Hi Parents,

If you have young kids, come sit next to me for a second, we need to have a chat. So, congrats on having some offspring, that’s great. Continuation of the human race and all that. Fantastic times. But can I just break something to  you that no one else has the balls to tell you? Your kid ain’t that great.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, it’s just a fact. I mean, I know that your child’s every breath leaves you in awe and wonderment, but to the rest of us, it’s just some pretty regular shit. And I know that your little bundle of joy has turned your life upside down and everything now takes on a new meaning, but to the rest of us, life just goes on. So, if you could stop it with all the constant updates about how Junior opened his eyes today, or took his first step or giggled, it’d be much appreciated.

And you should really think twice before posting that Facebook status update about how little Tommy went potty all by himself today. I’m telling you this for your own good – absolutely no one but you cares about your child’s bowel movements. Oh and stop using your kids pic as your profile picture while you’re at it – lame.

I know this all sounds pretty harsh, but I can assure you, all childless people (and some other parents too) have had these thoughts at one time or another, as you regale every dinner party with stories of your child’s ‘wonderful achievements’. The reality is, what your boasting about is what every kid does. Every kid crawls, walks, burps, farts, laughs, learns to read blah blah blah. Please stop boring us! Unless your child is a bone fide genius, he’s really not doing anything new or special.

Mothers, I get that you gave birth – kudos, ’cause that bit sure does deserve some props – but you don’t now out-rank me as a woman because you carried something in your womb. So, enough with the eye rolling if I don’t let you jump ahead of me in a queue just because you have a kid. In fact, if you have a kid, I’m gonna assume you have a significant other who can help you with your chores. Me? I’m single – I’m doing all this grocery shopping by myself and I have to carry my own bags! Give me a break over here!

Here’s another thing you should probably hear – while you think your baby is the most beautiful thing in the world, everyone else is fully aware that all babies look pretty much the same and are sometimes quite ugly. It’s OK, they grow into their looks, but when they’re a few days old, it’s not really like I can step in there with a ‘oh my! Little Sarah has fabulous bone structure.’ The constant pressure to say that everyone’s child is the most beautiful thing on earth is kinda awkward.

I’m fully aware that if I have children, this whole thing will go out the window as I bore everyone around me to tears with tales of how wonderful/perfect/gorgeous/clever they are. It’s the nature of the beast. This also doesn’t really apply to my friends who have kids because their kids are legitimately, better looking than yours and most impressive in all their pursuits.

So in conclusion, we get it – you’re proud. Roger that. 10-4. We don’t need the 50 Facebook updates a day and constant pictures to hammer that point home. It’s a given. You’d be pretty soulless if you didn’t think your own flesh and blood was the shiznit – I’m just saying, don’t always expect everyone to be on the bandwagon.

Sincerely,

Bangs

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Through various debates I’ve seen online recently (some I’ve been guilty of starting), one theme seems to have been prevalent: judgement. Apparently, we shouldn’t do it. Judging is bad, terrible, awful, you’re an awful person if you judge others (which in itself is a bit of a judgement, but whatever), you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, yada yada yada. That’s all great, but can we have a reality check for a second? We all do it!

Let’s all get off our collective high horses and just admit, we all judge other people. There, doesn’t that feel good to just let that out? Please don’t even for a second think about getting up in this comments section talking about how you genuinely don’t judge people because that is the biggest load of bollocks you will have ever typed. Don’t do it. Enough with all that holier-than-thou bullshit, seriously.

It doesn’t even matter if it’s right or wrong that we judge people, the fact of the matter is we do it. We ALL do it. When you go for a job interview, you don’t roll up in there in your jim jams and a pair of flips flops, do you? Of course not, because you know you’re being judged and you know it’s important that you make a good impression. (Quick side note: if any of you have ever gone to an interview wearing flip flops, see me in my office after – I have a bitch slap with your name all over it.)

I judge people all the time, by what they’re wearing, how they’re acting, if we get into a conversation that first five minutes are crucial. I can honestly say, a good majority of the time, my initial assumptions are right (if I get to know the person enough to find out) and yes sometimes, there are those occasions where you can knock me down with a feather about exactly how wrong I was.  Do I feel bad about judging people? Absolutely not. I know they’re judging me the same way. There are people who think I’m a complete asshole. Are they wrong? No – perhaps when they met me, I was having a crappy day and I was a complete asshole. That’s not all of me, that’s just what they’re unfortunate enough to know. No point in me being upset about it.

There are moments that make me cringe when I think of the impression I must have given people. I’ve been mouthy, argumentative, brash, said plenty of things without thinking – there are surely people who have formed their entire opinion of me based on those moments. But they’re not wrong for doing so. There’s not enough time in life to get to know everyone on an intimate level where you can really understand them and get to grips with what they’re about, so it’s easier to make this 5 second assumptions.

