From the Vault of Bad Ideas Comes…
The Amy Winehouse Fashion Collection.
Heaven help us all, but this week it was announced that Ms Winehouse will be coming out with a clothing line. Whose bright idea was this? Has this person seen Amy Winehouse recently? It’s the kind of idea that’s born out of a crack high. I’m a fan of her music, but do I want to look like her? Hell-to-the-no.
From what I can make out, through the hair, layers of make up, tattoos and remnants of crack rock, I believe Amy is trying to go for the ‘pin-up girl’ look. Well, you ain’t pulling it off, honey. But hey, she’s almost there. Maybe once she’s fully off the crack, she can pull it all together and surprise us.
The fashion line will consist of clothes, make-up, hairspray, liquid eyeliner (which will probably come in an oil tanker) and possibly a perfume (not for nothing, but I totally don’t even want to know what Eau de Amy smells like).
So, to prevent further fashion mishaps, I have compiled a list of people who should never, under any circumstances, have a clothing line. (Sadly, some of the people on this list already do, I’m hoping this list will result in them ceasing production immediately – one lives in hope).
Britney Spears
Goes without saying really. It would probably just consist of fishnet tights with holes in, mismatched, wrongly sized tops and jeans (complete with food stains). Obviously, there would be no underwear in the line. I’m surprised homegirl is still managing to hawk a perfume when she looks like she hasn’t bathed since ’04.
Beyonce
She released that piece of trash line with her mama. Yawn. And there’s fur in it – big no no. If you want to dress like Beyonce, wouldn’t you want the stage costumes? Go all out. Hotpants, sequins, feathers, leotards. And that’s just for a trip to the supermarket.
Angelina Jolie
Jolie sure is purdy, but she can’t dress for shit. Has she ever worn anything other than black or white? If she did have her own line, it’d be made only by children she adopted, while on play dates in worn torn countries, using recycled materials.
Mariah Carey
I’ve discussed Mariah’s unique sense of style before. Her look is obviously quite easy to achieve; just be as near to naked as possible at all times. Don’t forget the stripper heels. If you must be clothed, make sure you’re only wearing a negligee, then go sign some autographs for the kids.
Sienna Miller
For a split second there, she was almost considered a fashion icon. But then she forgot that things like clean hair, for example, are considered attractive. To achieve the Sienna look, get up, do not shower, pull some clothes out of your dirty laundry hamper, throw them on, add some Uggs and you’re good to go.
The Olsens
Again, they already have a line, but they didn’t call it Creatures from the Black Lagoon – that was mistake number one right there. And I think they tried to make pretty things, which doesn’t embody the Olsen spirit. The Olsen wardrobe is simple; plaid shirt, black tights, 10 inch heels and a bag you can fit a small African nation in.
Tags: amy winehouse, bad fashion
