Next Stop – Funkytown
For those of you who live in a big city, you’ve surely encountered your fair share of craziness. Personally, the crazy is a part of the reason I’m in love with the metropolis. Though, there’s certain ways the crazy manifests itself that I could really do without; that’s when people mix their crazy with a shot of nasty and parade it around in public areas, specifically on city transit.
Here are a few examples of when Crazy Meets Nasty that I’ve encountered around the world (if you’re eating, I suggest you put the fork down for a couple of minutes):
- A homeless man clipping his toenails at Covent Garden Station (with a large pair of scissors). If you know London, you know that Covent Garden is a high traffic area, increasing the chances of some poor bugger catching some shrapnel. Said hobo had been without shoes for some time – this should give you an idea of the length of toenails I’m talking about.
- A homeless woman hiked up her skirt and peed on the floor in the middle of the bus station in Leeds, UK. Strangely, she was, literally, steps away from the ladies room. She couldn’t hold it? This one was particularly disturbing because my grandmother was with me. My grandmother, the farm girl from rural Nova Scotia, Canada. This incident basically confirmed all her ideas about wild city living.
- I’ve had guys masturbate in front of me on trains twice; once in London, once in New York. The London incident was before 10am, which, I think, is entirely too early for masturbation in general, but especially in front of an audience. I should stress that I didn’t know either of the men involved (thankfully all the men I know are able to show a little more restraint). They were complete strangers who got on the train, eyed me up, whipped it out and started going for gold.
- A woman flossing her teeth on the subway in Toronto. I understand she may have been in a rush to leave the house, but couldn’t the flossing wait, at least until she got to the bathroom at work? I really don’t need to see chunks of food on a string emerging from someone’s mouth at 8am.
- Woman clipping her nails on a bus in Toronto. Either do it at home or go to a salon, but public transport is out of bounds. Any woman with even the slightest bit of class wouldn’t be caught dead doing that in public.
- A guy putting in contact lenses on a packed, rush hour commuter train in Tokyo. Maybe this is a personal one, but contact lenses gross me out. It’s the whole touching-the-eyeball thing – gives me the heeby jeebies. Plus, I kept picturing the train coming to a sudden halt and that guy gauging his own eye out.
- Various people passed out in pools of their own vomit at many subway stations in Japan. The Japanese love them some excessive drinking and it is very common to see people completely wasted, lying on the subway station floor with their face resting in a pile of last night’s dinner. I would see this (I kid you not) sometimes upwards of three times a week. And because Tokyo is a city of so many people and so little time, it’s also common practice to just step over that person and keep it moving.
There are other examples, but I’m sure I’ve made you queasy enough.
But isn’t that the beauty of the city? Embracing it all; the good, the bad and the ugly. And sometimes, the plain old disgusting.
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Tags: flossing, general grossness, homeless, masturbation, urine
