A Sham of a Mockery of a Mockery of a Sham
Strange things are afoot in Blighty my friends. And it comes in the form of one of the weirdest family sagas that side of the pond has probably ever seen.
It all started in February when nine year old school girl, Shannon Matthews went missing and an intense 3 week search began for the young ‘un.
This search was of a scale not seen since the hunt for the Yorkshire Ripper. Over a 24-day period, the search involved, among other things; hundreds of police officers, hundreds of members of the local community handing out flyers or looking for the girl, sniffer dogs, the search of over 2000 houses in the local area and intense daily media coverage.
Then, on March 14th, the girl was found, alive. Less than a mile from her home. In her step-dad’s uncle’s house. In a storage cupboard under the bed.
Slowly, it emerged that the whole thing was a big sham, set up by the family. One by one, they were arrested. The step-father seems to have been the ring leader in the whole thing and he got his uncle, sister and mother in on the act.
The child’s mother is 32 years old with seven children by five different men. Clearly, she’s a classy broad with strong sexual morals. The step-father is 22 years old and when the police came to arrest him, they found kiddy porn on his computer. I think we’ve found a pretty strong contender for Family of the Year.
The step-father’s uncle was arrested and charged with kidnapping and false imprisonment (he then slit his wrists while in custody, but survived and got pretty much no sympathy).
The step-father was charged with multiple counts of possessing kiddy porn and his mother and sister were charged with assisting an offender and perverting the course of justice.
Then, the icing on the cake, the mother was charged with perverting the course of justice. It is believed she knew the whereabouts of her daughter the entire time. Apparently she and her fellow messed up family members managed to raise a fair amount of money for the ‘search efforts’, not to mention her entire community was out searching for her daughter while she was sitting back, probably laughing it up as the money and attention rolled in.
And yes, lets not forget about the child. It seems that all the adults in her life are absolute wankers and this poor kid will now end up in care, and probably in therapy, for the rest of her life.
Everyone involved in this should get very hefty sentences, but the mother should bear the brunt. What kind of mother does that to their kid? And this woman has 7 kids people! How are people like her allowed to procreate? (Aside from anything else, nature was not very kind to her, if you know what I’m saying (and I think you do), so I literally cannot figure out how this woman ever got laid once, never mind enough times to produce SEVEN offspring.) They should tie her tubes while she’s in prison. That woman’s womb has unleashed some craziness upon the world.
With the amount of media attention this has been getting, this is sure to be the trial of the century. Get your popcorn at the ready – it’s gonna be a good one!
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our first hater
I got my first bit of hateration on here the other day and frankly, I feel like I have arrived. I wrote a piece about Chavs a while back and it gets a crazy amount of hits on this here blog. Well, I seem to have upset someone with my stereotypical view of the Chav. This person decided to leave their two cents, in the form of a comment, on that post recently. It read:
Anonymous said…
not bein funny but not all chavs get drunk and dont finish skl.
im a chav and proud of it but i do well at skl in fct i get mainly a’s and b’s and i dont get drunk.chavs get attacked 4 being sterotypical and having a mouth but ur being sterotypical now its lyk not all chavs r lyk dat its a handful who give da rest a bad name lyk in anythink blud
Oh my poor little Chav lamb. It boggles my mind how being a Chav has become something one boasts about or is proud of, but I admire your whole hearted acceptance of who you are. I have a couple of gripes with your comment though.
Firstly, I have to call you out on your stellar academic record. As and Bs? Really? Not with that grammar, sweetheart. I had to re-read your comment a few times just to fathom what the hell you were talking about (and I’m still not all the way sure I do, so I’m kinda winging it here).
Secondly, the term ‘Chav’ really only applies to the people I described in my post, who engage in highly offensive behaviour and have no social graces whatsoever. So, you, judging by your description, are not actually a Chav. You are just working class. I understand you probably have a bunch of Chavvy friends and you feel the peer pressure to be like them (hence your hasty claim that you are one), but being a straight up working class individual, with an interest in school (albeit, questionable grammar skills) and no early onset of alcoholism, is much cooler than being a Chav.
And lastly, do they have classes in how to have a sense of humour at your school? If so, you should sign up, pronto.
