Dear Bangs

There’s no denying that you are the queen of straight up advice.  If you are able to offer any words of wisdom for my predicament, I would be most grateful.

One of the girls I went to high school has recently decided she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore.  I’m not sure of the exact reason, because she cut me off without so much as a phonecall or a coffee to discuss what her issue is with me.

Now while she doesn’t have the balls to talk things through with me face to face, she seems content to tell every single other person who has ever walked the Earth what’s going on.  In fact, she recently sent an email to (at least) 10 of our mutual friends describing in great detail why she doesn’t want to be friends with me.  I haven’t read it, but have had more than one friend as describing it as being “essay length”.

I should add some further clarity to this matter and say that she decided “I can no longer be in her life” over 5 months ago.  The email was sent in the past month.

I flip-flop between a couple of emotions. If I’m perfectly honest I’m still mourning the loss of a friendship.  On the other hand, I want to sucker punch the girl, as she seems content to do whatever she can to make my life a living hell and drag this situation out (case in point, her recent email).  We are in our late-20′s, but she seems to have forgotten we left high school.

Unfortuantely, I can’t simply cut this bitch out of my life due to our mutual friendships.  This means I’m forced to see her on every birthday, baby shower, christening, BBQ and dinner party.  At said events she likes to do whatever she can to make me (and everyone around us) uncomfortable.  If we are at dinner and I make a comment she goes out of her way to ignore me, roll her eyes or some other action which justifies her overall feeling of superiority over her.

Other than bitch-slapping this woman what do I do?  Do I play her game?  I need some coping strategies because at the moment I honestly dread the thought of attending an event when I know she’s attending.

Cheers

Trying to cope with the Frenemy from hell

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Dear Trying to Cope with the Frenemy From Hell,

Well first off, that bitch needs to grow the f*ck up. What kind of lame nonsense is that? Seriously!

I don’t know your background with this chick, but honestly, by the sounds of things, she ain’t that great a friend. I understand where you’re coming from when you say you’re mourning a friendship. I had a good friend of mine stop talking to me out of the blue last year with no explanation. It hurts. But, while he hasn’t told me what the issue is (and I’m sure I must have done something to piss him off, though for the life of me, can’t figure out what it is), he has not sent essay length emails to people slagging me off either.

Given the fact that you share mutual friends, her actions here are deplorable and beyond juvenile. This is life, not some popularity contest where you try to get to all the friends first to get them on  your side. What utter bollocks.

So what can you do? Well, you said ‘aside from bitch slapping’ in your letter, so without that, I’m fresh out of ideas. I kid, I kid. My advice would be, kill her with kindness. Don’t make any attempts to contact her – she’s clearly craving a big showdown, which she will no doubt use to further convince your friends that you suck. On occasions you do see her, be pleasant, but don’t suck up. Don’t confront her, don’t respond to her eye rolls and off hand comments – the more you just rise above it and be unaffected, the more she digs her own grave. The more you don’t react, the more your friends will conclude that Miss Bitch 2010 is kinda making a mountain out of a mole hill and crying for attention.

Don’t give the bitch the satisfaction of letting it get to you. I realise all of that is much easier said than done, but in the long run, it’ll work.

If all that fails, just bitch slap the crap out of her.

Smooches

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email bangs@bangsandabun.com

Dear Bangs,

I’m an independent, single mother who hates to ask for help from anyone. Because of this, I had a tendency to date guys that didn’t  have a pot to piss in. I felt better if I was the breadwinner because I didn’t want to have the feeling of owing anybody anything.  This outlook basically made the guys wither up and die on my couch. I got rid of them one by one because they never showed any motivation to do anything with their lives. I decided to focus on finding an equally contributing partner, where we’d both pull our weight.

