Things Which Must Stop: The Summer Edition
Weather Complaining
Yeah, yeah, I get it. The weather hasn’t been perfect. It’s been unseasonable. There’s been some rain. But I’m from England. This is a pretty regular summer to me. So how about you just shut the fuck up, enjoy the sunny days when they happen and think of something new to complain about? I swear to God, every single person you encounter has something to say about the weather conditions, like they’re Al frikkin’ Roker all of a sudden (British people, he’s a weatherman, just so you know). ‘How are you today?’ ‘Well, I’d be good if it wasn’t for all this rain,’ SHUT UP!
Public Nudity
Specifically fat older man public nudity. When the hell did this ever become acceptable? Soon as the sun comes out, men with the worst bodies ever get it in to their twisted little minds that they can just take their T Shirts off all willy nilly and walk around topless. Guess again, Tubby. Unless your upper body looks like this, kindly keep your shirt on. Actually, do us all a favour and put a few more layers on. No one wants to see your beer gut. And when you’re walking down the street, shirtless and your belly ripples with every stride you take, do not, under any circumstances, have the audacity to wink at any member of the female tribe, you prick.
Clear Bra Straps
I’m not sure what is so hard to understand about the concept of straps. If you are wearing a strapless dress, you need small boobs and a strapless bra. If you have giant jugs, straplessness is not your amigo. Deal with it. It’s bad if you attempt it with no bra (if your tits slap you in the face, you have no one to blame but yourself), but to wear a bra that has clear straps, with a strapless top, is even more insulting. Who do you think you’re fooling exactly? It’s summertime bitch. The sun reflects of those clear straps and we are all fully aware that you’ve got some major assistance holding up your fun bags. Clear straps were made to be worn with tank tops, though in my view we should all go back in time to when our mother’s were burning their bras and take those clear strapped pieces of crap out with a match.