People have the right to judge you and think whatever they want about you. You just have to be comfortable enough with yourself to not particularly care either way.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

In 2005, just before I moved to Japan, I stumbled across a peculiar thing called MySpace. I was horrified. Why would anyone want to put themselves out there like that, I thought. A girl had put pictures of herself up and people were ripping her to shreds. I don’t want any part of that, I said and quickly navigated away. Fast forward to today, I have this blog, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, Soundcloud…basically, there is no escape from me on the internet. I got sucked in.

What happened is, when I got to Japan, I saw my roommate was using MySpace. She talked me through the benefits and said it might be a good way to meet people. Hmm. I set up a profile and within a couple of weeks, it had basically become like my own personal dating site (hey, we were in Japan – there’s a lot of lonely American military men out there, what can I say?)

When I moved to Canada at the end of ’06, everyone was talking about something called ‘Facebook’. I don’t need that, I’d say, I have MySpace. But after a while, having MySpace was like being the last person at a party. Plus, the only friend requests I was getting on there at that point were from random death metal bands in Ohio. Yup, I had no choice, I had to defect – so, off I went to set up my Facebook account.

At the end of ’07, this blog was born. Last year, though it petrified me, I decided to start making video blogs. Gradually, one little thing at a time, my online life has grown to the point where I’m online all the time.

So why do we do it? Those who don’t ‘get’ it, say it’s just all so narcissistic to put ourselves out there like that. Do I think that what I have to say is any more interesting than anyone else? Of course I do! I wouldn’t waste my time otherwise. In reality, is it any more interesting? Of course not! First and foremost, as someone who spent much of my twenties galavanting around in other countries, it was just a way for me to keep in touch with my friends – if other people wanted to read what I had to say, cool.

People who don’t use any form of social media love to look down their noses at those of us who do. We’re just all sad little losers, living a fantasy life with no real friends. If that’s all they get from their internet experience, they’re doing it wrong. I’m happy to say I’ve met so many wonderful people through blogging and happily count them as friends now. I  use Social Media to grow both my online and personal connections. For me, one is not really separate from the other.

It takes a while to get used to, as my blog grows, the barrage of negative comments that come every now and then, how people can and will judge your whole life off just one blog post, then click through to some other random portal of the internet without giving it a second thought. How people will make all sorts of suggestions about how you should conduct yourself on your blog or Twitter (how about I just stick these middle fingers up, that good enough?) without considering that they should perhaps start their own blog before offering up their armchair ponderings.

There are a million things about Social Media that drive me crazy (really? Another blurry shot of your drunken night out on your Facebook page? Yawn), but I can’t imagine my life without it.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Dear Bangs,

Men don’t find me attractive.

What do I do?

Yours Sincerely,

Clearly A Minger

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Dear Clearly A Minger,

Come here. Come on…nestle yourself in my bosom for a second and let me give you a hug. *strokes your hair* OK, now stand back for a second so I can bitch slap you. It’ll sting for a moment, but it’s for your own good.

OK, now listen here, we’ll have none of this talk, you hear me?! I have no idea what you look like but I highly, highly doubt you are a minger. And if you think you are, well then, let me consult page 1 of my ‘Psychoanalysis For Beginners’ handbook and tell you, we’ve located 99% of the problem right there.

I wrote about my personal struggle with my looks recently and was overwhelmed at the reactions of people sharing similar stories. In my youth, I always considered myself the ugly one – no fellas ever glanced in my direction. Gradually over time, as I became more comfortable with my features and God forbid, actually started to like them, I noticed a shift. It’s a simple equation, once I liked myself more, other people liked me more.

I’m by no means suggesting that the struggle for personal acceptance, especially when it comes to looks, is easy. I know first hand how hard it is. But that is where you must start. In order for men to find you attractive, you must first look at yourself that way. I know you don’t – you described yourself as a ‘minger’.

So what can you do? Find a full length mirror, strip down to your undies and look at yourself. Really look at yourself. Now, how about this time, instead of pointing out all your flaws, you focus in on the things you like. Even if right now you only like your pinky toe, you better heap praise on that pinky toe like it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen! Go on, no one’s watching, it’s just you and the mirror. Try to find at least five things you like about you, looks and personality wise.

Next you should pamper yourself, spoil yourself, treat yourself. Forgive yourself for ever thinking you were less than. You and yourself have some making up to do. Make a playlist of your favourite songs, put on your favourite outfit and go out and strut. This is Operation Feel Good. You need to spend some time getting good with you. Once people see you have confidence in yourself, they’ll have confidence in you.

I’m not dating right now and there are days when I feel no one of the opposite sex has even noticed my existence, but not for one second will I allow myself to think no one finds me attractive. When the right guy finally finds me, I’ll be glad all those others were blind!