I married a man that seemed to be the complete opposite of all these guys. He seemed to have his life together and told me he was ready to settle and begin building a future. He travels with his job and is gone about a week at a time. Everything was great between us until after marriage. Now he is worse than all the ones I dated before. He still works, but I have to practically pull his share of the bills from him and sometimes he doesn’t let go. When he gets back into town, he doesn’t come home until 4 or 5 in the morning. I find condoms and loose Viagra pills in his pockets. I used his phone to make a call one day and he had 12 different girls texting him sexy messages. He had Voicemails of girls crying and pleading with him to respond and how they would do anything to be with him. We didn’t live together before marriage so none of this was evident to me, otherwise it would never have happened.

I am not asking how to change him. I’m straight-up divorcing his ass. I used to think the guys were the losers, but I’m starting to think it’s me because I am the only thing that is the same in all these relationships. What do I need to change about myself to stop allowing these men into my life?  Am I too confident or secretely insecure? I’ll be 30 soon, so would really like to understand what is going on with me that causes this incompatible attraction. I’m not a woman that gets so wrapped up in a guy that I can’t function when he hurts me. I feel the pain, but I don’t see the point in trying to patch things over just for him to do it again. I let him go and move on. How do I improve myself to attract a new and improved partner? Thanks for any advise you may have. I appreciate your straight to the point, no BS approach to helping people get back to reality.

Sincerely,

S.M.G

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Dear S.M.G,

If ever there was an email that could’ve been written by me, this would be it. Well, aside from the marriage and kid thing – but I totally hear you on the dating of douchenozzles front.

I have been there many times over. Why do we get involved with them? Well, speaking for myself, as much as I love my singledom, the truth is, sometimes I just want some company. Up to this point in my life, since I haven’t been too sure what I want on the relationship front, I haven’t really laid out my specifics when I got involved with someone. So, I meet a guy, he seems alright, we get involved and as time goes on, his douchy ways inevitably reveal themselves, but oftentimes, I’d overlook it because I was never really trying to get to serious anyway, right? Then not too long after that, I’ve had enough, the relationship’s done and I’m back at square one.

My advice? You’ve taken the right step already in acknowledging that you are the common denominator in the situation. These guys and these relationships wouldn’t be happening if we didn’t let them. I too, am at the phase where I’m trying to figure myself out and what’s going on with me for me to have consistently have been in bad relationships. I can tell you outright not to do what I’m doing, which is basically hiding because I’m petrified of getting involved with anyone again only for the same thing to happen. Don’t do that! All I can continue to do right now is work on me til I feel the time is right. That’s what I’d advise you too.

Simple steps would be to make sure you’re punching your weight when you meet someone. You sound like you have your shit together, so clearly, if you’re meeting someone who’s on the dole or has a thousand hair-brained ideas that never come to fruition, well, you’ve been there, done that and you know you simply shouldn’t entertain it. When you feel like you have a guy who’s on the right track, talk! Talk through your plans, goals, aspirations and ideas, make sure you’re on the same page and want to move in that direction together. If he’s not willing to entertain that discussion, then he’s not the one.

Trying to find the right fit is tiring and frustrating and sometimes, along the way, we’ll settle, just to have some company and affection in the meantime. But I think if you’re honest with yourself, as I have been, you knew early on in your relationships that something wasn’t right and you ignored it hoping it would get better. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Your gut never lies to you.

So, looks like we’re in this together my friend – hang tight, don’t rush, work on you. I have faith that when the time’s right, a guy will tune in to my frequency and blow my mind with his awesomeness. I have a feeling one will for you too.

Smooches,

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email bangs@bangsandabun.com

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I’m shortlisted for a Cosmo Blog Award in the Sex & Relationships category – voting closes at the end of August. Please vote for me! Thank you!

My hairdresser is becoming increasingly distressed about the fact that I’m single. He cannot fathom why. Unfortunately, as he’s been married 20 years or so and has a small army of children, he’s not an option – which is unfortunate, because his love of my hair alone is enough to make me interested. Last week, as he faffed with my hair (which is really all that happens during our appointments, as he only cuts a millimetre off), he tried to hash out some theories as to why I continue dine alone.

