Running with Friends
This past weekend I very randomly ended up in Paris running the half marathon. When my good friend Candie text me last minute asking if I’d like to go, I figured hey, cheering my friend on in a race in Paris – what better way to spend a Sunday? During our journey over, we discovered there was a spare race place going, so, knowing how Candie gets nervous before races, I offered to pace her through. It would be my second time running the Paris Half Marathon, last year I ran it with my first gang of Team Bangs on the Run girls. This time around, those 13 miles taught me a lot.
After having an awesome Saturday wandering around Paris, Candie and I sat down at dinner to discuss the game plan for race day. She wanted to go for a personal best and through lots of deep discussion, we got to the root of what’s been holding her back: lack of self belief. The inner dialogue we have with ourselves on a daily basis can really play tricks on us, but especially so when we’re putting our bodies through the kind of distances we runners do. Unless you can override that voice telling you ‘I can’t', you’re gonna have serious problems.
But as we set off yesterday, I realised what this race was about for me and the lessons it would teach me. It had very little to do with running and everything to do with friendship.
Candie and I met on Twitter, ran with the same running crew, she was on the second Team Bangs on the Run and now here we were living it up in Paris. As time has gone on, I’ve realised she came into my life at just the right time. She’s an old head on young shoulders and has talked sense into me many a time. Race day was my chance to return the favour. It was my first time pacing someone through a race. Here’s what I learned:
Sometimes you have to stay a step ahead of your friends
I know my role in this friendship is to lead by example. I wanted to push her, but not crowd her, make sure she did her best, but not pressure her. I stayed probably about 30 feet ahead of her most of the time to push her to catch me. I glanced back often to make sure she was still with me and I’d see a long acrylic nail giving me the thumbs up – we were cool.
Sometimes plans change, we have to change with them
While we had wanted to do a new personal best, within the first mile, Candie realised she was having a problem with her ankle. It slowed her right down. I knew we wouldn’t be able to get across the finish line in her desired time, so we changed tack. It was time to think of this as a regular training run (she’s training for the London Marathon). There’s no time to, or point in, freaking out. Just adapt.
I can be very selfish
I’ve known this all along, but I guess yesterday was one of the first times I can ever recall actively fighting against my urge to be that and to step up and make this about someone else. I was here for her, not to run my own race. Her needs meant more than mine for the couple of hours we were out there. I need to draw on that more with my other friendships.
It’s about so much more than running
Everyone I know who runs has a story. There’s something that has spurred them on to want to put their bodies through this. Candice’s story is one that touched me deeply and each run is a victory for her, each medal a symbol of how far she’s come. Running 13 miles for fun may seem odd to some people, but yesterday we were fighting self doubt, figuring out how much we were willing to push for what we wanted, setting examples to young women everywhere who feel they can’t do this, and so much more. The running is the least important factor.
Real friends know you mean well
There were moments yesterday when the combination of pain and distance had Candie believing she couldn’t do this, thinking she wanted to stop. I had to give her a stern, yet loving talking to. There are moments that call for that kind of talk – we are on the same page, I knew what I had to say and I knew she’d be receptive. Some things aren’t always easy to hear, but they’re necessary.
If you start something together, finish together
There are, of course, times in life when this isn’t realistic, but yesterday, I didn’t want to have come to Paris to pace my friend through a race and finish 50 feet ahead of her. I looped back to scoop her up whenever I was getting too ahead of myself and when we saw that finish line, I glued myself to her side and let her know we were finishing this shoulder to shoulder (well, not quite, as you can see from the pic, there’s a bit of a height differential between us, but you get my drift). I shouted at her to dig deep and finish in style and it’s always at those moments, when you feel you have nothing left to give, that you can really surprise yourself.
Sure yesterday I came away with a medal, but I also came away with a stronger friendship. Guess which one I’m valuing more.
Read Candie’s blog here and follow her on Twitter.
Related posts:
Tags: Candice Brown Braithwaite, Frienships, Paris Half Marathon, running
.
