Dear Bangs,

My brother has this girlfriend that was ok to start with, but the longer they’ve been together the more I can see she’s a user. He does absolutely everything for her, which would be fine if she was a nice girl, but she isn’t. She does nothing to recipricate his actions and just takes, takes, takes.

It would be fine if that was it, i’d leave them to it, but he keeps inviting her out when we go out, telling me I should take her to places when I go on nights out with my friends, even to the point of suggesting I buy her stuff when I go shopping and he’ll reimburse me!!! (I’ve done none of these things I hasten to add)

My brother and I are pretty close so i’ve bitten my tongue so far, but I’m close to errupting!!

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Pissed Off Sister

——————————

Dear Pissed Off Sister,

According to data gathered by myself, it is a statistical fact that sisters are right 99.7% of the time. That same data also suggests that brothers don’t know what they’re doing 62.8% of the time, make bad choices 47.9% of the time and are straight up idiots when it comes to girls 74.3% of the time. I have been told that this data is not wholly reliable, but it was my brother who said that and as we can see by the stats, that instantly vetoes his point of view.

Anyway, back to you. What can you do in this situation? Unfortunately, pretty much nothing. As much as it sounds like your brother is getting rolled over by a tractor trailer, covered in a steam roller, buried under a fork lift truck, it is his decision. If he’s not complaining, don’t go in there, guns blazing, talking about your beef. Nobody cares and that’s a soap opera waiting to happen.

As far as you taking her places when you’re out with friends, if you’re uncomfortable around her, don’t bother. You should make an effort to be pleasant , just for manners sake, but she ain’t your sister-in-law so it’s really not that serious. As for your bro suggesting you should buy her things, I should come round there and bitch slap him myself for that one. How about hell-to-the-no? It’s all well and good if your brother wants to treat her every now and then, but he needs to get a grip if he’s funding this girl’s entire existence without batting an eyelid.

If things come to a head, I suggest calmly explaining to your bruv that his girlfriend is just not your type of person and you don’t particularly like the way she treats him, as such, you’d rather not spend a lot of time with her. Explain that you’ll be pleasant, but you don’t plan on going above and beyond. That’s all you can do. Don’t harp on the subject, but you should definitely mention it. Sounds like your bro is wearing rose tinted glasses and doesn’t really get that he’s being rinsed dry.

Sadly, he’s gonna have to learn the hard way and come to that conclusion himself.

Smooches,

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

The Social Media Mafia, (which consists of myself, Smarty Jones, The Jaded NYer, F$%k It List and Reina Song), have decided it’s high time we set down in bloggery, The Woman Law. On the whole, chicks seem to have lost their way (See: Kat Stacks), so we’re here to help you get back on track. Today, I discuss the importance of being a lady.

Women today are seriously misguided . Good manners and etiquette have fallen by the wayside. The role model count is way down. I look to women of the past, who actually had some class, then look at women today and despair.

On the left we have the divine Grace Kelly, on the right we have full time drunken train wreck and part time actress Lindsay Lohan. I rest my case.

Here are some basic tips on how to keep it classy:

Getting into Cars

I do not need to know the intimate details of your womb every time you get into or out of a car. If you’re wearing a skirt, it’s bum first, legs follow. Please keep your legs together. It’s much classier and no one thinks you’re at your gynecologist appointment. It really goes without saying that you should always be wearing underwear. If you have, at any point, left your house wearing a dress and no underwear and gotten into a car like you’re mounting a horse, give yourself a slap right now and let’s move on.

Being Drunk in Public

Huge no no. If you are past college age and you still go out and drink to get drunk, you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. As a lady, you should be able to enjoy a drink and still remember your name at the end of the night. Nobody is interested in your drunk tales the day after either. It’s not brag-worthy that you behave like that, it’s embarrassing.

Fighting

If you ever come to physical blows with another woman, you should have your vagina revoked immediately. Fighting is the most classless thing you can do as a woman. Stop making an ass of yourself, control your mouth and your fists and act right.

Potty Talk

If you belch, pass wind or whatever, don’t ever do it or make reference to it in public. No one needs to know about your toilet habits.

Don’t Groom in Public

That’s what bathrooms are for. Why are you clipping your nails on the bus? Applying your make up at the table in the restaurant? Brushing your hair on the train? And while I’m on the subject, stop applying your make up with a trowel. Minimalism is key. Some of you are looking like drag queens.