He came up with the ol’ chestnut that men must be intimidated by me. I’ve had people say this to me before, but I’ve never really understood what they mean. ‘Well, you’re a total package,’ he says. ‘You’re beautiful, intelligent, good job, keep yourself together – men might find all of that intimidating.’ (I should probably add here that I’m well aware that I pay him for a haircut and an ego boost). ‘If you were beautiful, but a bit dumb, that’s not as intimidating for men as they still feel like they still have one up on you. But, you’re got it all going on, so they really feel like they have to be on top of their game all the time.’

Le sigh. I didn’t necessarily take that to mean I should dumb it down to find a man (and I surely won’t be doing that), but it definitely got me thinking. I think my hairdresser might be right to a certain degree. I brought this up on Twitter over the weekend and it sparked quite the debate. Of course, all the men said no, that’s not true, they want someone who can challenge them intellectually, someone they can talk to. But then a couple said most men prefer dumb, pretty girls, one said ‘we say we can handle it, but the truth of the matter is we feel intimidated’ and one said ‘real men aren’t afraid of women with intelligence, but on the flip side, no one likes a know it all.’ So we should be clever, but not too clever?

I just don’t get it. Men supposedly want attractive women, who have their shit together, can hold a conversation and all that good stuff, yet a crap load of us are still single. And they complain that ‘a good woman is hard to find.’ What do you want? My address? I’m right here, you idiots! The same goes for us ladies, we complain about how hard it is to find a good fella. Legend has it, they do exist. I’m yet to meet one myself, but supposedly, they are out there.

In a bar a few weeks ago, a guy came up to me and started a conversation. He asked what I do. ‘I’m a writer, for magazines,’ I tell him. He looked at me for a moment and said ‘you’re a bit brainy, aren’t you?’ I had no idea how to respond to that. Cue awkward silence. I asked him what he did and he installed underfloor heating. I don’t know the first thing about that, just like apparently, he doesn’t know the first thing about stringing a sentence together on a piece of paper, but he made it pretty clear he was put off by it.

Personally, I think the reason I’m single is because a) I kinda like it b) I’m not really bothered and c) I’m not putting myself out there like that. Well, that and apparently a lot of guys find me incredibly off putting. But screw your ego, I’m not losing a few brain cells to get a date.

Dear Bangs,

The Played and Disheartened

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Dear Played and Disheartened,

We’ve all been with this guy. Not literally this guy, but actually, from the sounds of things…

This guy sounds like Douchus Maximus, Lord of the Douch, King Pharaoh Douch, if you will.

So, let’s dig in to the fundamentals: he’s your classic Alpha Male. Satisfaction and reassurance for him comes from the quantity of girls he can get. He’s the very definition of an attention whore. You meanwhile, I think it’s safe to say, are slightly on the insecure side. Deep down, you most likely want this guy to get rid of all the other chicks and just be with you. It’s alright, don’t worry – we’ve all been that girl with that pipe dream. Well here comes your tough love bitch slap, you ready?

IT’S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!

I know you know that. You’ve quit him before. So to answer your question ‘what gives him the right to treat me this way?’ – YOU DO! He wouldn’t do it if you didn’t let him. I know exactly what you’re doing: you’re creating little boundaries and rules for yourself that you think will protect your heart and help you maintain some sort of aloof distance (I won’t return his call tonight, I’ll only text him at this time, I’ll only meet him if he calls me by this day), but in the end you forget all of them when he shows you a scrap of attention, because a scrap is all you can get.

And it’s not even anything to do with you. I have no doubt that you are awesome. How do I know this? Because I am awesome and have fallen for the same kind of dude (sadly, a fair few times) before. What do you do to protect your heart and get out of the situation? Cut him off – plain and simple. It’s really up to you.

How much longer are you going to let him embarrass you like this? How many more ways does he need to show you he’s not that into you? Take charge! Focus on you! Treat yourself a little better. You get back what you put out there. If you’re putting it out there that you like to be walked all over, some guy will no doubt come along with a big old shoe.

