Flip Off
I am loving the summer. The heat, riding Clooney all over town, hazy sunsets – all make the season quite delightful. But one thing I’m never sad to see go when summer ends is flip flops.
Lordy, how I hate the flip flops! That endless sound of cheap plastic slapping against skin is infuriating. The design of flip flops seems to impair peoples ability to walk, so you end up with a city full of people shuffling and foot slapping all over the joint.
What is wrong with a sandal, I ask you? Throw a heel strap around there and life could go back to normal. But the flip flop seems to enjoy a phenomenal following each summer.
The majority of flip flops are cheap, tacky crap that I can’t understand why anyone would want to wear in the first place, though I’m sure avid flip flop fans will throw around that word ‘comfort’ till the cows come home. Every now and then you see flashy flip flops that have been embellished somehow with sequins, or something equally as tacky that only a drag queen can appreciate. The reflection from the sequins will momentarily dazzle you, but as soon as you hear a shuffle and foot slap you realize you’re back in cheap, tacky shoe hell.
Then there’s the dirt factor. Every time you take a step (a flip, then a flop, if you will), dirt is being collected on the sole of the shoe, which you then put your foot back down on every few seconds. Fresh dirt after fresh dirt, leaving you with, you guessed it, filthy feet. Seriously, someone explain the appeal of these shoes (and if you even mention ‘comfort’, be prepared for me to bitch slap you).
And my final point goes for any open toed shoes really: if you are going to get your feet out in the summer, for the love of Peter, Paul and Mary, get a pedicure! No one wants to see your crusty, hammer toes au naturale. But since flip flops leave you at a disadvantage as soon as you put them on, you need all the help you can get.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m actually looking forward to sexy boot season, just to escape the foot slapping flip flop army.
Tags: flip flops
