Man Down
Last weekend I reluctantly went on a ‘date’. I didn’t really consider it a date, as such. My friend is dating this dude and her dude told his friend about me and said friend wanted to meet me. Following? Good.
My friend called me around 6pm, telling me she hadn’t heard from her fella all day. Great sign. She called again around 7.30 saying he’d text her and would be picking us up at 9pm from her house. So, I mustered up my pretty, threw on a nice outfit and made my way to her house for 9 o’clock. Our dates didn’t show up till 9.30.
SSSTTTT-RIKE ONE
I cannot abide lateness. I don’t care what your excuse is. And when my friend has been making a big deal about how you want to meet me, surely there is no excuse. I was ready to blow off dinner, go pick up a slice and take my ass home.
We all get in a cab to go to a restaurant. On the way, the fellas admit that they’ve already eaten.
SSSTTTT-RIKE TWO
What the hell is this?! Seriously, how do you invite someone out to dinner, arrive late and then break the news that you already chowed down at home? My stomach was eating itself for God’s sake!
We got to the restaurant, where just me and my friend ordered food. The evening itself was not unpleasant. I wasn’t attracted to my guy, but his conversation was nice enough. What was uncomfortable however, was the fact that my friend is dating a man who clearly bats for the other team and I can’t believe she hasn’t realised it. The more he drank, the gayer he got. It was kind of mindblowing. He’s also 18 years older than her, so it’s like she’s dating her gay daddy. Very strange.
We finish eating and the bill comes. I throw in $20 or $30 and my guy doesn’t even flinch.
SSSTTTT-RIKE THREE
OK, I’m always going to pay for myself on a first date, regardless, but if you requested to meet me and invited me out for dinner, it’s only good manners that you pay. Or at least play the game of telling me to put my money away and let me insist. But no, nothing. Even my friend’s gay daddy was dropping heavy hints, saying ‘there’s way too much there,’ when my guy was counting the money. And he said ‘no, it’s fine.’ I venture to say that it isn’t fine at all, my friend. It’s very far from ‘fine.’ I appreciate a gentleman. I appreciate chivalry and good manners. If you can’t afford to cough up $20 for your date’s meal, you should stay your ass at home.
We lived in the same part of town so we shared a cab. It was on this journey that I discovered that the guy is about to turn 41 years old.
SSSTTTT-RIKE FOUR
OK, I don’t even know if you can get four strikes, but this guy is getting ‘em. I had been told by my friend that he was in his 30s. Early to mid thirties, I can handle, but 41? I don’t need to be anyone’s mid-life crisis, thank you. I’m not anti-age gap, but I think 13 years is a little much for me.
And there you have it. My waste of a saturday night. Moral of the story? Don’t let your friends set you up.
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Tags: Lame dudes, men, the gays
