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Let’s (Not) Talk About It

The ’00s have, without a doubt, been the decade of ‘talking it out.’ As soon as there’s a hint someone may have a problem, we say, ‘do you wanna talk about it?’ When celebs get in trouble, they are shipped off to therapy so they can ‘share their feelings.’ Well yeah, that was nice and all, but I vote we make the next ten years, the decade of shutting the hell up.

It’s great that everyone feels the need to get everything out there, but when I ask a casual acquaintance ‘how are you?’ and they feel the need to share every problem they’ve ever had in their life, it’s gone too far. Here’s a little advice: when I ask ‘how are you?’ – I don’t actually care. I’m merely being polite. So if you respond with anything other than ‘I’m fine thanks. And you?’ I reserve the right to bitch slap you and send you back to your therapist.

Is it even possible to be a celebrity anymore without a troubled past? It’s like a rite of passage. Whenever someone’s caught with their pants down or some coke up their nose, they have to do the big apology statement and say they’re going to an ‘in treatment facility’ (usually called ‘Inner Peace Sanctuary’ or some bollocks), only to re-emerge after their 90 days, hawking a tell-all book and pouring their heart out to Oprah.

We’re supposedly eating all this up because it means these celebrities are just like us. They have problems too. Of course they frikkin’ do – they’re human. If you’ve spent any time thinking otherwise, you’re an idiot. But I’m also not going to have sympathy when they shove their explanations for their behaviour down our throats. You know what, I don’t believe that every celeb with a drug problem had a troubled childhood. I think some people just like to get high. Not everyone who shags anything with two legs and a pulse is a sex addict. Perhaps they just like to get laid. Yes, sometimes it really is that simple.

This culture of over-sharing has got to slow its row. I’m tired of hearing everyone’s sob story. I’m not saying don’t speak about it ever, but choose whom you divulge information to carefully. If you’re a celebrity, that means talking about your crap with a therapist, if you think that works. If you’re a regular Joe, dump your issues on your understanding best friend. There are certain things the rest of us don’t want or need to know.

So thanks for doing a status update on Facebook about your last bowel movement and for telling me how great your boyfriend is in bed. I’ll be sure to file those under ‘shit I don’t care about.’

Have some class. Some things really are better left unsaid.

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Tags: oprah, over-yapping, oversharing, yapping