Hang in there – it only gets better.

Smooches

Bangs

xoxo

If you need some no nonsense advice, email The Bitch Please Advice Column at bangsandabun@gmail.com

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Every now and then I write something on this here blog and the reaction sometimes astounds me. That’s just what happened last week when I wrote a post about being ladylike. While I knew there would obviously be people who would disagree with me, I didn’t expect people to find the mere concept of respecting oneself and having a little decorum and manners offensive. Feminism has truly done a number on our generation.

And please, before you get your already twisted knickers into an even bigger knot, take a Xanex and chill the hell out for a second. Believe it or not, I do actually consider myself a feminist. I believe in my rights and the rights of women everywhere, all over the world and Lord knows, I’m very vocal about that. So, when, as one of the more ludicrous comments I’ve ever had on this blog suggested that particular blog post meant that I don’t believe in women’s right to vote, I could do nothing but slam my head against my desk.

Let me be clear: I believe in being a lady, I believe in the power of presentation and take great pride in the way I choose to present myself. I wear lipstick and heels. None of that, has one iota to do with my rights as a woman. None of it. Nowhere in that blog post did I say we should all be meek and mild and only speak when spoken to. If you read this blog regularly or know me in person, you would know that I am far from fitting into the meek and mild category. I’m exceptionally opinionated, sometimes about things I have no business having an opinion on, but I’ll damn well have one – you know why? Because women like my grandmother lived through a time where her voice didn’t count.

But I can’t say I’m mad at that commenter. She, like the others who said the post is a giant step back for feminism are merely misguided. I think when most people think of feminism, they think of burning bras and hairy arm-pitted women stripping themselves of all the ideals a patriarchal society weighed us down with. Well ladies, how about you move it forward 40 years or so? Believe it or not, the movement has progressed somewhat. Feminists now come in all forms.

The ‘Laddette’ movement in the 90s is largely responsible for women being so outraged at the idea of behaving like a lady. According to that, we should be trying to go toe to toe, pound for pound with men, drink them under the table, have emotionless, promiscuous sex, belch, fart and curse your way around town with the lads. If that’s what you want to do, more power to you – but just because I choose to not conduct myself that way, it does not make me less of a woman and certainly not less of a feminist. I don’t feel as though I have to hate men or let my armpit hair grow to make that point.

How people find the concept of ladies not being drunk in public or fighting, or getting into a car with their knees together offensive, truly does baffle me. But hey, if you don’t want to do that, that’s your right, thank goodness. However, to make out as if I’m setting women back by suggesting we should conduct ourselves with a little decorum? Well, you can (and I mean this in as polite and ladylike way as possible), quite frankly, kiss my lipstick wearing, high heeled ass.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

I, the girl who is proudly ‘all dresses and heels all the time’ have signed up for the Royal Parks Foundation Half Marathon in October. I’ve never run before. Here’s an update on how my training’s been going.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Well hey there good lookin’! I’m a 29 year old lawyer, high powered business woman, international spy, blogger and I’m looking for a lil sugar daddy action.

I’m not sure how these things work, but here’s what I envision: basically, you’ll buy me stuff. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for female empowerment and sisters doing it for themselves, but quite frankly, this sister is tired and needs a little help. I have a lot of things I’d like to do over the next few months, things I’d like to buy, places I’d like to go etc and I’m slogging my guts out, but the reality is, none of those things are gonna happen on my salary, so that’s where you come in.

You’d be kind of like my supplementary income, if you will. But, that part’s straight forward enough. I’m sure you’re probably wondering what you’ll get out of the deal.

Well, I’m obviously younger than you and quite frankly, I’m pretty smokin’, so have me on your arm at all those company functions/balls/corporate events etc, and people will admire and respect you for the pervert you are. You’ll get to enjoy the pleasure of my company and as company goes, I’m pretty darn fascinating (and not in the slightest bit conceited or egocentric). I’ll let you come round to my apartment every now and then (that you’re paying for), to drop things off (that you’ve bought for me).

Now I’m sure you’re eager for something a little more sexual, but I was hoping we could get away without the sex (unless you look like George Clooney, in which case, I’m willing to negotiate). I’d be willing to indulge in the occasional cuddle, perhaps some hand holding and if you have some weird foot fetish thing which involves you buying me shoes and admiring me in them, then we can definitely talk, but other than that, I will most likely shut down any sort of sexual advance you make towards me with a swift kick in the balls (and if you’re the kind of guy that enjoys that, then I’m gonna need you to move on to the next ad).

You might see pictures of me online, like the one to the left and despite what you may think, I’m not into S&M. If you are, Merry Christmas, but please take your chains and whips elsewhere. All this needs to be is a simple exchange of your money, for my thrilling company. I’d be willing to give you, oh, say, one day a month? I’d make myself available for any additional dinners etc, but naturally, I’d expect you to cover my expenses.

