Premature Summer Wardrobe Ejaculation
Every year it’s the same thing. As soon as the temperatures get a little above freezing, some fool breaks out the shorts and flip-flops.
It’s mid-march and so far, the sun has made a couple of appearances in Toronto. But sun in Toronto does not always equate to warmth. Evidently, some people don’t see it that way. One woman I saw, while out shopping, had a severe case of premature summer wardrobe ejaculation. A glimmer of mid-march sunshine does not constitute white linen pants, sandals and a denim jacket. You look even more ridiculous when the people around you are shivering in winter coats. I’ve also seen a guy in shorts and a T Shirt and a girl in a strapless dress. What in the freeze your balls off hell is wrong with you people?
I completely understand, having just endured my third brutally dismal winter here, that the very sight of some sun may send the mind into a false state of hope that warmer times are to come. But now is not that time. Why are some people so against toughing it out for a couple of extra months with a something warm and woolly over their torso? Month by month, you can let a layer go – for example, maybe now we can discard the long johns. And in a week or two, we can dust off our lighter spring jackets and finally stop looking like Michelin men.
But please, I beg of you, save the sandals for summer – that’s where they belong (and when I say ‘sandals’, you know I don’t mean flip flops, bitches, so don’t even try it). And white linen pants have no place anywhere outside of a beach. We’ll have three glorious months to show off the fabulosity of our summer wardrobes – so don’t be so quick to shoot your load.
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Tags: flip flops, summer, wardrobe catastrophes
