Running Etiquette for Non-Runners
Runners and non-runners alike have to share these streets. Somehow, we must find a way to co-exist peacefully. When I was a non-runner, runners used to piss me off no end, but now that I’ve joined their ranks, I get it. Not to say we own the streets, clearly we don’t, but I thought I’d put together a handy guide for you non-runners, to help you understand us a bit more. I mean, can’t we just all get along?
No, I don’t want a lift
You see, the reason I didn’t get in a car today is because I’m running. Invariably, I’m training towards something and generally attempting to keep myself fit, so thank you for the kind offer, but no, I don’t want a lift. Also, yelling that out the window of your moving, rather unattractive yellow, convertible, 1993 Volkswagon Golf implies that you actually have no intention of stopping, which is just mean.
Please do not stop me to ask the time/directions
It’s not that I don’t want to help you, it’s just that, I’m kinda in the middle of something here. I’d have thought the sweat, heavy breathing, quick running motion would’ve given that away but hey, clearly you’re a little slow on the uptake. Also, yes, I know I have a watch on, but it’s not that kind of watch. It is there purely to measure my speed against that of Superman, not to tell you it’s 8.47pm.
Can you train your dog/acquaint it with a lead/shout at it sometimes?
I believe there was a time when, if a dog owner saw their dog hurtling towards an unsuspecting runner at break neck speed, they’d have said something or chased after them. It seems that is no longer the case, so I’m left to navigate these murky waters myself. I feel I have three options in this scenario; scream, kick it or hurdle over it. I may possibly end up doing all three. Though sometimes, when you instruct your dog to chase after me, it does improve my times, so I’m not always against it. Oh, but if you could learn to pick your animal’s shit up, that’d be great.
Can you just…move?
Is walking five abreast really necessary? How about testing out a 3, 2 formation? Or a 2, 2, 1? As much as I love risking my life by jumping in the bus lane to get around your private pavement party, it’d be nice if you left a little room for the rest of us. Not even just runners – if you bothered to look behind you, you’d see there’s a queue of really frustrated pedestrians hating your guts too.
Please don’t imitate the running motion, make comments like ‘get them knees up!’ or anything to that effect
We get the knowing runner nod from other runners to let us know we’re doing well. It’s like we’re part of a secret society. It’s silent, gentle encouragement. But when the ‘get them knees up love!’ and ‘go on! Faster!’ comments come from the drunken lout outside the pub, well you’ll excuse me if I’m not bowled over by your sporting prowess. Unless you’re Paula Radcliffe or Mo Farah shouting encouragement at me, I really need for you to eat a big slice of ‘shut the hell up’ and go sit down.
So there you have it, just a few basics that might help us all get along a little easier. If you have any other tips, feel free to leave them in the comments.
Related posts:
Tags: non-runners, running, running etiquette, Team Bangs on the Run
