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A Darker Shade of Pale

I wish I could be one of those people who joke that they’re going to blush. Sadly, I’m one of those people who actually does blush and it feels like the end of the world every time I do.

I’m here to lay to rest some of the myths surrounding the red face for you. Many people think it’s because you’re embarrassed or guilty. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. I’ll sometimes blush for no reason at all. I’ll have no idea what triggered it and I can’t do anything about it until it finishes. I don’t blush now as much as I used to, but I guess it’s a gene thing – if you’re unlucky enough to have it, you’ll blush at inappropriate moments for the rest of your life. Fun times.

I find it happens to me when I have to speak publicly, especially if I’m singled out unexpectedly. Oh sure, I’m confident and all that and people say I speak well in front of others, but put me on the spot and I’ll gradually feel my face getting hotter and hotter. But then there’s times when I’m completely prepared and I’ll blush anyway – because, you know, God forbid my body just stuck the a certain rule and gave me a heads up for when it was going to act a fool. My blushing issue thinks it’s best to keep me guessing about when it’s going to rear it’s ugly head. But one thing’s for sure, you can guarantee it’ll be at the most inappropriate moment.

Of course it’s not limited to public speaking. The other day, on the tube in London, I caught a guy checking me out and that made me blush. But here’s the kicker – he wasn’t even good looking. A good looking guy checking you out and you blushing – that’s understandable! But an ugly guy? Not so much. So now, my stupid face has given the impression that I like this guy because naturally, you would think I’m blushing because I’m flattered/find him attractive too. See, my stupid face sends all sorts of mixed signals and regularly gets me into trouble.

The best is when people point out that you’re blushing. No shit – ’cause I was just over here wishing the ground would open up and swallow me, but thanks for making an uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable for me. Much appreciated. Asshole. Some people go one better than pointing it out – they’ll ask you why you’re blushing. Sorry, I’m a little too focused on wishing it would stop to be able to give you an in depth look into my psyche and analyze why it’s happening. It’s always you goddamn non-blushers who think it’s cute or funny or charming. It’s none of those things! It’s an embarrassing pain in the ass!

So if you see someone blushing don’t a) make assumptions that you know why, because for the most part, we may have no idea. It’s quite often for no good reason at all and b) don’t, for the love of God, EVER point it out. No one is more painfully aware in the moment, than the blusher. Just pretend it’s not happening, because God knows, we wish we could.

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Tags: blushing, embarrassing moments