Stay on Top of Your Grooming

If you’ve chosen to dye your hair, you’ve also signed up for the upkeep. Don’t let it get to the stage where we see more of your roots than the actual hair colour. Do your eyebrows. If you have a moustache, wax that crap. Shave your pits and your legs and make sure your bikini region doesn’t resemble the Amazon. Single ladies, don’t think you don’t need to ’cause you don’t have a man – we need to stay ready. Girls in relationships, don’t think you don’t need to because you’re secure in your nest. If you’re not doing it anymore, your man will go out and find someone who is. Fact.

Wear Nice Lingerie

Your undergarments are, quite literally, the foundation of your outfit. If you’re wearing four year old knickers with holes in and a mismatched bra, you’re starting off totally on the wrong foot. Wear a nice, matching set of underwear and you’ll feel better and more confident. Operate by the ‘what if I get hit by a bus?’ rule.

The above is the bare minimum of what you should be doing as ladies. I’m tired of hearing women say ‘I don’t care.’ You absolutely should care. This stuff is important. Let’s get it together ladies!

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

When I arrived in Toronto in December of 2006, I got a job doing PR for an independent designer. She’d never had someone to do her PR and didn’t really have the budget. She was paying me $10 a hour and would only hire me part time. Meanwhile, my rent was $600 a month so, well, you do the math. It was a struggle, but I was desperate.

It would’ve been nice if I actually got the chance to do some PR, but it turned out there were all these other things involved that were never in the job description, like being the main point of contact for the 80+ stores we supplied to across Canada and the States. And shipping clothes out. And doing quality control. And entering every single item of clothing into Quickbooks. And sometimes doing invoicing. And the whole time, I’m being paid $10 an hour. I can barely even afford to get to work.

While I’m there, the designer talks down to me and the other members of staff constantly. Actually, the way she spoke to anyone was shocking. I wanted to grab her, shake the crap out of her and say ‘Honey, you ain’t no Karl Lagerfeld. Dial the ego down about 10 notches.’ She was rude, obnoxious and completely up her own ass.

She eventually asked me why she hadn’t had any press coverage yet. ‘Well perhaps if I wasn’t your personal UPS service, I might actually be able to do my job,’ I said. I struggled on for the next few weeks, but the new collection had just come out and who better to ship it out to the stores than the person who’s meant to be doing PR? The designer went to trade shows in LA and New York – a perfect opportunity for me to do some PR and network with journalists – but she never invited me.

She got me to ship things to a PR agency in New York. A few days later she told me she was letting me go because that agency would be doing her PR from now on. She had made me send clothing samples to the people who were taking my job. I wasn’t mad. I was relieved actually. Though I did wonder how much a New York agency would be charging to do her PR when she was supposedly struggling to pay me $10 an hour.

She gave me two weeks notice and said I could work those two weeks or not. I opted to focus on finding a new job and didn’t go into the office. At the end of those two weeks, I called her for my pay cheque, she said she didn’t owe me anything. This, of course, was nonsense. She owed me for the two weeks notice. Going back and forth with emails was futile. I went to a workers rights group who calculated that she owed me over $700. Thankfully, they had a legal team who dealt with her on my behalf for no fee.

Meanwhile, I discovered she hadn’t been taking tax or insurance out of my pay so I wasn’t entitled to job seeker’s allowance. I was flat broke. I had to borrow $600 from a friend to pay my rent.

After much back and forth, I settled with the designer for less than I should have and by the time all the back tax was taken out, I think I actually only got $127.

I got my $127 a week before I had to leave to Toronto and move to Nova Scotia as I couldn’t find any work. In short, my dealings with that woman changed my whole life at the time quite dramatically.

Cut to a couple of weeks ago and I get an email from someone who is now doing the PR for this designer. They inform me that she is apparently in a competition being held by a major Canadian fashion magazine and they’d love for me to feature her on my blog. I laughed. A lot. Then I sent the following email:

Dear ——

I used to work with —– —— so am well aware of her and her work. I have no interest in either and will not be featuring her on my blog. I’m sure if you ask Ms —– about me, she would rather I didn’t feature her either.

Word to the wise, you might want to make sure you get paid before you do any more promotion for her.

Regards,

Bangs

Karma, my friends, is a bitch. Be careful how you treat people when they’re on the come up because some things, will almost certainly, come to bite you in the ass.

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

You know I love you, right? I do, I love you long time. And what better way for me to show that love than with a giveaway? (Well, aside from all those virtual booty gropes I give you all day long).