Smooches

Bangs

xoxo

If you’re in need of some no nonsense advice, email bangs@bangsandabun.com

A couple of weeks ago, I did a post on How to be A Lady, which caused more than a few people to blow a gasket. ‘Twas a teeny bit controversial. Many people asked why I didn’t do a set of rules for men. Well, you ask, you get – that’s just how much I love my readers. You wanna make out now or later?

Fellas, realistically, I know you didn’t think I was going to let you off the hook. For many of you, your gentlemanly ways and just good old manners have fallen by the wayside and it’s time for you to check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.

The Handshake

When on earth did sweaty-palmed limp handshakes become the ‘in’ thing? Shake my hand with purpose. Like a MAN. Take charge. Assert your alpha maleness. I want you to leave my knuckles barely intact. They should surely teach you this in ‘how to be a man’ school.

Get Your Metrosexuality Under Control

It’s good that you want to take care of yourself, but if you’re spending more time primping yourself in the bathroom than I do, we have a problem. Shower, shave and if you have a hairy back, wax it – other than that, what the hell else have you got to do?

Give Chivalry Some Mouth to Mouth and Bring it Back to Life ASAP

You should be ashamed of yourselves how you’ve just completely given up on basic manners and respect. I’ve heard every excuse in the book as to why you don’t make an effort anymore and frankly, it’s pathetic. Are you seriously not going to give your seat up to a woman or elderly person on the bus? You better stand your ass up! Hold doors open, offer to carry something that we’re clearly struggling with – these are no-brainers. And I really don’t want to hear you say women don’t appreciate it. I don’t know a woman alive who doesn’t appreciate a chivalrous man and if there are women who would curse you out for holding a door open, well, they’re idiots, plain and simple.

If You Say You’re Going to do Something, Do It

So many of your problems with women could be avoided if you just showed a little common courtesy and did what you said you were going to do. Saying you’re going to call us? Just do it. Saying you’re going to meet us at a certain time and can’t? How about a phone call to let us know. I think you’ll find that we respond much better when you just act right.

Stop Lying

You all lie about the most inconsequential bullshit that doesn’t even warrant being lied about in the first place. Stop it. It’s really very tiresome. It breeds contempt and mistrust. Then when the proverbial you know what hits the fan, you have the nerve to call us crazy? No dice.

And While We’re Talking About Crazy…

Stop bandying that word around. We’re not. A lot of how we act is reactive. You have no clue what it’s like to be a woman and have to try to keep the emotional rollercoaster we deal with on a daily basis on an even keel, just like we have no idea what it’s like to have a raging boner. A little understanding of where we’re coming from goes a long way.

Defend Women

Casual sexism has become so common that many of you don’t even bat an eyelid when your brethren speak negatively about us, berate us, degrade us and show us utter contempt. Anyone would think you don’t have mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers the way you just allow it to happen. Any time you feel like growing a set and calling one of your friends out on this nonsense, womankind would appreciate it.

There are more, but this is in danger of becoming a seminar I have to sell tickets to. So ladies, what else would you like to see the fellas make more of an effort with? Fellas, what say ye? What’s your defense?

Dear Bangs,

Men don’t find me attractive.

What do I do?

Yours Sincerely,

Clearly A Minger

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Dear Clearly A Minger,

Come here. Come on…nestle yourself in my bosom for a second and let me give you a hug. *strokes your hair* OK, now stand back for a second so I can bitch slap you. It’ll sting for a moment, but it’s for your own good.

OK, now listen here, we’ll have none of this talk, you hear me?! I have no idea what you look like but I highly, highly doubt you are a minger. And if you think you are, well then, let me consult page 1 of my ‘Psychoanalysis For Beginners’ handbook and tell you, we’ve located 99% of the problem right there.

