bolted for the door.

Do yourself a favour and keep your dignity in tact by not begging this guy to do something he clearly has no desire to do. If you’re meant to be together, you’ll work it out one way or another. But right now, this is a time in your life where you should be focusing on yourself and your goals. Trust me, once you move to London and get into the groove of your new life, this guy will be a distant memory.

Go forth and prosper young grasshopper!

Tags: ,
Posted in relationships | 12 Comments »

Dear Elizabeth Taylor,

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Hey Liz, can I call you Liz? I can’t imagine you’d go by a ‘Libby’ or some such mutation of your fabulous name. Anyhoo, how’s your life? Listen, I’m writing to you as I’m seeking some advice on men and I consider you to be quite the expert. I recently saw that you’re engaged again. Sure, I know you’ve denied those rumours, but people believed them. You know why they believed them? Because you’re a pimp, that’s why.

Seriously Liz, you’ve been married what? Like eight times? Clearly, there’s a thing or two you know about the male species that I am yet to master. (Some people might argue that the fact that you’ve had so many husbands could mean that you don’t understand men at all, but those people are pricks.) I mean, it’s one thing to have even eight boyfriends in your lifetime, but to convert the deal into husbandry eight whole times? I applaud you Ms Taylor, I really do.

So, when I heard you were engaged again, all I could think to myself was ‘she’s mad old, in a wheelchair and she’s got the crazy hair, yet she’s still getting action. Meanwhile, I can’t even get a date.’ You feel me Liz? No disrespect about the wheelchair thing by the way – I was approaching that more from the perspective of you not being able to wear a killer pair of heels and flash your legs.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re very busy and all, but I have a potential money earner for you if you’re interested. Here’s what I propose: how’s about you start doing ‘Bagging a Husband in Record Time Masterclasses’? Hear me out. It’s a jungle out here Liz. The dating scene is complete pandemonium. It’s hard, oh so hard. For me, it’s hard to give a crap about any of it. I’m not saying I want a husband, but I wouldn’t mind hanging with a guy who can commit to more than one dinner, you know what I’m saying? Who am I kidding? Of course you don’t know what I’m saying – you’re Elizabeth Taylor. A man just glances in your direction, falls to his knees and proposes. But you know, for us regular ladies, it doesn’t quite pan out like that.

So, you can run these workshops and spread some of your knowledge to us young ‘uns. Don’t worry, I can get you plenty of recruits and we can split the profits 80/20 (to me, ’cause you’re rich and this goldmine was my idea. Play fair, Liz). Areas I think would be of particular interest would be ‘seduction techniques’, ‘exactly how much money do I need in my bank account?’ and ‘how to fast track a divorce.’

So, whaddaya say Liz? Let’s go into business. The love business. Share your vast wealth of knowledge on this subject with those of us who need it most.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Smooches,

Bangs

P.S I feel like you could be doing more with the wheelchair. Maybe diamonds in the spokes or something? Just a suggestion.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in relationships | 15 Comments »

The ‘Bitch Please’ Advice Column

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Dear Bangs,

I have a friend in a toxic relationship (like getting locked out of her own apt in her underwear at 3AM or having her cell phone smashed, name calling etc). She has broken up with this guy a few times but then starts seeing him again. Each time she goes back she chalks it up to “going with her heart.” Some of her friends think it’s best to set boundaries and distance when she’s with him. I don’t want to make her feel alienated but I do want to express my disapproval and concern.  What do I do?  She is seriously sensitive and does not take criticism well.

Sincerely,

Concerned

————————–

Dear Concerned,

Excuse me a moment while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Wow, the things we do when we’re in love, huh?

The fact is, it’s just a matter of time until this relationship turns physically abusive. She has got to get some sense ASAP and get the hell outta dodge. How old is she? Is she close with her mother/would she listen to motherly council? I ask because, by the sounds of things, she likes to be controlled and she needs someone to step in here and sort her out.

