Roddick 0 Mankind 1
Ahhh Roddick. Poor bastard. He came so close.
Funny how when he was playing in the semis against Andy Murray (the Brit), he was lucky if he had 3 people in the crowd backing him (some American tourists, no doubt). Then when he goes to play Federer, the crowd were practically hanging from his nuts. Why? Because Federer was going for a record and British people hate to see anyone succeed at anything. So, we root for the underdog.
But now that he lost and choked back those tears, he’ll forever be in the hearts of the British people. We love us a loser! Well, we’ll love him until he comes back next year and has to play a Brit, then we’ll hate him again and support our own. That’s how we roll Roddick, deal with it.
But, I think Roddick should remember, that while he lost in the game of tennis this weekend, he has won in the game of life. He’s a ridiculously good looking individual and who doesn’t love a pretty face? Exactly. Roger Federer can have all the trophies he wants but he still has to look at that face every day. Yikes.
So Roddick shouldn’t be too upset. Think of all the sympathy sex he can get out of this. I understand he recently got married (lucky bitch). Now, while I wouldn’t sleep with him while he’s still married to said lucky bitch, if he got a quicky divorce, I would be more than willing to negotiate some terms whereby my ass gets spanked by his tennis racket.
But no one can feel bad for losing to Federer. I’m convinced Federer isn’t actually human. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the man doesn’t sweat. How is it possible to play 5 hours of tennis and still look fresh as a daisy? Roddick has sweat dripping from his nose and the peak of his cap (which, when you think about it, is a tremendous feat because to get to the peak of his cap, it has to travel). I would bottle Andy Roddick’s sweat and bathe in it. Too much? Maybe. True? Quite possibly.
So, Mr Roddick, cheer up buttercup. You’ll win Wimbledon one day. And depending on if you’re playing a Brit, we may or may not cheer you on. Good luck to you sir!
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Tags: Andy Roddick, crushes, good looking fellas, men who should be married to me instead of random blondes, Roger Federer, sports, swiss people who win everything and steal our joy