I wrote about my personal struggle with my looks recently and was overwhelmed at the reactions of people sharing similar stories. In my youth, I always considered myself the ugly one – no fellas ever glanced in my direction. Gradually over time, as I became more comfortable with my features and God forbid, actually started to like them, I noticed a shift. It’s a simple equation, once I liked myself more, other people liked me more.

I’m by no means suggesting that the struggle for personal acceptance, especially when it comes to looks, is easy. I know first hand how hard it is. But that is where you must start. In order for men to find you attractive, you must first look at yourself that way. I know you don’t – you described yourself as a ‘minger’.

So what can you do? Find a full length mirror, strip down to your undies and look at yourself. Really look at yourself. Now, how about this time, instead of pointing out all your flaws, you focus in on the things you like. Even if right now you only like your pinky toe, you better heap praise on that pinky toe like it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen! Go on, no one’s watching, it’s just you and the mirror. Try to find at least five things you like about you, looks and personality wise.

Next you should pamper yourself, spoil yourself, treat yourself. Forgive yourself for ever thinking you were less than. You and yourself have some making up to do. Make a playlist of your favourite songs, put on your favourite outfit and go out and strut. This is Operation Feel Good. You need to spend some time getting good with you. Once people see you have confidence in yourself, they’ll have confidence in you.

I’m not dating right now and there are days when I feel no one of the opposite sex has even noticed my existence, but not for one second will I allow myself to think no one finds me attractive. When the right guy finally finds me, I’ll be glad all those others were blind!

Hang in there – it only gets better.

Smooches

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email The Bitch Please Advice Column at bangsandabun@gmail.com

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Well hey there good lookin’! I’m a 29 year old lawyer, high powered business woman, international spy, blogger and I’m looking for a lil sugar daddy action.

I’m not sure how these things work, but here’s what I envision: basically, you’ll buy me stuff. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for female empowerment and sisters doing it for themselves, but quite frankly, this sister is tired and needs a little help. I have a lot of things I’d like to do over the next few months, things I’d like to buy, places I’d like to go etc and I’m slogging my guts out, but the reality is, none of those things are gonna happen on my salary, so that’s where you come in.

You’d be kind of like my supplementary income, if you will. But, that part’s straight forward enough. I’m sure you’re probably wondering what you’ll get out of the deal.

Well, I’m obviously younger than you and quite frankly, I’m pretty smokin’, so have me on your arm at all those company functions/balls/corporate events etc, and people will admire and respect you for the pervert you are. You’ll get to enjoy the pleasure of my company and as company goes, I’m pretty darn fascinating (and not in the slightest bit conceited or egocentric). I’ll let you come round to my apartment every now and then (that you’re paying for), to drop things off (that you’ve bought for me).

Now I’m sure you’re eager for something a little more sexual, but I was hoping we could get away without the sex (unless you look like George Clooney, in which case, I’m willing to negotiate). I’d be willing to indulge in the occasional cuddle, perhaps some hand holding and if you have some weird foot fetish thing which involves you buying me shoes and admiring me in them, then we can definitely talk, but other than that, I will most likely shut down any sort of sexual advance you make towards me with a swift kick in the balls (and if you’re the kind of guy that enjoys that, then I’m gonna need you to move on to the next ad).

You might see pictures of me online, like the one to the left and despite what you may think, I’m not into S&M. If you are, Merry Christmas, but please take your chains and whips elsewhere. All this needs to be is a simple exchange of your money, for my thrilling company. I’d be willing to give you, oh, say, one day a month? I’d make myself available for any additional dinners etc, but naturally, I’d expect you to cover my expenses.

See, this could really be a great deal for the both of us. Think of all those expensive holidays you can send me on (you’re not invited on those, by the way. What if I meet a guy and you’re there? Awkward!), the nice dresses you can buy me, the debt you can get me out of and not to mention the shoes – oh, the shoes. And you get…to hang out with me. Hello! Win-win!

