The Bitch Please Advice Column
Dear Bangs,
I succumbed to a moment of weakness (whilst drunk last weekend) and flicked through my boyfriends text messages. I know that was totally inappropriate, and way out of line… and I wouldn’t normally do something that stalkerish/loopy… but I came across a text message saying “come over and f*ck me babe”, to which he replied “on my way” – do I confront him about it? Do I assume it was nothing? I can’t say anything without admitting that I searched through his phone. I would never have suspected that he would cheat on me… but can we really trust our boyfriends? I’m a bit confused, to say the least!!
Please help, Bangs
Warm regards,
A fan.
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Dear A Fan,
*heavy sigh* Well, first of all, that sucks. Second of all, bitch please! Why did you go snooping? See, these are the messes we girls get ourselves into. You say it was a moment of weakness and that you would never have expected him to cheat on you. I say that’s bollocks. You looked because you had some sort of suspicion something was going on. Well, congratulations, you found it.
What you do next depends on a few things. If the current state of your relationship is all love and roses and there are no other signals that anything’s going on, you might wanna let it slide. The fact that he left his phone around for you to fiddle with tells me he’s a bit of a rookie if he is dipping his toe (and God knows what else) in other waters. Unless of course, you did it while he was sleeping, which puts you one step closer to psycho-stalker territory – congrats.
Your second option is to go all-out-crazy-bitch and call the number. This, I wouldn’t advise. There’s no way for you to come out of it without looking like a mental patient. Most women are far too highly emotional to be able to have a rational chit chat with a woman who is potentially doing the nasty with her boyfriend.
Third option – go straight Cagney & Lacey on his ass. The night in question, was he where he said he was? Could you get hold of him? Interview possible witnesses and other suspects. But again, you come out looking crazy.
Fourth option – just ask him. If it really is niggling at you that much and you’re that invested in the relationship, just fess up. Say you feel like an idiot, you realise you shouldn’t have done it, but you’d like to know the truth. Problem here is, he’s a man so will lie either way. Kinda how women have that unstoppable urge to snoop into things they shouldn’t, men have an unstoppable urge to lie – often for no good reason at all.
But really, my only advice here is – go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your snooping may have been born out of paranoia, boredom or drunkenness, but something deeper than that spurred you to go ahead and look. I’ve had many a crappy boyfriend do many a shitty thing and the one thing I can say through all of it is, if I’d just listened to my gut in the beginning, I could have avoided every last one of those situations.
Good luck and God speed!
Bangs
If you have a problem and would like some no nonsense, Bangs-style advice, email the Bitch Please Advice Column at bangsandabun@gmail.com
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