I think your friends are right to set boundaries and I believe you should do the same. I’ve had a couple of friends in bad relationships and when they’re sensitive and defensive about their situations (because they know they’re wrong and don’t like it when that’s pointed out) all you can do to make your point is to show your limits. My friends were involved in stupid on-again-off-again clusterfucks with their fellas. I just told them, I love them and will always be their friend, but I’m not gonna be a sounding board for their nonsense. I won’t engage in conversation with them about their boyfriends unless they want to seriously discuss an exit strategy. I don’t need that stupid drama in my life and I don’t appreciate people bringing it around me. Often, just by being there, listening to it, you’re fuelling this person’s incessant need for attention. If you and her other friends remove yourselves from it, she sees consequences and may start to grasp that her decision to be with this man is seriously affecting the quality of her life (I would surely be question the quality of my life if I was locked out of my apartment in my underwear at 3am, but that’s just me).

You’re right, it is a fine line and you have to be careful how you phrase it. Lord only knows what’s going on behind closed doors in that relationship and the kind of pressure she’s under. As long as you express, calmly and clearly, that your concern comes from a place of love, not criticism or judgement, she should take it for what it is.

There is a way for you to shut down the foolishness and keep her at arms length, yet still keep that door open. And that door HAS to be open and the police need to be on speed dial for when shit goes down.

I’m all for people living their own lives and making their own decisions, but this girl is really at risk. Get her some help and get her out of there. She may not like you now, but she’ll thank you later.

If you have an issue and could use a little Bangs and a Bun advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

Tags: ,
Posted in life | 5 Comments »

The ‘Bitch Please’ Advice Column

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Dear Bangs,

I have a friend who has been in a relationship with someone for about a year who I’m also friends with.  I know he’s cheating, and it’s ripping me up inside since I love them both.  Well, I don’t know 100% for sure, but have seen him in some dodgy situations and have heard from very reliable sources that he is cheating.  For example I’ve seen him out with someone else and it’s always “oh this is just my friend” or “oh this is just my work colleague”.  My friend has mentioned that she has also had concerns that he’s not faithful, but as they say, love is blind because she just turns a blind eye and chalks it up to her insecurity.  Another friend tried to bring it up with her once and she got very defensive and angry.

Most recently I’ve seen him at a club clearly flirting with another girl.  Now I know there’s nothing wrong with flirting, but there’s a difference between playful flirting and “I want to get in your pants and do nasty things” flirting.

What should I do?  Should I tell my friend of this latest occurrence or should I keep my mouth shut?  Should I keep pushing the issue or should I just quietly wait until she learns her own lesson?  If I find out 100% for sure he is cheating, do I tell my friend or mind my own business?

Sincerely,
“Ivana Kutchakockoff”

———————————

Dear Ivana Kutchakockoff,

That is quite the dilemma and it’s compounded by the fact that you know and like both people involved.

Here’s the thing: we women tend to suffer from a terrible case of stick-your-nose-in-other-people’s-business-itis. Yes, it’s your friend, you don’t want to see her get hurt blah blah blah, but deep down, there is most likely a little part of you that kind of wants to see what drama will kick off if you unleash this bit of information. Don’t feel bad – we all have it to a degree. My advice to you is to surpress that beast.

However difficult that may be and however much you want to ‘protect’ your friend, it’s her life and you have to let her live it. There are two issues here that sway me in the direction of stepping back. The first is that you are not 100% sure that he has actually cheated. Sure ‘people’ have said, but oftentimes ‘people’ are full of shit. When you’ve seen him and he’s said the girl he’s with is a ‘friend’ or ‘work colleague’ there is actually a chance that those girls are his friends or work colleagues. Unless you catch him frolicking naked with some chick, video it and sell the video to TMZ, you don’t have evidence of anything.

The second issue is that you mention your friend has her suspicions anyway. So deep down, she knows and just doesn’t want to admit it yet. Listen, I’ve been in situations with fellas where, if I’d have just listened to my gut, I could have avoided a whole heap of drama (including, but not limited to, court cases and a significant other’s drug addiction – and those were separate guys!). Since she gets defensive when someone tries to mention the possibility of infidelity to her, she is going to have to see the proof for herself, which unfortunately means she’s gonna have to go through the Jerry Springer-esque humiliation of actually walking in on him banging someone else, in order for the point to truly hit home.

So Ivana, though it’s gonna be tough, you have to just stand back and let things unfold as they will. This is something your friend has to go through and figure out for herself. All you can do is have ice cream and tissues on hand for when it all comes out (and some steel toed boots to kick him in the balls with).

If you need some tell-it-like-it-is advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

Tags: ,
Posted in relationships | 10 Comments »