So, if you think you’re up for being my Sugar Daddy, apply within. I’m sure I’ll be absolutely inundated with emails, so I may be holding American Idol-style auditions to decide on the final ‘Daddy’.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Dear Bangs,

My brother has this girlfriend that was ok to start with, but the longer they’ve been together the more I can see she’s a user. He does absolutely everything for her, which would be fine if she was a nice girl, but she isn’t. She does nothing to recipricate his actions and just takes, takes, takes.

It would be fine if that was it, i’d leave them to it, but he keeps inviting her out when we go out, telling me I should take her to places when I go on nights out with my friends, even to the point of suggesting I buy her stuff when I go shopping and he’ll reimburse me!!! (I’ve done none of these things I hasten to add)

My brother and I are pretty close so i’ve bitten my tongue so far, but I’m close to errupting!!

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Pissed Off Sister

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Dear Pissed Off Sister,

According to data gathered by myself, it is a statistical fact that sisters are right 99.7% of the time. That same data also suggests that brothers don’t know what they’re doing 62.8% of the time, make bad choices 47.9% of the time and are straight up idiots when it comes to girls 74.3% of the time. I have been told that this data is not wholly reliable, but it was my brother who said that and as we can see by the stats, that instantly vetoes his point of view.

Anyway, back to you. What can you do in this situation? Unfortunately, pretty much nothing. As much as it sounds like your brother is getting rolled over by a tractor trailer, covered in a steam roller, buried under a fork lift truck, it is his decision. If he’s not complaining, don’t go in there, guns blazing, talking about your beef. Nobody cares and that’s a soap opera waiting to happen.

As far as you taking her places when you’re out with friends, if you’re uncomfortable around her, don’t bother. You should make an effort to be pleasant , just for manners sake, but she ain’t your sister-in-law so it’s really not that serious. As for your bro suggesting you should buy her things, I should come round there and bitch slap him myself for that one. How about hell-to-the-no? It’s all well and good if your brother wants to treat her every now and then, but he needs to get a grip if he’s funding this girl’s entire existence without batting an eyelid.

If things come to a head, I suggest calmly explaining to your bruv that his girlfriend is just not your type of person and you don’t particularly like the way she treats him, as such, you’d rather not spend a lot of time with her. Explain that you’ll be pleasant, but you don’t plan on going above and beyond. That’s all you can do. Don’t harp on the subject, but you should definitely mention it. Sounds like your bro is wearing rose tinted glasses and doesn’t really get that he’s being rinsed dry.

Sadly, he’s gonna have to learn the hard way and come to that conclusion himself.

Smooches,

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Dear Bangs,

I’m getting married and I now face the inevitable dilemma of who to invite. Or, more accurately, who can I NOT invite?

There are a couple of friends whom I would rather not have there, not because they’re not great people but because they’re just not in my close circle, they don’t know anyone within my close circle, and I just can’t relax around them for too long. I think they count me as a close friend, but we hardly ever see each other. One of them got married a year ago and invited my fiance and I to the wedding – they also generously put us up in one of their comp hotel rooms! So how do I go about not inviting them, without hurting their feelings? I can’t tell them it’s “family only” as I will be inviting my (much closer) friends.

My fiance says I should just invite them to avoid feeling guilty, but I don’t want to invite people out of obligation – and it starts getting expensive then anyway. However I also don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings. No one wants to be a bitchy bride. Help!

Bride To Be

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Dear Bride to Be,

Well that’s quite the catch vingt-deux you’ve got going on there. Firstly, congrats on the wedding n’ all. Secondly, brace yourself, ’cause the advice you’re about to get is from a die hard singleton.

Here’s the thing with weddings – they’re big, they’re costly and someone, somewhere down the line is gonna have to do some shit they don’t wanna do (do you think your bridesmaids are thrilled about having to wear strapless  gowns that have full skirts with netting? ‘Cause I’m telling you right now, they ain’t).