So, to celebrate the fabulousness of you and show you how much I appreciate your continued support of my bloggery, the lovely people at Paul Mitchell have given me some stuff to give you sexy people.

I have 3 sets of the following to give away:

- 500ml I ? Awapuhl Shampoo and Conditioner

- Limited Edition Freeze and Shine Spray

- Limited Edition Fast Drying Sculpting Spray

- I ? Paul Mitchell shopper

Pretty amazeballs, right?

Paul Mitchell are currently celebrating their 30th birthday. To find out more go to www.paul-mitchell1980.co.uk

Three of you lucky devils are in with a chance of getting one of these packs. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment telling me when your hair is at it’s best: it could be a haircut you’ve had or a style you like to wear your hair in. If you leave a comment on my Facebook page, you get entered again. Simples!

Entries close at 5.30pm UK time on Wednesday (July 14th) and I’ll announce the winners on Thursday.

It’s open to everyone, so get commenting!

**** NOW CLOSED ****

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Fellow fabulous blogger, Big Fashionista is for tattoos and I am against. Today, we debate. Check out her blog for her take on it.

There’s been a definite rise in the popularity of tattoos over the past few years. There’s the Suicide Girls (sexy chicks, posing half naked, showing off their bad ass tatts), shows like Miami Ink, LA Ink, London Ink, Peckham Ink (I made up the last one, but let’s face it, it won’t be long). People are pretty quick to show off their tattoos and sit you down for lengthly discussions about their meanings. I don’t necessarily object to tattoos per say, I just object to bad ones.

Little known Bangs fact: I actually have a tattoo. Yeah, that’s right. Check this bad boy out:

Yeah, you didn’t think I was that bad ass did you? (Excuse the attire – I was rushing out the door to boxing class, which in itself, proves that I am in fact, pretty bad ass).

I got that when I was 17. It means ‘love’ in Japanese. It is the corniest of corny tattoos. I agonised over what to get for months. Talked it through with my parents (who are obviously very liberal). I initially wanted to go with a sign of where I’m from, so was going to have half a shamrock and half a maple leaf (Ireland and Canada) – oh the horror. As I’d always been fairly obsessed with Japanese culture, I somehow settled on this.

Now, 12 years on, do I hate it? No. But I am super glad I have it in a place that is covered most of the time. If I ever get pregnant, it’ll just be a bunch of nonsensical random lines on my stomach. I don’t particularly want to go through the pain or expense of getting it removed, so it remains, as a sign of my youth. I made great decisions as a youngster – I didn’t drink, do drugs, have underage sex – but the tattoo? My one error in judgement.

As errors in judgement go, at least I had the sense to keep mine small and discreet. Other people clearly don’t think their body art through. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who are tatted to the rafters and I think they look great. It’s part of who they are, they have put a lot of thought into what they get, it’s who they are and it’s a lifestyle choice. But then there are the women who get them on their upper arms, which is awful. I don’t care what you have there, you look like you’re ready to fight at all times. It gives off a horrible impression. Most times it tends to be something terribly tacky like a heart (bitch please!), a devil, their star sign – yawn, yawn, yawn. Come on! Or a tramp stamp, which it synonymous with tackiness.

Worse is someone’s name. If you have someone’s name tatted on you, you’re an idiot. A partner’s? That’ll look great when you break up. Your kids? Why? You can’t remember their names? If you want something to show how much they mean to you, walk on hot coals and take a picture. Your own name? Why in the frik would you get your own name tattooed on yourself? That is the height of douchebaggery.

Overall, there are very few people who can pull off tattoos. I say, if you’re gonna do it, go big or go home. None of this devil on your shoulder crap. I’ve never seen an old person look good with tatts and that’s what I always think when I see these young chicks tatted up – what happens when you have to wear a ball gown to a formal event and you have ‘Mike’s 4Eva’ inked across your shoulder blades. Hmm, classy. Think it through!

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

The Music to Melt To Mixtape by bangsandabun

All week I’ve been hearing about people in two of my former places of residence, New York and Toronto, melting in the blistering heat. One day this week in Toronto it was apparently 40 degrees celsius. That’s enough to melt your face off right there. So I thought I’d make a mixtape for all my North Americans currently sweltering in those ‘hotter than the devil’s anus’ conditions.

Sweat it out people. You’ll make it through this. Now, let’s dance!

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Dear Bangs,

I’m getting married and I now face the inevitable dilemma of who to invite. Or, more accurately, who can I NOT invite?

