12 Things to Stop Doing in 2012
With a New Year comes all the lame resolutions everyone likes to make about stopping smoking, going on a diet or signing up to the gym. Yawn. Most people fail – mainly because to place such importance on the ‘New Year’ like it has some sort of magical powers that will automatically rid you of your slack ass ways is ridiculous. So, I have come up with 12 things that will be easy for everyone to do and will, I believe, make the world a better place (marginally) (if we’re not focusing on the big things) (at least all of them are cheaper than a gym membership).
Stop Taking Pictures in Your Bathroom
It’s a curse of social media that we now know what everyone’s bathroom looks like. I get it, there’s better lighting in there, but until you learn the art of proper composition and not holding your phone in front of your face and using the flash, all that is just lost. All we can see is one ab and some tiling.
Stop Wishing You Were A Kardashian
Kids, I know you’ve grown up on ‘reality’ TV and stuck up twats with a crap ton of money who party for a living is seen as ‘the norm’ in your twisted little worlds, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but when you step out into the real reality, you’ll find that no matter how high your platforms, how padded your push up bra and how long your extensions, you will be expected to work for a living. People won’t just hand things to you on a silver platter because you look like Barbie. I know, it sucks, but you know what? Actually earning the things you have can be pretty fun, as can making career goals that don’t involve sleeping with a footballer.
Stop Rioting
Let’s not riot in 2012. That’s like, soooo August 2011. Burning your city to the ground and looting everything in sight leaving everyone wondering when the four horsemen of the apocalypse were gonna ride through town was terrifying enough the first time around. Let’s not do that again.
Stop Broadcasting Your Every Breath on Social Media
Listen, I get that not every tweet can have Keats-esque layers of deepness, but when you’re telling us you just went to the shop to pick up some plum tomatoes for dinner, surely there must be a point at which you ask yourself why on earth anyone would care about that. The tweeting of a ‘to do’ list is just painful. You are allowed to keep some stuff to yourself – that especially goes for parents who like to update us on their child’s bowel movements. I can assure you nobody cares about that, not even other parents.
Stop Thinking You’re the Exception to the Rule and You’re the One Person Who Looks Good in Uggs
You’re not. You don’t. It’s kinda like when Jennifer Lopez wore white jeans in the Love Don’t Cost a Thing video and we all just let her off ’cause she was J-Lo and it was the late 90s/early 2000s and she could do what the hell she liked. Yeah, you’re not J-Lo and it’s 2012.
Stop Referring to Women as ‘Slut’ or ‘Ho’
Such yawn-inducing insults. Also, this is mainly for the intense confusion surrounding the plural of ‘ho’ – is it ‘hos’ or ‘hoes’? Funnily enough, men often seem to throw these insults at women who won’t sleep with them. The fact that she won’t sleep with a misogynistic tosser such as yourself means you should really be referring to her as someone who has ‘good taste’ or you know, ‘standards’.
Stop Calling Your Boyfriend ‘The Boy’
Cringeworthy. Patronising. And I’m assuming he’s over 18 – surely you are dating a fully grown man at this point. Act like it.
Stop Not Valuing People
If people give you time, help, advice, a friendly ear in a time of need, the very least you can do is say thank you. You are not entitled to zip – people do not have to give you the time of day. If they do and they actually help you with something, get your head out of your self absorbed behind for a second and say thank you.
Stop Projecting Your BS onto Other People
If you find yourself being offended by everything and people have to walk on egg shells around you for fear that the wrong word in any given sentence will set you off, you are the problem, not other people. Your low self esteem is your issue and it’s up to you to do something about it, the world doesn’t have to bow down to you to make you feel better. Likewise, throwing all the bitchy, catty comments in the world at other people will not make you feel better about yourself. A little soul searching in 2012 wouldn’t go amiss.
Stop Wearing Your Pyjamas Out of the House
If you have any sort of goals you want to achieve in 2012, they all start with getting dressed. Make a frikkin’ effort.
Stop Thinking Real Life Rules Don’t Apply Online
My oh my how people love to get a bit lippy on the internet. As a general rule, if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t get brave and leave it in their blog comments section.
Stop Talking About What You’re Gonna Do and Just Do It
This time of year you’re practically falling over the ‘this year is gonna be my year!’ people. What if this year, you actually did all the crap you talk about doing? What if you didn’t start every sentence with ‘as soon as…’ or ‘when the time’s right…’? What if you stopped waiting for circumstances to be absolutely perfect before you gave something a go? Opportunities don’t always come gift wrapped and you’re never gonna know what you’re capable of unless you try it. Fear of failure is for the birds. So shut up and just do it already.