I used to be a travel agent (which I kinda sucked at, because on average, I want to sucker punch 1 in 3 people I come across in daily life, so am not really cut out for a customer service role) and my worst kind of clients were the ones booking destination weddings. For a kick off, I don’t think there’s anything tackier than a destination wedding, ever. And I also thought it was a damn cheek to book a holiday, which you essentially expect other people to pay for, then invite people – it’s basically like saying ‘would you like to come to my wedding? Yes? Great, here’s a bill for £1000!’ I thought these people were assholes. Then I realised the genius of it. Some people were booking destination weddings to price people out of actually attending. Have it somewhere exotic and most people can’t afford to go. Perfect! You’ve done your bit by inviting them, all that’s left for you to do is act woeful when they say they can’t make it (then switch to your Dr Evil laugh behind closed doors).

However, I’m assuming you haven’t gone down the destination wedding route so really, that little anecdote was completely pointless.

Lemme tell it like it is Bride to Be – you have no choice but to invite these people. You know why? Because you went to their wedding! That in itself doesn’t guarantee them getting an invite to yours, but you put the nail in your own coffin when you happily stayed in one of their comp hotel rooms. If you’re not all that close, why did you go to their wedding? Admit it, you couldn’t resist the hotel room and a bit of free food. No one’s mad at you for that – it’s the only reason I go to most formal events. But you can’t, after having accepted their hospitality (i.e run up their wedding bill), then suddenly decide that you’re not really all that close and you don’t want to invite them.

In short, that is terrible etiquette and really kinda rude.

Better get those invites in the mail – pronto.

Smooches,

Bangs

If you have a problem and need a little tell-it-like-it-is advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Now that the dust has settled on the Tiger Woods saga (and as dust goes, it was quite the sand storm), talk has turned to the divorce settlement. Obviously, when you marry the richest athlete alive, it goes without saying that you’ll be in for a bit of a windfall, but recent reports have stated that Tiger’s soon-to-be-ex wife, Elin, could stand to get $750 million. How are these numbers decided upon and are they fair?

After the initial figure of $750 million was released, it emerged a few days later that it would actually be more like $100 million. Poor Elin – how on earth is she expected to keep her head above water on a mere hundred mil?! But be it $750 or just $100, when you’re talking millions, these are numbers that most of us will never have to get our heads around. I find it hard to relate to most people who don’t have the ‘rent or food’ dilemma to contend with at the end of the month.

As such, it’s hard to have sympathy for either party. There’ll be enough money for Elin to buy all the shoes she wants and Tiger will still have enough left over to get a stable of hoes (I think the plural of ‘ho’ has an ‘es’, but one can never be sure).

Tiger’s kids are surely used to the best and just because he decided to make some epically bad decisions, doesn’t mean that they should have to settle for less. I can understand keeping them in the life they’re accustomed to. And even Elin – I’m sure she came into this thinking her life would be a certain way til the end of days. From what we know, it was Tiger’s various indiscretions that threw a spanner in the works, so he should have to compensate her for that.

However, that being said, I don’t know what Elin does for a living, but like most women after a divorce, I think it’s advisable that she get up, get out and do something. She seems like a relatively together woman – I’m sure she can go out to work. She shouldn’t be sitting back waiting for a bunch of Tiger money to cushion her future existence. And if I were her, I think I’d be somewhat uncomfortable with that. How do you move on if you know your whole life is essentially funded by your scuzzbucket ex?

But what I do think is a major consideration here is the level of humiliation Elin went through. This wasn’t just any regular cheating scandal. It just kept unfolding, in a very public forum. With the recent revelation that Tiger possible has some other kids floating around as a result of his wandering dick syndrome, it seems to just continue. Elin seems like a very private person and it must be beyond mortifying to have these sort of details poured over by the press. For that alone, she deserves a huge chunk of change.

Reports have said Tiger’s willing to throw whatever money at the situation as long as Elin agrees to never speak to any media outlets. I’m sure she’s hardly in a rush to pour her heart out to Oprah about how humiliating it was to find out your husband was screwing 5000 $2 skanks.

Tiger is living proof that money can’t buy you sense.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do.Click here and make my day. Thank you!