The Kavorka
The Kavorka is a powerful, unstoppable force. Also known as ‘the lure of the animal’, it makes people feel unbelievably attracted to you, they must have you. Have you ever been attracted to someone and you just couldn’t figure out why? In all likelihood, they had the Kavorka. No wonder you couldn’t help yourself.
I had the Kavorka back in my early 20s. (Can I just take a moment here to acknowledge how mortified I am that I say things like ‘early 20s’ now? I’m not even 29 yet! I’m actually choking back tears here). I was dating like a mad woman back then – always had someone on the go. Looking back, I didn’t have anything particularly exciting going on. I think I look and feel better now than I ever have and I have way more exciting things going on with my life, so you’d think a pack of hot French boys would be falling over themselves to get with me – yet, that still eludes me. There’s only one explanation for it – my Kavorka’s worn off.
Now that you know about The Kavorka, it may help to explain why certain people in the public eye get so much ass.
Lil Wayne
Lil Weezy has The Kavorka ON LOCK! Look at him – the man looks like a gremlin. There is absolutely no logical explanation why women would fall over themselves for this douchebag. He got two women pregnant last year. Two! And they were good looking girls! There’s no two ways about it; Lil Wayne is the King of Kavorka.
Sienna Miller
Sienna Miller has always looked to me like she doesn’t bathe, yet, could this girl get any more ass? I don’t understand it. She always has a fella on her arm. She doesn’t seem particularly charming, her acting skills are, well, let’s just say ‘lack lustre’ at best and she’s pretty average looking. She must be infused with ‘The Lure of the Animal’.
Tiger Woods
Tiger looks like he could, quite literally, bore me to tears. And on top of that, he plays golf, for Christ’s sake, a game made for 50+ year old men with pot bellies and no personalities. And yet didn’t he just have affairs with like, 2317 women? Do you think he was charming these ladies with his tales of how tough it is out there on the green? Nope – Kavorka!
Robert Pattinson
This guy looks filthy. And not the kind of filthy that I might actually enjoy. You couldn’t pay me to run my hands through that grease pit he calls his hair and that pale, pasty, awkward, mumbling, bumbling, nerdy, vampire, douchiness just does not do it for me in the slightest. Alas, gazillions of teenagers would happily become a teenage pregnancy statistic in his presence. He is working his Kavorka to the fullest.
So now do you see? We may not understand why these people get so much attention, but that’s because it’s the ‘lure of the animal’ and beyond our control.
So, who do you think has the Kavorka?
