Jimmy Saville
If you’re English, take a stroll with me down memory lane. If you’re from elsewhere, prepare to be freaked the hell out.
Jimmy Saville has been a fixture on British TV for approximately 200 years. Back in the 60s and 70s, he was a host of the legendary show, Top of the Pops, but he really came into his own as the ‘Jim’ of ‘Jim’ll Fix It.’
The concept was simple. You write to Jim with your wish (to ride on an elephant, for example) and he would ‘fix it’ for you to come true. This was all filmed; you being surprised by the news, you participating in said dream and the aftermath where you received, the much coveted, ‘Jim Fixed it For Me’ medal from Jim himself. This show was wildly popular. I don’t think I knew a kid alive in the late 80’s/early 90s who hadn’t written to Jim in the hopes that he would ‘Fix’ something for them.
Jim was always a little weird, but now, seeing Jimmy Saville gives me night terrors. The guy has kiddy fiddler written all over him. There’s something seedy and underwordly about him. If I even see a picture of him, I have to go take a shower with bleach. Why would any parent allow their child to write to this creep? And lets face it, Jim didn’t fix shit – a huge team of producers did. Why are we even giving him credit at this point?
What’s worse is that this man was knighted. Knighted! So he’s now Sir Jimmy Saville. What exactly has this man contributed to society? Bad tracksuits, cigars, mullets and the phrase ‘now then, now then’ – that’s about it.
Sure, I may still be a little bitter that Jim didn’t fix it for me to meet New Kids on the Block, but on reflection, it was probably for the best. If I’d seen Saville’s mullet up close, I think I’d have had a full scale panic attack.
Jim’s now in his eighties, but not long ago he brought the wonder that is ‘Jim’ll Fix It’ back to our screens once more. How was this allowed to happen? Why is it OK for him to continue to terrorize young minds? He obviously doesn’t operate at full speed these days so the show really just involved him donning a hideous tracksuit, smoking Cubans (and by ‘smoking Cubans’ I mean, possibly killing people of Cuban descent) and muttering a few indecipherable words at the end.
When not on TV, Jimmy can be seen participating in various marathons. I can’t knock the guy for that – he’s in his eighties and still has enough get up and go about him to do his bit for charity. I can, however, knock his need to do this in a string vest and way-too-short-running shorts. My eyes! My eyes!
I must say, not having to live with the threat of Jimmy Saville popping up on my TV screen at any given moment is one of the reasons I’m happy I don’t live in the UK anymore.
And frankly, till he makes right on my New Kids on the Block fix, he’ll forever be on my shit list.
