bangsandabun.com

Umm – a really hot frenchman? The thing that gets me about many affairs is that the people they tend to go for are either a lot like betrayed partner or hamburger to betrayed partner’s steak (yes Tiger Woods, I’m looking at you). People don’t cheat because something better comes along, they cheat because they want the excitement of a new love affair. Well, that fades after a while, and where does that leave you?

I’d leave if I was so unhappy it was harmful to myself, my husband and/or my child. It wouldn’t be because of another person. I’ve got to say, 11 years into this marriage, I can’t imagine a change of circumstance or the Mr changing to such an extent that I’d want out. I still want to pinch his bottom as he walks past, and equally importantly, I like him.

I am so ridiculously happy in love, that Romain Duris could show up with no shirt and an offer to whisk me away on a life of no worries, and I’d say “Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. (But give me a twirl before you go)”.

I don’t know if one can put women into a “happy, knowingly unhappy, or unknowingly unhappy” category, because it’s not that simple. It’s more about that person’s own ethics, morals, choices, and yes, how connected to, committed to, and in love they are to their partner. My boyfriend once jokingly asked me what I would do if Colin Firth met me, fell in love with me, and asked me to come away with him (SIGH!) and I jokingly responded, “Darling, I love you, but… it’s Colin Firth. Of course I’d go with him.” Of course, I was kidding (and I had to make that clear to my poor boyfriend who was worried…. well, for all of ten seconds) and it’s true.

I haven’t seen this film, but to imagine someone happy in love falling for a suave stranger – (and then, to add insult to injury, sticking with him when she finds out he’s an imposter) – is actually insulting. If a woman is as fickle as that, then that’s the category to put her into: fickle woman. End of story.

Hmm. Not sure what would break up my relationship (wait… I’m not actually in one. But you know what I mean!). I think it’s the human condition to always wonder, no matter how blissfully happy one is. It’s a ‘grass is greener’ situation. The important thing is the decision you make – will you stay or will you go? The answer is based on so much more than love (I think). And like Claire says above, that is something not covered by the lazy categorizations of ‘happy’, ‘unhappy’ and ‘unknowingly unhappy’.

I think that in relationships, as with anything else in life, our minds are our own worst enemy. So I think it’s pretty easy to break up a relationship if you plant the right seeds in a person’s mind and let it go to work.

Look at how easily Iago was able to get Othello to question Desdemona’s virtue…we can talk ourselves into or out of anything we want.

I think it comes down to trust, primarily. Once that’s broken, then it’s a slow slide to breaking up. And usually it takes a long time to figure it out, which is probably why most breakups are so protracted and take forever to become permanent.

But once one person realizes they can’t rely on or trust the other person, whether it be because of cheating or something smaller, then I think it’s done. Because you never really know what’s going on in another person’s head, so if you can’t take their word for it, then you’re finished.

These situations are never black & white – I was in the best relationship I’ve ever had and everything was going great – we were going to get married and all that… and then someone else walked into my life, I was presented with the opportunity and suddenly everything changed. It took someone else coming in and showing me what I could have to see that what I had wasn’t really want I wanted even though I was happy and we were in love. Love kind of blinded me into believing that average happiness was all I needed in a relationship. It ended horribly of course and the other guy ended up being a total douche but it showed me that I wanted more for myself. You can be totally happy in a relationship but totally unaware of yourself I think… so fickle might not be the way I would describe it – and it is most certainly not that easy in real life, but sometimes it takes someone else to push you outside your bubble to see things more clearly.