See, this could really be a great deal for the both of us. Think of all those expensive holidays you can send me on (you’re not invited on those, by the way. What if I meet a guy and you’re there? Awkward!), the nice dresses you can buy me, the debt you can get me out of and not to mention the shoes – oh, the shoes. And you get…to hang out with me. Hello! Win-win!

So, if you think you’re up for being my Sugar Daddy, apply within. I’m sure I’ll be absolutely inundated with emails, so I may be holding American Idol-style auditions to decide on the final ‘Daddy’.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Far be it from me to make out as though I have any knowledge of the make up industry (I own like, two lipsticks and a powder – to say I’m clueless is an understatement), but my Twitter army of beauty bloggers recently brought something to my attention that deserves to be shouted about.

MAC Cosmetics new collection is inspired by the factory town of Juarez in Mexico. Nothing wrong with that, you say, inspiration comes from anywhere and everywhere, right? Well yes, but when you do a little research, you’ll find that more than 400 women have been raped, tortured and murdered in Juarez in recent years. Amidst allegations of police and government corruption, most of these killings remain unsolved. I don’t know about you, but the last thing that brings to my mind is a frikkin’ lipstick.

Most of these murdered girls worked in the factories in Juarez and were murdered while walking to or from work. MAC, in a moment of genius (or sheer, unadulterated stupidity, whichever way you wanna look at it) have called products in their new line ‘Factory’, ‘Badlands’, ‘ Ghost Town’ and other such mind-numbingly insensitive and offensive things, you’d be forgiven for believing they have trained chimps running the company.

MAC put out a statement saying that on a recent road trip to the area they were inspired and the collection is intended as a ‘celebration of the beauty of the landscape and the people’. First off, you went on a road trip which I’m assuming you made it back from. Congratulations, so many other women didn’t. Secondly, what exactly about the beauty of these people’s suffering did you want to celebrate?

When news spread, as it tends to do, like wildfire around the internet of this grossly insensitive collection, MAC responded with a statement saying that ‘MAC will give a portion of the proceeds of the MAC Rodarte collection to help those in need in Juarez’ and they’re trying to figure out a way to do that.

Umm, what? First of all, why are we talking about a ‘portion’? Furthermore, what is there to figure out? Just frikkin’ do it!

You know what the people of Juarez need? Some help, some hope and a non-corrupt government and police force who are actually willing to investigate these horrific crimes – not some goddamn lipstick and nail polish!

Here’s hoping someone over at MAC gets their head out of their ass in time for this giant blunder of epic proportions to be remedied. But as I said, I know little about the beauty industry. There is an army of extremely talented (and lovely) beauty bloggers out there, who are much more clued in about this subject matter and express it far more eloquently than I – I encourage you to check out their blogs on this topic (we are all posting our blogs at 8pm UK time tonight).

Mizz Worthy, British Beauty Blogger, Lady of The Lane, Big Fashionista, Vex in the City, So Far So Chic, London Makeup Girl, Get Lippie, London Beauty Queen, Krasey Beauty, Make Up Loveer, 6 Inch Stilettos, Sparkles & Bows, Healing Beauty, Really Ree, Just Nice Things, Make Up Advice Forum, Liloo, Make Up By Katy and of course Beauty Mouth

That lovely yellow mac I’m wearing is called a Splashmac and I think we can all agree, it’s rather fetching. A limited edition collection of Splashmacs (from MandMdirect.com) have been designed by Philip Treacy, Erdem, Ben Grimes and Holly Fulton.

This mac is perfect for me because a) clearly, living in England, I’ll have ample excuse to wear it and b) I plan to wear it while riding my bike so motorists can’t possibly say they didn’t see me. But it’s also ideal for the festival season – it folds down really small and fits into its own little bag.

They’re one size fits all and only cost £9.99. All the proceeds go to the Teenage Cancer Trust. There’s really no better way to stay looking sexy during those summer showers and donate to a good cause.

You can purchase a Splashmac (available in four styles/colours) from MandMdirect.com here.

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NOMINATE ME!

Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate  Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!

Earlier this week, I wanted to show you, my lovely readers, how much I appreciate you and to do that, I offered up a few Paul Mitchell hair goodies to giveaway. I’m pleased to announce, the winners, picked at random are:

- Tiffany Parker Smith

- Toni Cabrera

- Gemma (gemjar69)

Well done ladies! Thank you for your continued support of my bloggery. Enjoy your goodies!

Thank you also to all of you who entered – it was overwhelming! As a consolation prize, I’m giving each and every one of you a booty grope. You feel that?

There’ll be more giveaways in the future so keep your eyes peeled.