The Bitch Please Advice Column
Dear Bangs,
Men don’t find me attractive.
What do I do?
Yours Sincerely,
Clearly A Minger
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Dear Clearly A Minger,
Come here. Come on…nestle yourself in my bosom for a second and let me give you a hug. *strokes your hair* OK, now stand back for a second so I can bitch slap you. It’ll sting for a moment, but it’s for your own good.
OK, now listen here, we’ll have none of this talk, you hear me?! I have no idea what you look like but I highly, highly doubt you are a minger. And if you think you are, well then, let me consult page 1 of my ‘Psychoanalysis For Beginners’ handbook and tell you, we’ve located 99% of the problem right there.
I wrote about my personal struggle with my looks recently and was overwhelmed at the reactions of people sharing similar stories. In my youth, I always considered myself the ugly one – no fellas ever glanced in my direction. Gradually over time, as I became more comfortable with my features and God forbid, actually started to like them, I noticed a shift. It’s a simple equation, once I liked myself more, other people liked me more.
I’m by no means suggesting that the struggle for personal acceptance, especially when it comes to looks, is easy. I know first hand how hard it is. But that is where you must start. In order for men to find you attractive, you must first look at yourself that way. I know you don’t – you described yourself as a ‘minger’.
So what can you do? Find a full length mirror, strip down to your undies and look at yourself. Really look at yourself. Now, how about this time, instead of pointing out all your flaws, you focus in on the things you like. Even if right now you only like your pinky toe, you better heap praise on that pinky toe like it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen! Go on, no one’s watching, it’s just you and the mirror. Try to find at least five things you like about you, looks and personality wise.
Next you should pamper yourself, spoil yourself, treat yourself. Forgive yourself for ever thinking you were less than. You and yourself have some making up to do. Make a playlist of your favourite songs, put on your favourite outfit and go out and strut. This is Operation Feel Good. You need to spend some time getting good with you. Once people see you have confidence in yourself, they’ll have confidence in you.
I’m not dating right now and there are days when I feel no one of the opposite sex has even noticed my existence, but not for one second will I allow myself to think no one finds me attractive. When the right guy finally finds me, I’ll be glad all those others were blind!
Hang in there – it only gets better.
Smooches
Bangs
xoxo
If you need some no nonsense advice, email The Bitch Please Advice Column at bangsandabun@gmail.com
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