There are a couple of friends whom I would rather not have there, not because they’re not great people but because they’re just not in my close circle, they don’t know anyone within my close circle, and I just can’t relax around them for too long. I think they count me as a close friend, but we hardly ever see each other. One of them got married a year ago and invited my fiance and I to the wedding – they also generously put us up in one of their comp hotel rooms! So how do I go about not inviting them, without hurting their feelings? I can’t tell them it’s “family only” as I will be inviting my (much closer) friends.

My fiance says I should just invite them to avoid feeling guilty, but I don’t want to invite people out of obligation – and it starts getting expensive then anyway. However I also don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings. No one wants to be a bitchy bride. Help!

Bride To Be

————————–

Dear Bride to Be,

Well that’s quite the catch vingt-deux you’ve got going on there. Firstly, congrats on the wedding n’ all. Secondly, brace yourself, ’cause the advice you’re about to get is from a die hard singleton.

Here’s the thing with weddings – they’re big, they’re costly and someone, somewhere down the line is gonna have to do some shit they don’t wanna do (do you think your bridesmaids are thrilled about having to wear strapless  gowns that have full skirts with netting? ‘Cause I’m telling you right now, they ain’t).

I used to be a travel agent (which I kinda sucked at, because on average, I want to sucker punch 1 in 3 people I come across in daily life, so am not really cut out for a customer service role) and my worst kind of clients were the ones booking destination weddings. For a kick off, I don’t think there’s anything tackier than a destination wedding, ever. And I also thought it was a damn cheek to book a holiday, which you essentially expect other people to pay for, then invite people – it’s basically like saying ‘would you like to come to my wedding? Yes? Great, here’s a bill for £1000!’ I thought these people were assholes. Then I realised the genius of it. Some people were booking destination weddings to price people out of actually attending. Have it somewhere exotic and most people can’t afford to go. Perfect! You’ve done your bit by inviting them, all that’s left for you to do is act woeful when they say they can’t make it (then switch to your Dr Evil laugh behind closed doors).

However, I’m assuming you haven’t gone down the destination wedding route so really, that little anecdote was completely pointless.

Lemme tell it like it is Bride to Be – you have no choice but to invite these people. You know why? Because you went to their wedding! That in itself doesn’t guarantee them getting an invite to yours, but you put the nail in your own coffin when you happily stayed in one of their comp hotel rooms. If you’re not all that close, why did you go to their wedding? Admit it, you couldn’t resist the hotel room and a bit of free food. No one’s mad at you for that – it’s the only reason I go to most formal events. But you can’t, after having accepted their hospitality (i.e run up their wedding bill), then suddenly decide that you’re not really all that close and you don’t want to invite them.

In short, that is terrible etiquette and really kinda rude.

Better get those invites in the mail – pronto.

Smooches,

Bangs

If you have a problem and need a little tell-it-like-it-is advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Our generation are some lazy mofos. Try asking a guy between the ages of 20 and 30 what he does for a living these days and then pull up a chair – the responses take a while. No one has a regular job anymore. Why can’t people just be accountants or police men? I’ll tell you why – because MTV has made everyone believe they can be the next Sweet Sixteen, Cribs, P Diddy-lifestyle-having douchebag. Well, enough is enough!

I’ve lost count of the number of rappers, producers, promoters, entrepreneurs, band managers, blah blah blah I’ve met. Funny how all of those things seem to involve people doing absolutely nothing, but talking a whole lot of crap. What ever happened to having a work ethic? Going to university? Studying, working hard (sometimes at things you have no desire to do whatsoever – the horror!), having a goal that fell somewhere in the realm of being remotely realistic? It seems like everyone wants to live like a rock star, has no idea how to attain that lifestyle, doesn’t want to do any work to find out, but will continue to spout an endless stream of shite about how that’s what they’re aiming for.

We have channels like MTV to thank for it. There’s a whole generation who’ve been raised on shows about people of considerable means, flaunting their lavish lives. We don’t see any of the work that went into them being able to afford what they have, but it’s essential that we see their five cars, diamond encrusted toilets and of course, their bedrooms ‘where the magic happens’. Or we glorify ridiculously spoiled kids with shows like ‘Super Sweet Sixteen’ instilling the believe that being a entitled bratty twat is super attractive.

