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Dear Bangs

There’s no denying that you are the queen of straight up advice.  If you are able to offer any words of wisdom for my predicament, I would be most grateful.

One of the girls I went to high school has recently decided she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore.  I’m not sure of the exact reason, because she cut me off without so much as a phonecall or a coffee to discuss what her issue is with me.

Now while she doesn’t have the balls to talk things through with me face to face, she seems content to tell every single other person who has ever walked the Earth what’s going on.  In fact, she recently sent an email to (at least) 10 of our mutual friends describing in great detail why she doesn’t want to be friends with me.  I haven’t read it, but have had more than one friend as describing it as being “essay length”.

I should add some further clarity to this matter and say that she decided “I can no longer be in her life” over 5 months ago.  The email was sent in the past month.

I flip-flop between a couple of emotions. If I’m perfectly honest I’m still mourning the loss of a friendship.  On the other hand, I want to sucker punch the girl, as she seems content to do whatever she can to make my life a living hell and drag this situation out (case in point, her recent email).  We are in our late-20′s, but she seems to have forgotten we left high school.

Unfortuantely, I can’t simply cut this bitch out of my life due to our mutual friendships.  This means I’m forced to see her on every birthday, baby shower, christening, BBQ and dinner party.  At said events she likes to do whatever she can to make me (and everyone around us) uncomfortable.  If we are at dinner and I make a comment she goes out of her way to ignore me, roll her eyes or some other action which justifies her overall feeling of superiority over her.

Other than bitch-slapping this woman what do I do?  Do I play her game?  I need some coping strategies because at the moment I honestly dread the thought of attending an event when I know she’s attending.

Cheers

Trying to cope with the Frenemy from hell

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Dear Trying to Cope with the Frenemy From Hell,

Well first off, that bitch needs to grow the f*ck up. What kind of lame nonsense is that? Seriously!

I don’t know your background with this chick, but honestly, by the sounds of things, she ain’t that great a friend. I understand where you’re coming from when you say you’re mourning a friendship. I had a good friend of mine stop talking to me out of the blue last year with no explanation. It hurts. But, while he hasn’t told me what the issue is (and I’m sure I must have done something to piss him off, though for the life of me, can’t figure out what it is), he has not sent essay length emails to people slagging me off either.

Given the fact that you share mutual friends, her actions here are deplorable and beyond juvenile. This is life, not some popularity contest where you try to get to all the friends first to get them on  your side. What utter bollocks.

So what can you do? Well, you said ‘aside from bitch slapping’ in your letter, so without that, I’m fresh out of ideas. I kid, I kid. My advice would be, kill her with kindness. Don’t make any attempts to contact her – she’s clearly craving a big showdown, which she will no doubt use to further convince your friends that you suck. On occasions you do see her, be pleasant, but don’t suck up. Don’t confront her, don’t respond to her eye rolls and off hand comments – the more you just rise above it and be unaffected, the more she digs her own grave. The more you don’t react, the more your friends will conclude that Miss Bitch 2010 is kinda making a mountain out of a mole hill and crying for attention.

Don’t give the bitch the satisfaction of letting it get to you. I realise all of that is much easier said than done, but in the long run, it’ll work.

If all that fails, just bitch slap the crap out of her.

Smooches

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email bangs@bangsandabun.com