The Bitch Please Advice Column
Dear Bangs,
I have a friend and colleague who I feel may actually be more of a frenemie. She’s a wild card, which can make her fun, but right now it’s really rubbing me the wrong way.
We work in the same office, but for slightly different organisations. I’ve worked here longer, so maybe I’m just being resistant to change, but I don’t really think that’s the case. I think the problem is she’s a knob.
She has this sense of entitlement and authority – she has a really flamboyant style, loads of very big, very visible tattoos, she wears gold cowboy boots with knee high socks and a silk Chinese dress (it doesn’t work) and sheer tops over sheer bras. She’s obsessed with Vice magazine and has got our colleague to take topless photos of herself in the office to send to them. She talks about sex and drugs in the office, she’s always hung over and somehow our boss seems to love her.
As I’m leaving, she’s taken it upon herself to recruit for my role despite no one having asked her to. It’s nothing to do with her, but she feels this entitlement to do as she pleases. But maybe I’m being sensitive about leaving.
We went to a really nice tea party in a lovely hotel recently where I introduced her to my sister and frenamie spent the whole time shocking people by talking loudly about torture porn.
She has an internet slave. She sends him dirty underwear and he sends her money and designer shoes. That’s not too relevant – it’s just a bit weird.
So, I suppose my question is do I tell her she’s being a knob, or is that what makes her special and since I’m leaving it won’t affect me for much longer anyway. If I try to tame her will I ruin what’s special about her, or does she just need to learn?
Lots of love
Dowdy feeling friend
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Well Dowdy Feeling Friend, your friend sounds like a douchebag. Seriously, you are to be commended for withstanding the seemingly endless string of shite she appears to be hurling your way (or really just anyone’s way, whether they’re paying attention or not).
Let’s examine the various levels of douchebaggery this individual is caught up in:
a) gold cowboy boots, knee high socks and a Chinese dress – really? I mean, really?
b) the obsession with Vice Magazine – internationally recognised as the hipster douchebag journal of choice.
c) talking about sex and drugs in the office/always being hung over – ugh, just tired and classless.
d) torture porn – I don’t even know where to begin with that one.
e) the internet slave thing – I should be outraged, yet I find myself strangely jealous that she’s getting shoes out of that deal.
Alas, if I carry on, I’ll run out of alphabet.
And so, to your question: should you inform her of her twatiness or just let it slide? I think it’s clear that telling her will make absolutely no difference to her behaviour whatsoever. She’s an attention whore (and quite possibly an actual whore, on the internet at least). Everything about the behaviour you’ve described says that she goes balls out for maximum impact at all times. Telling her will undoubtedly give her an excuse (as if she’d need one) to be dramatic, start a fight, harp on about how the world’s against her….I’m falling asleep just thinking about it.
I think some of this is stemming from your feelings about leaving, but really if I were you, I would just ignore her antics. Playing into it gives her exactly what she wants. She sounds so utterly tiresome, I can’t imagine doing anything other than turning your back and walking far, far away (preferably with some lighter fluid and those gold cowboy boots).
Smooches,
Bangs
If you have a problem and need some tell-it-like-it-is advice, email bangsandabun@gmail.com
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