And for those guys who believe they’re too old and sophisticated to watch MTV, don’t worry – they’re sitting around watching Entourage thinking that’s what they’re life will be like one day. All they need is one talentless friend, one with a decent Blackberry plan and two hangers on and they’ll hit the big time. They’ll be playing golf with crazy agents, getting more ass than Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton combined and every now and then the ‘talent’ will shoot a few scenes in a crappy movie. Yup, that’s gonna happen fellas. Keep living the dream.

What’s wrong with being ordinary? Not everyone was destined to be a multiplatinum selling recording artist. The world needs doctors and teachers and salesmen too. There’s only room for one Lil Wayne (praise be to Buddah). The people who are really cut out to reach those dizzying heights of fame and success are few and far between (we’re still not sure how Justin Beiber slipped through the cracks). So stay in your lane, with healthy ambition and goals and drive, but try to ensure your feet stay on the ground and your head out of the clouds while you do it. Because seriously, the next guy who tells me he’s a producer/promoter/entrepreneur can expect to be throat punched.

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Now that the dust has settled on the Tiger Woods saga (and as dust goes, it was quite the sand storm), talk has turned to the divorce settlement. Obviously, when you marry the richest athlete alive, it goes without saying that you’ll be in for a bit of a windfall, but recent reports have stated that Tiger’s soon-to-be-ex wife, Elin, could stand to get $750 million. How are these numbers decided upon and are they fair?

After the initial figure of $750 million was released, it emerged a few days later that it would actually be more like $100 million. Poor Elin – how on earth is she expected to keep her head above water on a mere hundred mil?! But be it $750 or just $100, when you’re talking millions, these are numbers that most of us will never have to get our heads around. I find it hard to relate to most people who don’t have the ‘rent or food’ dilemma to contend with at the end of the month.

As such, it’s hard to have sympathy for either party. There’ll be enough money for Elin to buy all the shoes she wants and Tiger will still have enough left over to get a stable of hoes (I think the plural of ‘ho’ has an ‘es’, but one can never be sure).

Tiger’s kids are surely used to the best and just because he decided to make some epically bad decisions, doesn’t mean that they should have to settle for less. I can understand keeping them in the life they’re accustomed to. And even Elin – I’m sure she came into this thinking her life would be a certain way til the end of days. From what we know, it was Tiger’s various indiscretions that threw a spanner in the works, so he should have to compensate her for that.

However, that being said, I don’t know what Elin does for a living, but like most women after a divorce, I think it’s advisable that she get up, get out and do something. She seems like a relatively together woman – I’m sure she can go out to work. She shouldn’t be sitting back waiting for a bunch of Tiger money to cushion her future existence. And if I were her, I think I’d be somewhat uncomfortable with that. How do you move on if you know your whole life is essentially funded by your scuzzbucket ex?

But what I do think is a major consideration here is the level of humiliation Elin went through. This wasn’t just any regular cheating scandal. It just kept unfolding, in a very public forum. With the recent revelation that Tiger possible has some other kids floating around as a result of his wandering dick syndrome, it seems to just continue. Elin seems like a very private person and it must be beyond mortifying to have these sort of details poured over by the press. For that alone, she deserves a huge chunk of change.

Reports have said Tiger’s willing to throw whatever money at the situation as long as Elin agrees to never speak to any media outlets. I’m sure she’s hardly in a rush to pour her heart out to Oprah about how humiliating it was to find out your husband was screwing 5000 $2 skanks.

Tiger is living proof that money can’t buy you sense.

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

The Recovery Mixtape by bangsandabun

After some douchenozzle rear ended my blog sister Smarty Jones last week and a complete A-hole knocked my real life sibling, Brother Bangs (AKA Our Kid) off his bike recently, I figured it was only right for me to make a recovery mixtape to help the afflicted get out of their pain killer-stupores and back on their feet.

So I put together this little mix of songs that are either uplifting in some way or encourage you to get off your ass. If you’re recovering from injury, illness or just need a little extra push to get you motivated, this is the tape for you.

All these tracks are gems to me but particular faves are Through The Wire by Kanye West. This is before he went full-douche and was actually good. Recorded right after his near-fatal car accident, while his jaw was still wired shut, you can hear the pain in his voice as he raps – I actually find it pretty emotional to listen to. If this doesn’t get you motivated, there’s no hope for you. Another favourite for me is Battle by Wookie. Anyone who was lucky enough to be around when garage was big in the UK will know and love this song. The lyrics are spot on and Lain’s voice is sublime.

Enjoy!

(Anyone who guesses what movie that screen shot above is from will get maximum respect and some booty gropes from me)

———————————-

NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!