'Faux Pas' Doesn't Cut It
At a movie theatre in downtown Toronto on Sunday, as I was waiting for friends, I saw a girl in line for tickets. I did a double take. I think she forgot to get dressed. She was wearing a beat up hoodie, pajama pants and crocs. I’m gonna say that again so you can get the full visual (I tried to take a picture, but my camera exploded – it, rightfully, thought that this particular fashion faux pas should not be recorded for the rest of time): beat up hoodie, pajama pants, crocs. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit too? Yeah, try seeing it first hand, homeslice.
I looked again. I don’t think she was homeless. The friend she was with was dressed reasonably well and the girl herself was paying for her own ticket.
I took a moment to pick my jaw up off the floor. I was beyond disgusted that someone would think that is an acceptable outfit to wear, anywhere, but especially when you are in downtown Toronto and you know you will be meeting friends and around people who will judge you, like me. See, you’d never see someone dressed like that in Times Square and if you did, I guarantee you they’re from Oklahoma or some shit.
I had to hold myself back. I wanted to have words with her, figure out why she was content to be seen in public looking like that. I also wanted to talk to the friend. Friends don’t let friends dress like wankers.
As I watched her go about her business, laughing and joking, I got to thinking about some scenarios in which her outfit would be acceptable:
- She’s pregnant and has outgrown everything else in her wardrobe.
- She lives on a farm and only encounters livestock, who probably don’t care about her appearance.
- Her house burned down and a hoodie, pajama pants and crocs were the only things she could salvage from the wreckage.
- She was accosted by crackheads who stole all her clothes and replaced them with crack wear.
- It’s laundry day and she has nothing else to wear (though public nudity is advised over wearing crocs).
- She was playing truth or dare, she fucked up somewhere and that outfit was the forfeit.
- She’s a method actor, preparing for a role as a Jerry Springer guest.
- She was sick, got up off the couch to get some juice, got disoriented and ended up downtown.
So, Miss HoodiePajamaCroc Girl, it’s almost Christmas, so I think you should make yourself a list. You should just ask Santa for some taste. One word lists are the best. Oh and ask for an incinerator to burn your current wardrobe. Joy to the World!
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Tags: crocs, fashion, things which must stop
