Backyard Boogie
For anyone unfamiliar with my living situation, my landlady is a transsexual, nudist lesbian. That pretty much brings you up to speed.
Casa Bangs is not your usual apartment. My landlady/landman lives in her apartment downstairs with her extremely good looking latino adonis gay friend (who I’m just waiting for the opportunity to turn straight) and approximately 20-30 illegal immigrants.* She roams around naked, probably 80% of the time, is a circus performer and plays music at ridiculously loud volumes at very inappropriate times.
And this is what I call home.
Recently, my landlady/landman installed a hot tub in the back yard. But this is not some budget jacuzzi. It’s a huge affair that can fit at least a dozen of her refugees in there. It has cool lighting and a sound system linked up to it. It was just installed in January, so obviously, hasn’t been used as of yet.
On the weekend, I was awoken in the middle of the night by the members of the YMCA downstairs testing out the hot tub sound system. So loud, it woke me in one of those comedic-sit-bolt-upright type of ways. I went to the window and looked outside. The hot tub was lit up, house music pumping at deafening decibels…and no one was in it. Not a soul in sight. I rubbed my eyes and realised that there had been a new edition to our ever-changing backyard.
A bar has been installed.
There are bar stools and everything. Who the hell is drinking there? I don’t get it. It was 2.30am, hot tub light flashing, music blaring, empty bar stools. I feel like I’m living at Hugh Heffner’s house. I was hoping my landlady/landman would roam into the picture naked just to make everything make sense.
When the hot tub was installed, she gave me an open invitation to use it, on the condition that I’ll be naked.
So, be prepared for many stories this summer of hot tub action involving me, my transsexual, nudist, lesbian landlady and about 20 refugees. It’s gonna be a rager.
* I have no actual proof that these people are illegal immigrants, but there is an inordinate amount of people coming and going there on any given day, none of whom speak English very well and once, immigration came a-knocking – just saying.
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Tags: dude looks like a lady, hot tubs, landlady becomes landman, nakedness, the gays
