Am I a Woman Hater?

misogyny-women-as-chattel

A couple of days ago, I did a post about domestic violence, exploring the idea that a man should never hit a woman. I wanted to take a look at it from a different angle, generate discussion and shed more light on the fact that it is not only women who are victims of domestic violence. A commenter on that post has accused me of being a woman hater. Here is her comment:

Miss Bangs and Bun….be honest….are you a woman hater??
all you seem to do is have little digs at women all the time??
Are you on a mission like Cosmopolitian magazine to make women feel crap about themselves??
Your posts always seemed to geared toward dissing, cussing or tearing women down one way or another. You never say anything nice EVER!
Domestic violence is a hefty issue and every situation is so different! It’s clear you have no personal experience of DV. It’s opinions like yours that stop women speaking out…Maybe speak to some women you have and get a better understanding and maybe abit of compassion. Violence against a man or a woman is NEVER acceptable or the answer to any relationship problem! Your such a great writer, it would be fantabulous to see you write something positive about women!

I think this raises some interesting points and would like to thank whoever wrote it.

So, let’s examine: am I a woman hater? Well, considering I am a woman and I think I’m pretty damn marvellous, no, I’d have to say I’m not.

It’s important to understand, this is a humour blog. My particular brand of humour is observational and leans to the cynical side. As such, I take situations, try to look at them from a different angle and give a perspective that differs from the ones you may read everywhere else.

The reason it may come off as though I hate women is because traditional women’s media does nothing but blow smoke up our asses. You, it seems, have fallen into the trap of believing what that particular brand of media has shoved down your throat. Me? I’m a realist. Are we all domestic goddesses? Hell no. Are we all skinny? Do we all have perfect jobs? Are we all sugar and spice and all things nice? Most definitely not. Women have changed throughout the ages. I have a huge interest in women’s issues from the 1920s-1960s. Those were times where women had class, there was etiquette that was followed and we actually behaved like ladies. There’s been a real shift in the way women present themselves and are perceived. We’re still fighting for equality. I genuinely just want us to do better, be better, grow, learn and progress.

What I try to do here is explore that. I’ll hold a mirror up to us and make us look at the parts of ourselves that we’d rather not believe. There are unsavoury elements of being a woman that lie in all of us and I’m not exempt from that. A lot of this is as much for self analysis as it is anything else. Sometimes when I write something, I’m just throwing it out there to gauge opinion, hear what others think. Through those debates, I’ve learned many things and they’ve helped me to look at things in a different light.

You are not Elle magazine. You are not Vogue, Company, Glamour or any of the others. There’s more to us than that and it’s not always pleasant. If that offends your ‘rainbows and unicorns’ mentality, then I apologise, but like I said, I’m a realist.

As for your comment that I ‘never write anything nice, ever!’ well, I’ve had this blog for two and a half years and I highly doubt you’ve read every post. If you had, you would know that isn’t true.

In reference to me never having experienced domestic violence, may I direct you to this post where I discuss going through a court case because my boyfriend at the time assaulted me. If you’ve gone through the fear and intimidation of the court system, restraining orders etc, trust me, it’s not possible to not have compassion.

Your comment highlights exactly what I was talking about. You say ‘it’s opinions like yours that stop women speaking out.’ Once again, you’re believing the hype. Believe it or not, it is not always women who are the victims. My post was trying to draw attention to that. And yes, I took a look at what a lot of people are not willing to admit – that sometimes women’s behaviour can escalate situations unnecessarily. I see nothing wrong with discussing that if it makes a woman think twice about the way she’s acting and treating people. We are not always right! As I stressed in the post, I do not condone domestic violence and I think it’s equally as wrong for a woman to hit a man as it is vice versa.

In short, if you want the same old drivel, pick up any women’s magazine – they’re all the same. But here, I’d rather present you with something that’ll make you think. If you really read my blog, you’d see that I’ve gone to bat defending women just as much as I’ve questioned our crazy ways.

But thank you for the comment – you have given me food for thought, indeed.